What Sorcery Is This?
Today is a good day, and I cannot really pin down why. I am actually extremely stressed. I have a mountain of schoolwork over my head, a daughter that is at home with strep throat, and I am fairly tired. However, times are ok. This is truly awesome.
I'm not complaining one bit, but it just goes to show me (once again) how powerful the chemistry between your ears is. Part of this may be the general anti-Anxiety medication my doctor put me on not so long ago. I am not going to say it directly effects the depression, that is not where I am going with this. But my level of stress and anxiety related to school have a direct correlation. When I am stressed/anxious enough, I shut down. I am almost paralyzed with anxiety that I will not get my tasks done and fail. Makes no sense, right? If one doesn't do it, then obviously it won't get done. Self-fulfilling prophecy. The failure or sense thereof does directly kick my depression into high gear.
So the treatment of my anxiety allows for me to be more productive and less frightened of actually doing my work. Sometimes. There always seems to be that crappy, outlying event, but not right now.
Superstition Ain't The Way
I'm not much of a superstitious person, except for one thing. If you say something positive out loud to another person... you have just Screwed yourself. This came from my land surveying days. It seemed that every single time my boss would say, "this is going to be and easy job/day," the day would end up being long and hell. This dinner is going to turn out great. Your screwed. I'm doing really well in school. Screwed. Today's work is going to be easy. I'll sock you in the face. Actually, I usually say knock on wood. I don't care if it's fake wood. Hit that sucker!
This is all just to say that I hope by writing and putting this out there that my day doesn't make a turn for the worst and turn into hell. Only time shall tell..
This post first appeared on Somehow Forward - My Struggle With Bipolar Depression And Suicide, please read the originial post: here
