There was a moment in Hawaii after a lot of drinking when Jimmy called me entitled. In the hotel restaurant at 2AM. I got upset when Jimmy wouldn't sit with me while the kitchen staff reheated my food. I obnoxiously responded to his awkwardness, "I paid for this overpriced hotel, It's okay that I asked that they reheat my leftovers." It was all inline with policy, but Jimmy wouldn't sit with me because he felt bad for the staff. He was embarrassed and said that I was acting entitled. I told him sharply in a drunken state that people can call me cheap, tacky, naive .. whatever, but to call me entitled or wasteful was the worst thing you can say to me and I did nothing wrong by asking the 24 hour kitchen to reheat some food. I was upset that he made it a big deal and I was furious that he called me something that I was so disgusted by and took that opportunity to tell him that I hated hotels, but instead of lashing back at my ridiculousness he told me something that made me feel extremely guilty.
He told me that when he was young, his family couldn't afford to stay in hotels so they would drive by and he would pretend that he was staying there. To be able to stay on a beach side hotel now that he's older was an absolutely luxury for him. While I roll my eyes at the extra fees and announced that I'd rather stay in a poorly kept AirBnb with no AC for a fraction of the price, he was enjoying something that he thought he could never have. He was already thankful for being there.
I started to cry... cry heavily... because I was drunk and because I was so upset at myself and because of his story. And I apologized and told him that I would be better. "We had such a wonderful night, let's just live for that," he responded and that's what we did.
At times it seems like I do a lot for him, but he does even more for me by being patient, loving and understanding which is why we've been together for so long. My new years resolution for 2018 is to be better. A better person, a better boyfriend especially now that it's our 7 year anniversary.
I've made a lot of mistakes. And I hold those mistakes very close to my chest. There's a lot that I need to improve upon and I need to fight that temptation to be selfish and make 2018 about our future together.