For the longest time I told myself I didn’t Deserve to be happy. Or that I deserved nice things. Or that I deserved to be treated well. Or that anything good, really, served me any purpose because I simply didn’t deserve it. This notion came from the thought process that there are people that have it way worse than me and it’s unfair for me to have these things. It’s backwards, I know. Instead of appreciating what I had, I convinced myself that I wasn’t allowed to have them. Let me tell you where that led me: nowhere. Actual stagnancy for almost three years. No progression whatsoever. Thinking about it, it probably pushed me back further, considering time was still passing by and I wasn’t moving with it. Telling myself I wasn’t supposed to have the things that I had, therefore letting them deteriorate or go to waste. Letting my health go astray because I didn’t deserve good food or health service. Allowing myself to let others treat me poorly because I wasn’t worthy of proper treatment. Treating myself poorly because I wasn’t worthy of proper treatment. Being overly forgiving (and unforgiving). Going from one extreme to the other until I finally cracked.
Somehow, someway, someone very close to me convinced me that I did deserve better than what I was allowing. That I was allowed to be happy, and I was allowed to love myself, and that I did deserve the best that I could receive (thank you, my dear). And after some gruesome self-development, painful conversations, complete 180-ing my daily activities, and getting my act together, I have come a long way from where I once was.
As written by Jen Sincero in her book You are a Badass (or maybe it was You are a Badass with Money…both marvelous books) what good comes out of punishing yourself for living well just because someone else isn’t?. Is it terrible that there are people out there that were, unfortunately, not dealt the best hands? Absolutely. Does it make things better for these other people if you don’t live the best life you can live? Absolutely not. Allowing yourself to suffer doesn’t somehow change these individuals’ lives. If anything, living your best life and sharing THAT with the world is what will make the difference.
Do your best to be the best. Be kind, be loving, and allow others to see what you offer to this world. Maybe those things will be what help others too.
“Never apologize for who you are. It lets the whole world down.”
– Jen Sincero