The smell of urine follows me where ever I go, The eyes of judgment seem to follow me as well, the doubt that creeps in from some far off corner in my mind gains momentum and rips through. And then I feel the stares when I move, when I decide to walk amongst them instead of the shadows and alleyways. I wish I was brave, then it would be easier if they just ignored me when I walked, Instead, when my feet are too tired to move me and I need to sit on the ground is when they disapprove. When I'm ignored for fear of making eye contact. Pretending to be distracted, hoping I won't ask them for anything but ironically it's probably when I need them the most. Honestly however, I need many things and the kindness of a stranger is one it seems I tend to forget exists. I still get vague flashes of Memories from another life when the despair is lightest and the sun is shining. I remember a family, a sister, a niece and nephew, these tattered old photos are all that's left of that life... they're probably so big by now. The days just blur together without most memories now, it's too painful to reminisce so I pretend like my past just does not exist. I prefer to be lonely because it's better than knowing that no one remembers me.
-Armando Torres
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