DISCLAIMER: Everything you are about to read is true and I have experience at school recently and in my life, I am writing this post out of confidence, nothing in this post is aimed directly at anyone not meaning to offend people at all.

This is my story and struggle with anxiety xx

The last time I talked to you all about my anxiety was in September/October time I can’t really remember. I decided to write an update on my anxiety. Also if you haven’t seen my first anxiety post then please go and read it xx

People  think about anxiety as attention seeking and as showing off but the reality is so much different, people with anxiety hate talking about it, I think people will judge me if I just shouted out about anxiety or think i am faking it. It annoys me so much when people say oh yeah I have anxiety because they probably don’t and just have nerves like every other human being. Anxiety holds you back and makes things that seem easy really hard.

Since September/October time my anxiety has improved in some ways. Subjects like Drama I actually am beginning to enjoy again like I used to. In English I love to read out in front of everyone this is something a few months ago I wouldn’t dare to do.

Still my anxiety is the worse. My nightmares are still so real and until late they have been about things of my past and usually the same dream repeating itself over and over. But I remember them so clearly every detail which makes it so hard for me to know what is real and what is made up.

 But atm things at school are bad between myself and a former group of mine. They now haunt my dreams, last night 2 of the groups members came into my Spanish class pinned me down, cut my wrists open and left me to die, I dreamt of feeling the pain and this just kept repeating in my head so that each detail got stronger and stronger,. I woke up and was so scared of going into Spanish in fear this would happen to me. Having anxiety is something I never want to show I always put up a barrier make people think I’m ok but tbh I’m really not. These nightmares are something that controls me in a way I try so hard to forget about them but they just rush back.
(Ik the people from the other group r gonna see this so hi guys are you happy now xx)

See one thing can set of my anxiety without warning like getting called back in a lesson or getting a letter. Although it’s the built up events that cause me the most pain. When someone says to you like kill yourself they have no idea on the damage that is caused to that persons stabability, health and confidence. I probably sound like one of those short films you see in assembly or lessons though  everything I am saying I have experienced and is what I feel with anxiety. I have been told by different people to kill myself in several different ways of which I shan’t mention because they are just to horrible to even type. This has made my anxiety so much worse I am constantly thinking about these people and what they will do to me if I even look at them. Yes I have tried things like telling myself I’m better than them and they don’t scare me etc but my nightmares just overpower this.

My anxiety means even the thought of talking or going near these people is to much. If I go near these people then something will happen, they will do something to me- this is what my anxiety is like. But it’s not just a simple fear it is something that is planted inside of you constantly reminding you of these people and you can’t escape.

 I struggle on the day to day things with anxiety, things that people wouldn’t even think about doing twice. So I just wanted to give an update on what’s going on in my life at the moment and how my anxiety has been affected by this xx

Just a little note on advice to anyone... If you dislike someone stop and think DO YOU ACTUALLY KNOW THIS PERSON. So do you know if they are suffering with mental health, do you know about their home life, do you know about their past? If not then just not say anything to them because something you say can hurt deeper than anyone knows xxx

Yeah Ik those people said some unforgivable things to me but Ik I will be fine, I did the right thing and spoke out to someone who can sort out who has said these things xxxxxx just in case your wondering xx

I want to stress that to the people who know about my school life that this is in no way a dig at certain people. I just wanted to share an experience with the blogging community not to hate, I am just not that type of person anyway xxx