Cracks
I still feel just at the beginning. The beginning of a relapse. I guess that is the best term to describe them. The past nearly 5 months have been somewhat smooth sailing. Now is the Payment for the times of joy. As any person that has dealt with major depression will tell you, we all sure as hell wish there was a pill we could take that would quickly end a depressive onslaught. What I wouldn't give for such a thing.
This is what I hate above all things, that I am never free. It's a cycle. Times of happiness are fantastic, but looming on the horizon is the keeper, waiting to collect payment for your period of release. 2014 saw my final straw with it. I'm not there currently, but I am exhausted.
Time Plays Games
It has been about 2 hours since I started this. The first paragraphs were at one sitting. Now my mind is different. I'm less depressed and hopeless and more agitated, more anxious; and yet calm at the same time. Tell me how any of that makes sense and you will win the gold star. I don't like my Mood vacillating, but that is the destabilized mood portion of my bipolar depression.
I'm going to leave on this note (pun intended). A great cover from one of my favorite albums and the tone alone speak to me inner minutia right now.
Perhaps Later... more
This post first appeared on Somehow Forward - My Struggle With Bipolar Depression And Suicide, please read the originial post: here
