It Has Sprung
Not Spring...Fall is here, and with it the new school year. And with it comes stress, and stress, and a little bit more stress. I am taking a full load. That is to be expected, but my courses continue to ramp up in difficulty and increase in time requirements (outside of class) to pass with a good grade...
3 Weeks Later... Tempus Fugit, Seriously
I started writing and was drawn into School tasks before I got very far. The sprung has come and gone, and the thick of the semester is beginning to set in. I am busy as hell... but it is a good hell. Yes, I just wrote that.
Work is providing a constant Stress. Not a horrible stress. A good stress. Don't get me wrong, it is stressful, but it is helping me progress and gain back some personal confidence. (Which I desperately need.)
Now... school, and classes, and tasks, and reading, and practice, and so it goes. I started out this school year strong. An attitude of "there is Shit Tons to do and I have to put in shit tons of time." Pardon the French. I have been keeping an appropriate list of things to accomplish for school, I set goals for hours I have to put in each week (for each class), I have an app to actually track my time and see if I am doing it, and by-in-large I have actually been doing it. Well I started out doing it, got lazy for a week, realized things were going to go out of control, and started putting the time back in. I just have to stick to my regimen, or things will go south pretty dang quickly.
Depression, What Depression?
Yes it is still there. Duh. It is the great beast that will spring from the darkness if given the chance. BUT busy, genuine-brain-engaging-and-engulfing busy, is my best medicine. I discovered this after I left my career as a land surveyor. For years I had worked long hours and long weeks. It wore me out, but after quitting I discovered that the true distraction of being mentally and physically preoccupied was my best medicine against depression. Leaving that behind set off a years-long journey to finding it again. I am only just beginning to find some of that same, meaningful 'distraction.'
More! Bring on this pain to prevent that pain.
I'm going to end with this video a friend just shared with me. I am not a huge fan of motivational 'crap' that gives one the ooo's and ahh's, but I do appreciate this clip. I have spent years letting small, crappy decisions compile and wreak large scale havoc. It takes a good amount of self motivation to say enough is enough and start reversing that damage. I started will small decisions to try and make things better, but realized that I had so much to reverse that I needed to make bigger strides. This will take a while.
This post first appeared on Somehow Forward - My Struggle With Bipolar Depression And Suicide, please read the originial post: here
