[Note: The following post contains foul language written in Spanish. If such things offend you, please visit this post with pretty pictures instead.]

Memo from an American Company to its Argentine Staff

It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our office in Buenos Aires that offensive language is commonly used by our Spanish-speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and staff.

All personnel will immediately adhere to the following rules:

1. Words like "carajo," "la puta madre," "me da en el quinto forro" and other such expressions will not be tolerated or used for emphasis or dramatic effect, no matter how heated a discussion may become.

2. You will not say "la cagó" when someone makes a mistake, or "lo están cagando a pedos" if you see someone being reprimanded, or "qué cagada" when a major mistake has been made. All forms and derivations of the verb "cagar" are utterly inappropriate and unacceptable in our environment.

3. No project manager, section head or administrator under any circumstances will be referred to as "hijo de mil putas," "mal parido," "es una mierda" or "es una bosta."

4. Lack of determination will not be referred to as "falta de huevos" nor will persons who lack initiative be referred to as "cagón de mierda," "pelotudo" or "boludo."

5. Unusual or creative ideas offered by management are not to be referred to as "pajas mentales" or "pendejadas."

6. Do not say "cómo hincha las pelotas" nor "qué ladilla de mierda" if a person is persistent; do not add "cagó fuego," if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say "cagamos" (refer to item #2) nor "nos rompieron el orto" when a matter becomes excessively complicated.

7. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say "andate a la concha de tu hermana" nor should you ever substitute "May I help you?" with "¿Qué mierda querés?"

8. Under no circumstances should you ever call your elderly industrial partners "viejos chotos."

9. Do not say "me chupa un huevo" when a relevant project is presented to you, nor should you ever answer "sobame el nabo" when your assistance is required.

10.You should never call a partner "puto de mierda" or "vieja tortillera"; the sexual behavior of our staff is not to be discussed in terms such as "viejo trolo," "la mira con cariño" or "mariquita."

11. Last but not least, after reading this note, please don't say "me la paso por las pelotas." Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.

Thank you.

[Source: Text extracted from the BANewcomers' mailing list. Author unknown. // Photo credit: miss mass]