If the Schlagerboys were in Grup Locomotif we'd be the one with the white stripe in her hair. She shows just the right amount of restraint when jumping around to "Şarkım Sevgi Üstüne" i.e. none whatsoever. There are tassles everywhere. It looks exhausting.

The bloke on the left does all he can but clearly is no match for either Seyyal or our favourite. He bounces while they jump. he screeches his one line and you can see in his eyes he's thinking, "I'm a serious artist, you know." The drummer on the other hand is loving it; he probably tried to tie his kit around his waist so he could run around with the rest of them. The guitarist also has a fabulous moment skipping behind Seyyal at 3:03, grinning at the camera as he passes behind her.

But the crowning moment of Eurovision 80s choreography is at 3:45 when the whole group (apart from the poor drummer who remains stuck to the spot) skip together to stage right to sing the chorus line, and then skip together to stage left. And then there's a key change together with excellent coordinated lasso armography followed by further mic stand-ography.

The final flourish gives us the first example on the Schlagertastic 80s of a finger-point ending. This is a theme we shall be consistently returning to throughout our countdown as finger pointing at the end of your song is the first move they teach you at schlager school. Our favourite Grup Locomotif adds to her finger point with a cheeky knee raise. She probably got told off for that after.

"Şarkım Sevgi Üstüne" managed to get a total of nul points in 1987. To be fair the song is the very definition of a shouty mess, but the enthusiastic schlagertastic performance deserves recognition, which is why it makes our list.

Douze points to Seyyal and Grup Locomotif and to Turkey as this is their one and only appearance on the Schlagertastic 80s Top 50. People often go on about "Bana Bana" (1989) , but wandering about with your hands on your hips just doesn't do it for us. If you're going to perform a shouty ethnic stomper, you need to be running around the stage with huge dangly earrings and a strap-on keyboard. OK?