April 3-5, 2021

Going to the Restroom is one of my main problem while being hospitalized due to Covid-19 virus.  I got diarrhea, which is one of my symptoms, and one, I need to go to the bathroom all by myself.  With that I must carry all my IV with me and the worst, I must take off my oxygen mask.  That means I must do all I need to do in the restroom, precisely and quickly.  Because after that, I need to use the wall to support me in going back to my bed and wear the oxygen mask again.  My body is a wrecking ball after that.  My oxygen saturation drops down 85 and I must calm myself and breathe again.  I can’t ask the nurses for some help; they were already overwhelmed with the come and go of Covid patients and I really understand their situation.  But then, I asked a friendly nurse to help shampoo my hair.  It’s becoming itchy and started to plaster on my scalp because of oiliness.  

I must ask them sometimes to help me come around in that room, but mostly I used to ask a friendly cleaner to fill in my water jug, wash my face towel, wash my glass, spoon and fork.  I am so grateful for their help. The one time I did some of that, I suffer the consequences of difficulty in breathing.  When at one time, I put down my feet to charge my cellphone, I end up having painful cramps I cried silently while massaging my feet.

I want to go home.  If only I can breathe on my own or I can have the unlimited supply of oxygen like what I have in that hospital, I would always like to stay in our room where I can see and hear my family even by afar.  But I know it’s impossible, I need to stay in there where I need to think of all the happy thoughts, so I won’t get depressed.  I prayed and prayed to God to give me that strength.  My hands started to ache on the constant blood works and poking of needles.  I still have some problem taking down my foods.  I wasted so much foods, but I have no appetite.  I’m having the anti-viral medicine buying it in cash (you want to know how much?) and I wonder, what if you have no money, will they still let you stay in the hospital?  Philhealth and my health card don’t cover the Remdesivir, and I’m in a private hospital. 

I can’t help but to feel sorry for those just like me who spent thousands of pesos just to breathe.  The oxygen is free from God but not the mechanical one.  I really want to go home that time.  It’s been 6 days.