If the world only comprised narcissists at one extreme, and the most polite and courteous who profusely praise others at the other end, it would be a very boring place. Things are never black and white. There are various shades of grey in life. In our interactions we often cannot resist the temptation of putting-down a pompous person by a clever repartee, prick his ego by a smart one-liner, use various figures of speech from irony, pun, tongue-in-cheek statements, sarcasm to trenchant scorn. Even with dear friends or respected persons we often indulge in mild leg-pulling and harmless humour.

Sometimes these attempts at humour go awry. Stand-up comedians make a living out of cracking jokes, making fun of celebrities and public figures. But this is a risky business, and some have landed up in jail because the joke was considered offensive. With this kind of ultra-sensitivity, self-deprecating humour is beyond our politicians. The US has a tradition of Annual White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner which the President also attends. Here the tables are turned; instead of the journalists making fun of the President in their columns, the President roasts himself turning all the barbs he had faced in the media on their head. The great communicator President Ronald Raegan was gifted with instant wit. A failed assassination attempt, nevertheless, left him seriously injured. In the OT, seeing several doctors in mask trying to save his life, he asked them with a wink, I hope you guys are not Democrats.

BBC TV series Yes Minister/Yes Prime Minister is a hilarious satire on politician-civil servant relationship in which the wily permanent secretary/cabinet secretary Sir Humphrey Appleby (played by Nigel Hawthorne) uses various stratagems to frustrate the proposals of the Minister, innocent about the ways of the bureaucracy. In an award function for the series, the Iron Lady Margaret Thatcher, a big fan of the series, offered to write a short skit of the main characters and persuaded the makers of the series to let her play herself in the skit. The result is the witty side of the dour and fearsome lady, when the tables are turned on Sir Humphrey.

The humour of British public leaders is legion, and many, perhaps apocryphal, have entered popular folklore. Gladstone, a Member of the British Parliament, said to the then PM Disraeli (19th century), “Sir, you would either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” Disraeli’s retort was, “Sir, that depends on whether I embrace your policies, or your mistress”. Many one-liners are attributed to Churchill. He said about Neville Chamberlain, “He is a modest little fellow who has much to be modest about.” One which has been adapted globally is, what is the difference between disaster and catastrophe? When a cruise carrying the entire cabinet sinks, that would be a disaster; if they are rescued that would be a catastrophe.

Wit and humour is not rare in our Parliament. One funster long ago was the MP Piloo Mody. In the days when the CIA was responsible for all our ills, Piloo came with a placard around his neck, “I am a CIA agent”. In a serious debate the PM got agitated and said, “I can’t be expected to answer all the barking dogs.” Piloo on his turn started his address seriously, Hon’ble Speaker, Hon’ble PM, This House comprises pillars of our Constitution, pillars of our Republic and pillars of society. I am a dog, and you know what a dog does to the pillars.”

There are hundreds of jokes for specific sections of the society: Husband-wife jokes. One I find very witty is – Behind every successful man is a smiling and surprised wife. Judges and lawyers: Once Attorney General was making long-winded, repetitive arguments before a Constitution Bench. The judges were getting irritated. They asked the AG, why are you repeating your arguments. Do you think we are idiots that we don’t understand it? After some pause, the AG replied gravely, “Your Lordships have put me in a serious dilemma. If I agree with you I would be hauled up for contempt of court, whereas if I disagree with you I would be guilty of perjury.”

Oscar Wilde is universally regarded as a genius, despite his conviction and imprisonment for what was then considered ‘gross indecency’. He has become more famous for his epigrams, his insults, one-liners, than his classics. One about his extreme narcissism, and this one might have been coined by someone else – Oscar Wilde on a trip to New York, when asked by the immigration to declare what he was bringing in, said, “I have nothing to declare except my genius.” He reserved his grossest scorn for decent people: “Some people give compliments in a way as if they are expecting a receipt”; “He didn’t have any redeeming vice”. (P.S. With the theory of consensual adults in the privacy of their bedroom gaining acceptance, Wilde was pardoned 117 years after his death. I don’t know what it means in legal or moral terms. – AK)

One important opposition leader unfortunately has become the butt of some unkind barbs, and he finds it impossible to get out of it. His interview by Arnab Goswami set Hitler screaming at his generals in his bunker when informed that the interview has become a threat to the German entertainment industry.

The above clip from the German film Downfall (2004), on the last days of Hitler in his bunker, has become a favourite of funsters around the word, and there are a large number of spoofs in which the sub-titles are changed to fit into some local funny situation.

We have now become the most offended society. If you are not easily offended you have to keep quiet, and not make provocative statements like what is so offensive about the film PK or the web series Tandav or Ashram? I felt that one of the shows of the stand-up comedian Kunal Kamra I watched on the YT was quite funny, but when he came out of the hall he was roughed up by the vigilantes of our religion. Except this blog which is quite specialised, I shun social media, I shun religion and I shun politics. But even on this blog there are times when someone turns abusive on some joke or some irreverent humour the person does not get. They have to be blocked to maintain the standard of the blog.

Bollywood was known to be innocent about caste, religion and politics. No longer. But in the good old days there were several put-downer songs. Let us savour some.

1. Humse nain milana BA pass karke humse preet lagana BA pas kar ke by Mukesh and Shamshad Begum and Mukesh from Aankhen (1950), lyrics Raja Mehdi Ali Khan, music Madan Mohan

This song has the bluntest snub by a woman to a man. She is very clear that the guy has to be BA pass to flirt with her. The man tries to show his BA degree, she dismisses it with scorn with choicest slangs:

अपनी ये चार सौ बीस किसी और पे चलाओ
जाओ ये है झूठी डिग्री इसको कूड़े में फेंक आओ
जाये भांड़ में ऐसा प्यार तेरे ये नखरे हैं बेकार
हमको गुस्सा ना दिलाना बकवास कर के

2. C A T कैट, कैट माने बिल्ली, R A T रैट, रैट माने चूहा by Kishore Kumar and Asha Bhosle from Dilli Ka Thug (1958), lyrics Majrooh Sultanpuri, music Ravi

Kishore Kumar is wild and crazy, true to his character. The exasperated Nutan makes some sarcastic remarks: M A D mad mad माने पागल; B O Y boy boy माने लड़का (and that is you). Later she calls him ‘C R O W, crow माने कौवा.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSY4vYRtcQw

3. Jaoji jaao bade shaan ke dikhanewale by Mahendra Kapoor, Balbir, Asha Bhole and Saudha Malhotra from Razia Sultana (1961), lyrics Asad Bhopali, music Lachhiram

In qawwali muqabala each side tries to put down the other. In this one women seem to be having the upper hand.

4. Kahiye kaisa mijaz hai aapka, kya iraada hai aakhir zanab ka by Rafi and Asha Bhosle from Salam Memsaab (1961), lyrics Asad Bhopali, music Ravi

This is a consensual banter. The man asks the woman’s welfare. She snubs him, Humse kya vasta hai janaab ka. The man realises perhaps he has gone overboard and tries to mollify her, Are are aap to bigadane lage, but she continues on her caustic spree, Nahin nahin aapko samajhane lage. Her smile gives away that the entire show of annoyance is play-acting, because in the next stanza, the lines are reversed.

5. Ada bijli badan shola…Nigah-e-naaz ke maaron ka haal kya hoga by Asha Bhosle, Sudha Malhotra and Shankar-Shambhu qawwal from Barsaat Ki Raat (1960), lyrics Sahir Ludhiyanavi, music Roshan

This qawwali muqabala is a nice example of combining both narcissism and sarcasm. The women are high-spirited and very proud of their electrifying mannerisms and fiery body. They have scorn for the poor menfolk struck by their glances. And न बच सके तो बेचारों का हाल क्या होगा? They seem to be winning all the way, the menfolk’s response हमीं ने इश्क़ के क़ाबिल बना दिया है तुम्हें seems quite tepid. This is despite the women being hidden by a screen true to a Muslim social.

6. Haseeonon ke jalwe pareshan rahte agar hum na hote By Rafi, Manna Dey, Asha Bhosle from Babar (1960), lyrics Sahir Ludhiyanavi, music Roshan

The men claim that the beautiful damsels would have been quite restless if they were not there. The women on the other hand are quite clear that without them the men would have been ignorant about love. The song continues in this vein throughout.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sW7SGgnSkw

7. Milte hi nazar tumse hum ho gaye deewane by Rafi, Manna Dey and Asha Bhosle from Ustadon Ke Ustad (1963), lyrics Asad Bhopali, music Ravi

The two lead qawwals think that the women would be impressed by their profession of love. But the qawwalas are quite scornful about it, and say patronisingly, ‘Anjam-e-mohabbat se tum ho abhi anjaane’. Thus, not all qawwali muqabalas have reciprocal sarcasm. Here the men are quite serious, but the women are very dismissive both by words and gestures.

8. Haye ye bholi suratwale dil ka lagana kya jaanein by Rafi, SD Batish, Iqbal, Lata Mangeshkar and Rajkumari from film Chaar Din (1949), lyrics Shakeel Badayuni, music Shyam Sundar

Each side is sceptical of the other’s capacity to express love.

9. Kaise besharm ashiq hain ye aaj ke, inko apna banana gazab ho gaya by Yusuf Azad and Rashida Khatoon from Putlibai, lyrics Zafar Gorakhpuri, music Jaikumar Parte (?)

This no holds barred qawwali muqabala between Yusuf Azad and Rashida Khatoon has the bluntest roasting of each other.

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x36jmcy

10. Magar ae haseena-e-bekhabar by Rafi and Sulochana Kadam from Dholak (1951), lyrics Aziz Kashmiri, music Shyam Sundar

Sulochana Kadam rose to immense popularity because of the song Chori chori aag si dil mein lagakar chal diye from this film. In this duet the hero Ajit and the heroine Meena Shorey, each tries to profess that he/she is not in love with the other.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXzuZyjRjvM

11. Main hun gori nagin dekhungi rasiya, kaise aaj teri baaje nahi been re by Rafi and Lata Mangeshkar from Naache Nagin Baaje Been (1960), lyrics Majrooh Sultanpuri, music Chitragupta

In sapera-nagin legend, the snake-charmer is thought to be an evil person with some special powers. He casts his spell on the nagin by his been and captures her in his basket. But here the lore is turned 180 degrees. Kumkum dares the guy that she is a bewitching nagin going to dance and would see how he can resist playing his been. The man pleads that he has but a tiny heart and please do not shear it bit by bit.

It is not for nothing that we all love Chitragupta. All the songs of this B-grade film starring Chandrashekhar and Kumkum were absolutely melodious, and now that I am on this theme, I realise most of the songs lend themselves to such etymological analysis. Chandrashekhar continues his abject pleading in the next duet in the film, Chale ho kahan sarkar humein beqaraar kar ke, but he is again rebuffed by Kumkum, Hamari khushi koi roke hain kyun takraar ke. It seems, embarrassed by his own pusillanimity, he mounts a tentative challenge in the next duet, Gori nagin ban ke na chala karo, jaadu maarega sapera koi aay ke, but she still continues on I-don’t-care attitude, Dil haath mein lekar jala karo, main to chalungi hazaron bal khay ke. Finally, there is a conciliation between the two, Beet gayi hai aadhi raat chaandaniya dheere dheere aana.

But let us hear the first duet in the series, in which Kumkum dances up a storm. Chitragupta’s honey-dripping sweetness oozes throughout in the tune, in his orchestration and prelude and interludes. Rafi and Lata Mangeshkar are at the peak of their vocal quality. (I don’t know why Chitragupta chose Suman Kalyanpur in one of the four duets I have mentioned. She is indistinguishable from Lata Mangeshkar unless you know it. – AK)

12. Chatt deni maar deli, kheench ke tamacha, hi hi hi hi hans dele Rikiya ke papa, Bhojputi NFS by Manoj Tiwari from the album Uparwali Ke Chakkar Mein, lyrics Manoj Tiwari and Prabhu Nath, music Dhananjay Mishra

Bollywood believes in nok-jhonk, Papa’s disapproval of the girl’s choice of someone much below her station when Rai Bahadur Saheb’s long lost son has now surfaced (played by the suave Pran) with the locket which was in the neck of Rai Bahadur’s infant son, and final resolution with some beating up of the impostor Pran. But the Bhojpuri land does not have such niceties. Rinki (Rinkiya) gives the Majnu Manoj Tiwari a tight slap, but the worst part is that Rinkiya’s papa starts laughing at him Hi Hi Hi Hi. To get over this public humiliation, a Bollywood hero would have drowned himself in alcohol, but the Lothario Manoj Tiwari hangs out with his gang of friends and sings this song of his insult publicly.

चट देनी मार देली खींच के तमाचा, ही ही ही ही हंस देले रिंकिया के पापा

13. Ek chatur naar kar ke singaar by Manna Dey and Kishore Kumar from Padosan (1968), lyrics Majrooh Sultanpuri, music RD Burman

Now comes the mother of all roasting songs. Mehmood has to be put in his place as Bhola (Sunil Dutt) and Panch Ratna Natak Mandali (led by the Guru, Kishore Kumar) realise that the girl is not in love with Mehmood but with his art. Mehmood as Master Pillai gives an unrestrained performance in his get up of a Tambam with a heavy South Indian access. Look at the words Kishore Kumar uses for Mehmood: Kala re ja re ja re, jaake naale ke pani mein munh dho ke aa, and Tujhe suron ki samajh nahi ayi/ Tune kori ghaas hi khayi. Mehmood is brilliant in his comic role. When he is led astray from the note, he is in jitters: Ye gadbadji, ye sur badla. Ye sur kidharji, ye hum chhodega nahiji, Ye akad ke rakhega ji.

Acknowledgements and Disclaimer:

1. The YT links of songs have been embedded only for the listening pleasure of the Music lovers. This blog claims no copyright over the songs, which belongs to the respective owners.

2. In some songs playing on another site has been blocked, but by clicking on the links you can play it on YT.

The post Songs of Sarcasm first appeared on Songs Of Yore.