PERFECT TIMING

The title of this article is “How to Turn Water to Wine, Part 2”. Look in the browser address bar and you’ll see. The second title just above, inside the page relates to the music news story we’ll be exploring today, during the course of this article. This is the case with most articles on SRL News and SRL Reviews. If that’s confusing, then this article may be too complex for you, please don’t read it or your head may explode. 

My girlfriend’s boyfriend is so annoying. He’s always doing weird stuff like texting in the middle of the night to say silly things like “I miss you” and “wish you were here with me”. What a douche! Doesn’t he work?

Anyway, last night as I was writing this article, the long awaited follow-up to my previous article “How to Turn Water to Wine – Part 1”; he texted while she was fast asleep. And yes, you guessed right, I had just waived my enormous magic wand on her (wink, wink). I hate to brag but I knocked her f*cking socks off like it was her birthday - or Jesus's birthday for that matter. She went straight to sleep right after the "baby shower" (wink, wink) without saying a word - she didn’t even wipe it off or take a bath or anything. I was amazing! 

But anyway, where were we? Ah, yes; her stupid boyfriend. He texted in the middle of the night while I was writing, so I texted him back pretending to be her and said “I’m on my period”. He replied, “OMG [excited face emoji], I’m on the way”. I know, what a sicko right? Not the response I was expecting obviously, so I panicked. I quickly texted back: “no, don’t come”. He replied: “you know I love it when you tell me not to cum [cheeky smiley face emoji]”. I replied: “I’m serious, I won’t open the door”. He replied, “I’ve got a key remember? Anyway I’m already downstairs”. Next thing, there was a knock on the door. And to tell you what a douchebag he is, he literally says “knock, knock” when he knocks on a door. To cut a long story short, here’s a knock, knock joke I knew you’d enjoy: 

“Knock, knock!!”

“It’s Me”

“Yes Me, Gǔn kāi (F*ck off)!!!! Dǎkāi mén (Open the door)!!!!”

Did I mention he’s Chinese? He-he-he. Yep, His name is literally Me Hu, I don’t know how you spell it in Chinese, but that’s his name. I’m not racist, I promise; but to be honest with you I don’t know if he’s Chinese, Japanese, or Vietnamese - I really don't know how to tell the difference. Every time we get together, all we do is drink saké and eat really spicy food till my butt hole starts cooking. I always forget not to eat too much of it,  everything tastes so amazing after too many sakés.

Okay let’s get to the serious stuff now, “How to Turn Water to Wine – Part 2”; and then we’ll get to the music news story of the day. 

A quick reminder, the title inside this page, just above the photo is the news story we’ll be discussing; and the title in the address bar is the actual title of this article which the news story is inside. Again, as I mentioned in the previous article; if that seems complicated to you, you are not ready for this. Close it and look around. Start in the mirror, and notice how there is two of everything – and everything has two parts. 2 eyes, 2 ears, 2 nostrils, 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 brains – (😕) I know what you are thinking, you thought it was just one ey? See why I told you you weren’t ready for this article if you were confused about the titles? Well now you know. Yes, they seem to be fused into one, because you’ve got only one head (I hope?🤣); but those two halves do very different things; so different in fact, that I like to consider them as two separate entities – it gives me more clarity and it makes me feel really special as well. In this article we’ll be making use of both brains, so buckle up because I may say something really intelligent that you’ve never heard before sometimes; and then not explain it. If you don’t understand anything, it’s because, you, like most people, use only one of your brains most of the time – I like to use both, so one doesn’t get tired or feel left out. If that happens, don't panic, just rest assured that your other brain understands completely and will reveal the meaning to you when you are more likely to understand.  If you are wondering why I instructed you to drink 6 extra glasses of water everyday later on in this article, well now you know - your head could severely overheat and stuff could get damaged - It feels amazing to know the future doesn't it? Don't get too excited yet, it could start to feel a little weird soon. I'm telling you the future right now so that you can think backwards to now. That's how we're going to approach this whole experiment, thinking backwards, from the wine to the water. Remember when you looked in the mirror a few minutes ago? Did you realise that the mirror was also looking into you? So in fact you weren't really looking at yourself but into yourself? Now, you be the water and assume the mirror is the wine. There is an old African saying that goes: "Water no get enemies". It's pigeon English which translates to "Water has no enemies". Through out the course of this experiment, you must be water. Water doesn't give a f*ck who's drinking it, if it's being drunk well, if it's being treated well, if you love it, if you hate it, if you stole it, if you peed it onto somebody after drinking it, if you shitted in somebody's well cause they didn't give you enough water, if you are a wicked person, if you are kind, if you killed a man, if you eat way too much ass or even if you worship the devil. So you must be exactly that - completely and utterly indifferent. General amnesty towards yourself and everyone in the entire universe is the key to success. If you can't be water, forget about the wine. Now, close your eyes. What do you see? And don't say nothing, surely you must see something. And don't say black, that's crazy talk. Okay what if I asked you a different way: "What are you looking at?"... I see this is getting nowhere so I'm gonna get my colleague "The Imagination Guy" in here to help you answer that question a little bit later, probably in the next instalment of this series, it is key to achieving our goal. Oh snap! I just realised I didn't introduce myself, in case you are new here. I'm "The Ideas Guy", probably the most exciting guy you'll ever meet, but whatever. Thanks for coming, the pleasure is all yours. 

Okay let’s dive in. I’m assuming you’ve already got your empty bottle of wine, right? If you haven’t, get one. Now, you’ll need 6 small glasses of wine. Line them up side by side on a table or in a cabinet you never use. Make sure it’s somewhere no one else will see them, because they’ll start asking weird questions. Fill the glasses with water and leave the bottle empty. Now shut the door and go away. Lock it if you have a key. 

Take a very deep breath. Now hold it. Keep holding it. Keep pulling in, even when you feel there’s nothing left to stretch. Keep going. Keep going. I hope you are not a smoker. Keep going. Now stop! If you are not sure you did it right, look for a mirror and turn to the side. You should look like an 18 year old hottie with really perky breasts, and you may also be making really wide crazy eyes like Nicky Minaj or even making a duck face like Kim Kardashian, but don’t worry, that’s normal. But wait, don’t exhale. Hold all that awesome oxygen in your body so it can circulate in your two awesome brains. Now breath out. Keep going. Keep going. Don’t stop yet. Keep going even when you feel like your lungs are totally empty. Keep going. If you are a smoker, you are probably already smelling things you smoked way before you were a teenager. Keep going. Okay stop. If you are not sure you have done it right, go back to the mirror again and look. You’ll look like Tom when Jerry has gone too far and he’s about to go and retaliate by doing something really sinister to him. You’re ready. 

In the next article we’ll get started. In the meantime, do this breathing exercise every day, many times a day so that your two brains are primed and ready to go when it’s time. You must also drink at least 6 small glasses of water every day until we meet here again okay? Not the ones you filled earlier on, obviously. Don’t touch those, leave them alone. Don’t even check on them or even look at them – leave them alone. And remember, don’t show anybody or tell anybody about them either, not even your best friend. Don’t worry, you can tell Jesus – he’s cool. In fact, to be honest with you, I’d be surprised if he didn’t ask you about them in a dream. You must say this and only this in response to his question: “Everything is exactly as it should be, thank you”. Don’t ask how I know what he’ll ask you, just memorise the answer kay? Just in case. Lastly, but most importantly, you’ll be required to perform a very simple yet 100% impossible task to the average human being before the next time we meet. Go down to your local high street and buy yourself one black sheet A4 of paper and a white pinpoint pen. You must not ask anybody for help finding it, walk down the street and into stores and search for it yourself. Don’t tell anyone what you are looking for, even if they offer their help. And don’t try to be a wise guy about it either – don’t buy a white sheet and paint it black; or don’t buy Tippex or a marker or crayon and call it a pen. The task is very possible - it is there and you will find it if you believe it is somewhere in a shop on your local high street, yet sadly, 99.9% of people will fail this task, so don’t beat yourself up about it. All that’s important is that you try really hard to find it and believe it is there somewhere – you must KNOW that someone, somewhere has them on their shelves, and is just waiting for you to come in and get them. Don’t tell anyone about this task either, just do it. Good luck with it. 

Now, let’s explore the music news story of the day. 

”Perfect Timing”, the new single by Jackson, Mississippi, US independent hip hop sensation Drevo Coolidge was announced just in time to premiere at this year’s SXSW music and arts festival which has taken place during the month of March in Austin, Texas, USA every year since 1987. Showcasing some of the world’s most exciting and new musicians, bands and producers; and bringing together fans and music industry professionals under one roof for a whopping 6 days for the purpose of exploration, discussion, discovery, networking and celebration of music, film and other media interests; it has become one of the most exciting events of its kind in recent times. This year, it commenced on the 11th of March and featured more than 200 acts from around the world including 250 (Seoul, South Korea), The Sully Band (San Diego, CA), Dumb Buoys Fishing Club (London, UK-England), NeOne Wonderer (Wolverhampton UK-England), Jon Muq (Austin, TX), YHWH Nailgun (New York, NY), LAIR (Jatiwangi, Indonesia), This Is Lorelei (New York, NY), Robby Hecht (Nashville, TN), Sam Williams (Paris, TN), Jack Barksdale (Fort Worth, TX), Laura Misch (London, UK-ENGLAND), Native Harrow (Brighton, UK-England), Jaimee Harris (Nashville, TN), Rodeo Boys (Lansing, MI), Delights (Manchester UK-England), Seafoam Walls (Miami, FL), Fust (Durham, NC), Elisapie (Salluit, Canada), Malugi (Berlin, Germany), Daydream Twins (Austin, TX), JFDR (Reykjavík, Iceland), Benjamin Walker (Chile, Mexico), poolblood (Toronto, Canada), SNACKTIME (Philadelphia, PA), HMS Morris (Cardiff, UK-Wales), Mia June (Perth, Australia), Styrofoam Winos (Nashville, TN), GRÓA (Reykjavik, Iceland), rEDOLENT (Edinburgh UK-Scotland), Vulva Voce (Manchester, UK-England), DICE (Perth, Australia), May Rio (Brooklyn, NY), Danny Bonilla (Dallas, TX), Chelsea Carmichael (London, UK-England), Venus Twins (Brooklyn, NY), BLK JKS (Johannesburg, South Africa), Night Lunch (Montreal, Canada), Laney Tripp (New Smyrna Beach, CA), The Psychotic Monks (Saint-Ouen, France), Certainly So (Nashville, TN), Mick Flannery (Cork, Ireland), Chalk (Belfast, UK-N. Ireland), Sofia Kourtesis (Berlin, Germany), Alexander Biggs (Melbourne, Australia), Sui Zhen (Melbourne, Australia), Jeannel (Berlin, Germany), The Rare Occasions (Los Angeles, CA), NOBRO (Montreal, Canada), Lindsay Beaver & Brad Stivers (Austin, TX), Ho99o9 (Newark, NJ), The XCERTS (Aberdeen, UK-Scotland), Iona Zajac (Glasgow, UK-Scotland), Meagre Martin (Berlin, Germany), HIEN (Budapest, Hungary), Los Cogelones (Mexico, Mexico), Ellie Bleach (London, UK-England), dust (Newcastle, Australian), San Gabriel (Austin, TX), Afternoon Bike Ride (Montreal, Canada), The Manatees (Southampton, UK-England), Omni (Atlanta, GA), Grandbrothers (Berlin, Germany), Caleb Landry Jones (Garland, TX), Axel Flóvent (Reykjavik, Iceland), Emma Aibara (Yokohama, Japan), Gruff Rhys (Cardiff, UK-Wales), Kali Claire (London UK-England), Sinkane (Brooklyn, NY), Glasser (New York, NY), Fat Dog (London, UK-Englan), Blue Lake (Copenhagen, Denmark), Bloomsday (Brooklyn, NY), twst (Barry, UK-Wales), Zheani (Brisbane, Australia), Lisa Morales (Austin, TX), Jon Vinyl (Toronto, Canada), HighSchool (Melbourne, Australia), Holly Macve (Brighton, UK-England), Jad Fair and the Placebos (Manor, TX), Bess Atwell (Brighton, UK-England), Tamera (London, UK-England), TRACY DE SA (Sevres, France), CURRLS (Brighton, UK-England), The Ayoub Sisters (London, UK-England), Buffalo Nichols (Milwaukee, WI), Dead Tooth (Brooklyn, NY), HALLEY (Waseda, Japan), Talia Goddess (Brooklyn, NY), Dream Nails (London, UK-England), Yb. (Brisbane, Australia), Wyldest (London, UK-England), IFE (New Orleans, LA), MØAA (Seattle, WA), Ken Yates (London, Canada), Water Damage (Austin, TX), RUBIO (Mexico City, Mexico), China Bears (Bridgwater, UK-England), Zoon (Winnipeg, Canada), ZÓRA (Budapest, Hungary), Madam Radar (Austin, TX), Miranda del Sol (New York, NY), Telehealth (Seattle, WA), Kroi (Tokyo, Japan), Tokyo Syoki Syodo (Shimokitazawa, Japan), Stuck in the Sound (Paris, France), Sofi Paez (Berlin, Germany), Bleach Lab (London, UK-England), San Saba County (Austin, TX), FAZI 法兹 (Xi’an, China), Kikuo (Tokyo, Japan), William The Conqueror (Newquay, UK-England), Alex Nicol (Montreal, Canada), Fantasy Of A Broken Heart (Brooklyn, NY), Chiaki Mayumura (Setagya, Japan), TFD (Total F*cking Darkness) (Vancouver, Canada), Soda Blonde (Dublin, Ireland), Presence (Camarillo, CA), Skateland (Austin, TX), Neon Waltz (John O’groats, UK-Scotland), Anna Vaverková (Prague, Czechia), Bad Bad Hats (Minneapolis, MN), Cha’keeta B (Austin, TX), zouz (Montréal, Canada), Friedberg (Berlin, Germany), Etta Bond (London, UK-England), JÁNA (Stockholm, Sweden), CLT DRP (Brighton, UK-England), Mama Terra (Glasgow, UK-Scotland), Pylon Reenactment Society (Athens, GA), Rory James (Edinburgh, UK-Scotland), Jazz re:freshed DJs (London, UK-England), Eleni Drake (London, UK-England), Harvest Thieves (Austin, TX), Hinako Omori (London, UK-England), Bee Bee Sea (Castel Goffredo, Italy), The HawtThorns (Nashville, TN), Emily Frembgen (Brooklyn, NY), Nagasaki Swim (Rotterdam, Netherlands), VLURE (Glasgow, UK-Scotland), Laura-Mary Carter (Brighton, UK-ENGLAND), L E M F R E C K (Newport, UK-Wales), Iris Jean (Alkmaar, Netherlands), Conchur White (Portadown, UK-N. Ireland), Lauren Housley & The Northern Cowboys (Sheffield, UK-England), The Tiarras (Austin, TX), Enola Gay (Belfast UK-N. Ireland), Plastic Palms (Turin, Italy), Lottery Winners (Leigh, UK-England), O. (London, UK-England), The View (Dundee, UK-Scotland), Texas String Assembly (Austin, TX), Earth Tongue (Wellington, New Zealand), THUS LOVE (Brattleboro, VT), beccs (Warehan, MA), Gavin James (Dublin, Ireland), PVA (London, UK-England), Dirt Buyer (Brooklyn, NY), maxime. (Montreal, Canada), SPRINTS (Dublin, Ireland), Another Sky (London, UK-England), testpress (Glasgow, UK-Scotland), Pelvis Wrestley (Austin, TX), Library Card (Rotterdam, Netherlands), Äyanna (London, UK-England), Ralphie Choo (Madrid, Spain), Yogetsu Akasaka (Tokyo, Japan), TENGGER (Seoul, South Korea), Arches (Hong Kong, Hong Kong), Chxrry22 (Toronto, Canada), Jack Harris (Cleveland, OH), PAPISA (São Paulo, Brazil), Minas (Cardiff, UK-Wales), néomí (Den Haag, Netherlands), Anna Smyrk (Melbourne, Australia), Softee (Moorhead, MN), Justin Webb (Nashville, TN), Hooks & The Huckleberries (Albuquerque, NM), Lauren Lakis (Austin, TX), Teenage Sequence (Fort Worth, TX), The Vices (Groningen, Netherlands), BROTHER DEGE (Lafayette, LA), Miranda and the Beat (Brooklyn, NY), Forest Claudette (Melbourne, Australia), Jeshi (London, UK-England), Askew (London, UK-England), YU-KA (Tokyo, Japan), Logan Halstead (Powell County, KY), Humour (Glasgow UK-Scotland), Dasom Baek (Seoul, South Korea), Tufan Derince (Diyarbakir, Turkey), DOMICO (Tokyo, Japan), HYPNOSIS THERAPY (Seoul, South Korea), Rainbow Girls (Bodega, CA), JM Stevens (Austin, TX), Elle Shimada (Melbourne Australia), Emily Barker (Perth, Australia), Swallow the Rat (Auckland, New Zealand), South Summit (Perth, Australia), Field Guide (Winnipeg, Canada), Discovery Zone (New York, NY), Akira Galaxy (Los Angeles, CA), Camidoh (Accra, Ghana), JADA (London, UK-England), Glixen (Phoenix, AZ), Pink Pablo (San Juan, Puerto Rico), Selfish Sons (Brisbane, Australia), Boy With Apple (Gothenburg Sweden), Do Nothing (Nottingham UK-England), Moody Bank$ (Austin, TX), Good Looks (Austin, TX), Izo FitzRoy (London, UK-England), OSKA (Vienna, Austria), Sycco (Brisbane, Australia), Perennial (Amherst, MA), Logan Crosby (Milledgeville, GA), She’s In Parties (Colchester, UK-England), Being Dead (Austin, TX), Juani Mustard (Viña Del Mar, Chile), Dobrawa Czocher (Warsaw, Poland), Population II (Montreal, Canada), Vera Sola (Los Angeles, CA), The Howdies (Athens, GA), Carla Geneve (Perth, Australia), Planet Giza (Montreal, Canada), Hour (Philadelphia, PA), Amis du Teche (Breaux Bridge, LA), Folk Bitch Trio (Melbourne, Australia), Ako（a子） (Himeji City, Japan), Redbud (Austin, TX), The Beatbox Collective (London, UK-England), Yo Diablo (Valencia, Spain), Angelo Moore and the Brand New Step (Austin, TX), Natalie Jane Hill (Asheville, NC), Hause Plants (Lisbon, Portugal), Gurriers (Dublin, Ireland), Sultan Stevenson (London, UK-England), Chartreuse (The Black Country, UK-England), JUANPALITOSCHINOS (Mexico City, Mexico), FONTINE (Winnipeg, Canada), Divorce (Nottingham, UK-England), Chief Cleopatra (Austin, TX) and Larry Seaman (Austin, TX). 

After delivering 2 show-stopping performances last year, Drevo was invited back again. At 12 PM, 4 PM and 8 PM at Austin’s Club Teller, he blew the roof off with 3 sensational live performances hosted by Hustle Streetz Music Group. The new track, "Perfect Timing", which was released to critical acclaim on the last day of the festival (16th of March, 2024), is still making its way through music distribution channels and will be available to stream on SRL Music once officially released. Meanwhile, Drevo’s previous hit single “MILL” continues to break barriers and open doors to new career opportunities and fan bases for the rising Mississippi star, who has dominated his local underground and independent music scenes for several years now. “MILL” is available to stream on SRL Music, and the official music video is available to watch on SRLTV – just select “Music” or “Music Videos” from the main website menu at the top of this page. More Coolidge news soon.

Have a wonderful day.

Explicit.






Watch "MILL" by Drevo Coolidge (Official Music Video):





Watch "MILL" by Drevo Coolidge (Mic Drop Video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5C-qfQv1Ka8

Follow Coolidge on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/drevocoolidge

Genre(s):


Skunk Radio Live Artist Profile: ▶



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