Once upon a time, NYE meant dropping a ton of money for a night on the town in fancy clothes surrounded by way too many people. These days, NYE looks a little… different.
Like really different.
I know my life has changed when on New Year's Eve, I run to Walmart to get diapers, milk, Epsom salt, and children's Tylenol. #DadLife
— 🅹🅲🆀🆄🅴🆂 (@jnyemb) January 1, 2017
Shoutout to all the parents who forgot it was New Year’s Eve because you have kids and everyone you know has kids and no one is throwing wild parties anymore.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) December 31, 2018
Back then, we stayed out until dawn. Now, we’re lucky if we can make it until 10 p.m.
Parents..don't forget to set your clocks ahead two hours on New Year's Eve so you can pretend that you actually did stay up until midnight.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) December 29, 2015
Who me? Just planning on celebrating New Year's at 9pm like all the other parents.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 1, 2016
NYE 2006: danced on tables and closed out the night with 5am drunk breakfast at Denny's
NYE 2017: i've spent the last week staying up 15 min later each night so i can hopefully make it to midnight
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 28, 2017
Me: Which New Year's Eve party do you want to go to?
Wife: The one that ends at 10.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 26, 2017
Oh who are we kidding? It’s a success if we make it to 8 o’clock.
New Years Eve now means trying to get everyone out of the house before 5 so Mommy can maybe get one drink in at the party before the toddler loses his shit and we need to come back home for his bedtime. Please, please, please toddler gods be good to me tonight. #momlife
— Crystal McCord (@mrscmccord) January 1, 2019
I'm at my peak New Years partying when I fall asleep before the kids after baking muffins and cookies.
— Chucklehouse (@Chucklehouse1) December 31, 2018
New Year's Eve as a parent is mostly telling our kids to dream big while we lie unshowered and bloated on couches we fall asleep on by 9pm.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) December 31, 2016
Except our kids want to stay up all.night.long.
Fun Fact: If you have kids, you can celebrate New Year's Eve with an earlier time zone. That way, you will be able to celebrate multiple New Year's Eves because your child will still be awake for ALL. OF. THEM.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) December 20, 2018
Back then we considered it a good night if we got into the hottest club. Now we spend the night… cleaning.
Child-free people: So what are your New Year's Eve plans?
Moms: Cleaning stuff.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) December 31, 2016
Happy New Year, your kid left half a sandwich and a banana in in their lunchbox over the break.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 2, 2019
Or shelling out a shit ton of money just to get out of the house for a couple hours.
Shout out to all the parents shelling out $600 for a babysitter so they can get away from the kids on New Year's Eve.
— Ham on Wry (@realHamOnWry) December 31, 2018
And everyone’s got a complaint.
“Fondue would be really fun with the kids for New Years.”
*hours shopping and prepping*
Kids: “I hate cheese. Wait, we have to cook, too?”
— OutnumberedMother (@OutNumbMother) January 1, 2017
Back then we made resolutions to do yoga and meditate. Now we know ain’t none of that shit happening.
I'm gonna be a better mom next year. I'll make sure my kids get sunshine, not just sit indoors on their devices half the day.
*cut to kids sitting on a park bench, tablets in hand*
— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@saltymermaident) December 28, 2017
My New Year's resolution was to have more patience but, thanks to my kids, I broke that within 5 minutes of the New Year.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 3, 2017
Talking to the kids about New Year's resolutions, my son said, "Yours should be to not be so hard on yourself when you make mistakes."
— Kayla M. Williams (@kwilliams101) December 31, 2018
Yeah keeping New Year’s resolutions are hard, but have you tried not to laugh when your kid says something inappropriate but it’s hilarious?
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) January 13, 2019
Our kids on the other hand…
My kids’ New Year’s resolution should be to learn how to wipe properly.
— Katie (@good_one_rick) December 31, 2018
I asked my kids if they had any resolutions for the new year, and my daughter said she wanted to “eat Nutella every day.”
Yeah, she’s definitely mine.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 31, 2018
Nutella every day and kids who wipe their own butts. Sounds like a kick ass new year to us! Cheers!
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