This isn't going to be anymore upbeat than Part 1, and I guarantee this will still leave more thoughts to Address. If you are coming here hoping to find peace or solid reasoning, then you may or may not. Good luck. At least I am not undergoing an acute depressive and suicidal relapse right now.
PART II
Let's just address the questions I put out before:
(bear with me... I love lists)
- Who does Suicide affect and how?
- Me:
- The immediate effect is the release of pain and cessation of agony.
- BUT if an attempt is unsuccessful, then it only increases the Personal grief, embarrassment, and isolation.
- The long term consequences, depending on your beliefs, could produce ramifications in the next or afterlife. This is difficult to predict but could be scary to say the least.
- Friends:
- They will undoubtedly feel pain from loss and a feeling of personal failure. This may cause depression in them. One would hope that it would be short term. Only a sick individual would wish the depths of depression on another person.
- Family:
- The same as friends, with the additional of a closer sense of loss. You might also leave family struggling to fill the role of father, brother, provider, mother, sister, et al.
- Those who have helped/professionals:
- Although they are in an industry where they "see it all," that doesn't mean they are rocks that are unaffected and might question if they could have done more.
- People I don't know: Wait, what?
- God only knows what people we would have met, what things we would have done, and how we would have affected the world if we had not departed early.
- Does any of this actually matter and for how long?
- How will this affect me after death?
- Personally, to me this would matter up until the moment I cease to exist.
- But being that I am not a solipsist, I know that I would cause a void and trouble for my family for the rest of their lives. Which is a motivating factor to avoid suicide.
- I don't hold a strong belief in an afterlife or reincarnation; however, I do personally feel that if there is a hell, that killing myself makes me bound for such a place. Actually, my masochistic deep hatred is so fundamentally rooted that if I killed myself and did not end up in hell for eternal torment, I would think the universe is not fair.
- So, duh, suicide has long ramifications.
- What can I do to stop/cure/etc this?
- I can seek treatment and utilize my resources.
- I can think, think, think about options and consequences.
- I can fight, and dammit sometimes nothing works except pure endurance.
Open Call
What have I missed? Are there other questions, explanations, or reasons that can add to this complicated topic? I am open to anyone's input.
My personal thoughts and beliefs do not add up to an overwhelming urge to survive and thrive. It often perplexes me that seemingly everyone around me never questions their will to live. I'm going to cage this rabbit for the moment and chase it in a late entry.
True. I would say suicide is mostly the wrong option. There are many, many reasons why one might want to end their life, and I believe that many can be helped. It is wrong to do, but I cannot say it is always wrong for an individual (yes, this makes them selfish). I really do hate writing that because someone might find this and use it as personal justification. If you are that person, please contact someone. If you email me, I will talk with you. I can be incredibly harsh to some people, but when it comes to this I have nothing by empathy and understanding.
All In All
My personal thoughts and beliefs do not add up to an overwhelming urge to survive and thrive. It often perplexes me that seemingly everyone around me never questions their will to live. I'm going to cage this rabbit for the moment and chase it in a late entry.
Wait, Wait, Wait... Answer the Damn Question
True. I would say suicide is mostly the wrong option. There are many, many reasons why one might want to end their life, and I believe that many can be helped. It is wrong to do, but I cannot say it is always wrong for an individual (yes, this makes them selfish). I really do hate writing that because someone might find this and use it as personal justification. If you are that person, please contact someone. If you email me, I will talk with you. I can be incredibly harsh to some people, but when it comes to this I have nothing by empathy and understanding.
This post first appeared on Somehow Forward - My Struggle With Bipolar Depression And Suicide, please read the originial post: here
