Even “nerdy gamers” need a good laugh now and then. Luckily, there’s always plenty to laugh at while campaigning or gaming. From failed spells to teasing those in your party, playing Dungeons and Dragons can lead to some pretty funny moments… especially with a good Dungeon Master. Or, ya know, if anyone invites their newbie friend who’s dead set on being a halfling. Because, honestly, what else are halflings good for if not to laugh at their expense? Enter, Dungeons and Dragons jokes.

Of course, jokes come in all shapes and sizes — and some jokes floating around the internet are more offensive than funny. It’s one thing to poke fun at Dungeons and Dragons’ fictional races of orcs and paladins. It’s another (unacceptable) thing entirely for those jokes to be rooted in real-life racism. So, suffice it to say, we did us all a favor skipped that wretched stuff. We stuck to the funny ha-ha DnD jokes out there because, really, who couldn’t use a bit more feel-good laughter these days?

And if after reading through these you’re dying for more jokes, well, we’ve got those too. Tons of ’em. You might find our collection of banana jokes truly ap-pealing. There are also tons of jokes about farm animals, such as cows and pigs. Not to mention more quality nerd content, like jokes about science, Star Wars, Harry Potter, and more. Whatever you’re into, there’s a joke about it. But for now, feel free to geek out over these DnD zingers.

Dungeons and Dragons Jokes

1. Why do paladins wear chainmail?
   Because it’s holy armor.
2. A human, a half-orc, and an elf walk into a bar…
   The dwarf walks under it.
3. How many halflings does it take to light a candle?
   You mean you’d trust a halfling with your candle?
4. What’s the difference between a wizard and a sorcerer?
   Class.
5. What is a cleric’s favorite hot drink?
   Divini-tea.
6. How many halflings does it take to sharpen a sword?
   Three. One to sharpen the sword and one to confuse the issue.
7. How do you know if there’s a Paladin in the party?
   Trust me, you’ll know.
8. What forest animal helps the druid get that nice green color for their robe?
   A Dyer Wolf.
9. What happens when a dark elf casts sleep on you?
   You get Drow-sy.
10. What do you call an orc with two brain cells?
    Pregnant.
11. Where does the ranger keep their arrows?
    In the monsters!
12. Three orcs walk into a bar…
    The fourth one ducks.
13. Why does leather armor make you better at sneaking?
    Because it’s made of hide.
14. What do you call a thousand-year-old fey?
    A Millenielf.
15. Why should you be worried about Drow Paladins?
    Because they are Lloth-ful Evil.
16. What do you get when you cross a zebra with an orangutan?
    I don’t know, but I’m blaming the wizards again!
17. Why do wizards like fireball so much?
    It’s a well-rounded spell.
18. Why do the elves have pointy ears?
    There’s got to be some point to elves.
19. How do you get a DnD player to go out with you?
    You ask them for a d8.
20. How do you get a chord from half-orc bards?
    Ask them to play the same note.
21. What do you call that friend who will always seize the opportunity to run a Dungeons & Dragons game for your group?
    A Carpe DM.
22. What’s a beholder’s favorite food?
    Eyes Cream.
23. How many halflings does it take to light a candle?
    Surprisingly only 1. It turns out that they’re good for something after all.
24. Why can’t a fallen paladin walk straight?
    He’s out of alignment.
25. Which body of water do you get bonuses to sail across?
    The proficien-sea!
26. Why was the gnome artificer embarrassed when his clockwork crocodile stopped working?
    He had a reptile dysfunction.
27. What tool helps a wizard with writing the correct runes into their spellbook?
    Spell Check.
28. How many elves does it take to sharpen a sword?
    Three. One to sharpen the sword and two to write a song about it so that when the first elf is done, four hundred years later, they’ll remember whose sword it was.
29. What’s nine feet long, has six legs, and flies?
    Three dead halflings!
30. Why do interns make the best Dungeons & Dragons players?
    They do it for the Experience.
31. What is that mineral called that’s just out of reach and gives you a choice?
    Ether Ore.
32. How many humans does it take to replace a door?
    Three. The first two to argue about which way the door should open and the third to hire a dwarf to fix it properly.
33. How does the paladin protect against the heat of a Firebolt?
    He turns up his AC!
34. What do you call a magician who’s incredibly good at cooking?
    A sauceror.
35. Never raise your hand to a halfling…
    It leaves your coin purse unprotected.
36. I designed a Dungeons & Dragons weapon for wizards. It’s a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength…
    I call it “Book Club.”

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