"Crack Song"
Country


Let's drink to this!

My boss caught me trying to take her kid’s lunch money today just before lunch time. It’s "bring your child to work" day here at the SRL Writers’ Room so it smells really annoying. I don’t hate kids, but they bring along with them all sorts of smells, and, well, it's annoying - to me at least. Smells distract me. Sweets, crisps, cakes, puberty, BO, poopoo, farts and even sweat. I mean who the f*ck you know sweats in 2024? This is BS!! 

Anyway, she was really furious because my hands were wrapped tightly around her kid’s neck and she was crying like a little sissy - what a woose. And it’s not like I needed the money or anything, I was just doing it to prepare her for the real world. To let her know that just because her mommy is rich, doesn’t mean she gets to do whatever the f*ck she wants to do without consequences. 

This wasn’t my first brush with the little twat. Wait can I call a kid that? Let’s move on quickly. The first time I met the little brat she was still in Pampers, and even then we didn’t get along. Every time I went to pick her mom up in the morning I had to drop her off at school too. She would leave my back seat dirty, with chocolate stains, crisps and all types of sticky things. One time, I looked under the back of my seat after dropping her off and I found a full diaper, nicely sealed and tucked away so that I would never have found it until it had started rotting, or, I accidentally stepped on it while playing hide and sex with one of my lady friends in the back seat. I was FURIOUS. I couldn’t believe a kid could be that sneaky. And what’s more, I couldn’t believe she knew how to change her own diaper and yet she had made me do it countless times and peed on my face every single time. That was the last straw. We’ve been going head to head ever since, every time her mom turns her back. 

To be honest with you this wasn’t the first time I took her lunch money and it won’t be the last. That little sh*t has peed on me so many times I started to side with R Kelly for a little while. When I found out she could change her own diaper, it was on! NOBODY PEES ON ME!! NOBODY!! You hear me?!!

Let’s get into this music review quickly before I explode.

This year has been such an exciting year in terms of indie music releases - for me at least. As someone who lives and breathes Indie, it’s been a pleasure to see and hear how independent music has evolved over the past couple of years, as far as quality is concerned - sonically and visually. I’ve heard many amazing records in the past that might have even made it onto the BillBoard charts, but unfortunately you’ll never hear. And when I say many, I mean MANY. Even though we only promote indie artists, we still require that the records we promote meet certain standards in terms of audio quality and production, especially because we also have to submit the songs we promote for radio airplay. Because you’re so awesome, I’ll give you access to one of our secret Soundcloud playlists, which features 10 tracks that I guarantee you’ve never heard and you would want to add to every single one of your Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music or Tidal playlists. Sadly, it would be impossible – like a T-rex trying to masturbate. He-he-he. What you could do though, is reach out to the artists and encourage them to release them on spotify or whatever platform you use to stream music. [Listen Here - this is my "smoking songs" playlist - and don't share it with anybody please]

The track we are about to review is exciting for more reasons than one, but we’re not going to explore any of those reasons because I want to have ample time to pack up my boxes and resign before my boss gets the chance to fire me and stain my spotless Curriculum Vitae. I’ve written the resignation letter already and given it to the receptionist at HR. I’ve instructed her to deliver it once she hears the sound of my whistle. I’ve also instructed her not to make any TikTok videos until further notice to make sure she’s fully alert. And yes, I’ve got a whistle in my mouth right now. Okay I’m lying, it’s a harmonica but whatever. I mean where the f*ck would I get a whistle from? I’m not even a PE teacher. 

I love songs about drugs so I was really excited when I heard the title of this track. I wasn’t disappointed at all, even though it wasn’t about “crack”. Just to be clear, I don’t do crack, I’ve never done it, and I’m generally drug free. It’s about the “crack” you hear when you crack open a can of beer apparently. A very simple concept but a great track. This will make a great addition to my “drinking songs” playlist. And yes, I actually have music playlists on YouTube, SoundCloud and Spotify called “Drinking Songs” and I only add, well, drinking songs to them - obviously. I’m adding this right now. 

Afton Prater’s “Crack Song” has a really organic feel-good vibe about it. It’s Morgan Wallen light, if that makes sense to you. It’s country pop meets Bloodhound Gang (minus the sexual innuendos). Not sure if you’ve heard of that 1992 rock band. They made rock n’ roll as well as rock n’ rap but it sounded like there was a little bit of hip hop in there even when there was no rapping, no boom bap or a single hip hop element – just a subtle, barely detectable vibe reminiscent of hip hop that made the song totally pop. I got that subtle, barely detectable vibe from “Crack Song”. My ears are really special so you might not get what I’m saying but check out this song titled "Fire Water Burn" by Bloodhound Gang after listening to “Crack Song” and then listen to “Crack Song” again. If you understand what I’m saying, your ears may be special too. “Fire Water Burn” was my best song a long while ago when I fell in love with Mary Jane. Unfortunately, about a year after I started smoking there was a shortage of regular weed in London. You know, the type that gives you the munchies and makes you notice tiny little things that you wouldn't ordinarily pay attention to 😆. And then came the Skunk epidemic. It was a wild and unforgettable time. I got so paranoid I literally believed all my friends were enemies, so I spent the whole semester in my room and only came out at night time. One day I returned to my room late around 4 AM and this purple Bloodhound Gang CD with a weird symbol on it was sitting on the floor right in front of my door. I picked it up, put it in my Sony 3 CD changer in-between 50 Cent's "Get Rich or Die Trying" and Styles P's "Gangster and a Gentleman", and pressed play. “Fire Water Burn” slowed my brain down considerably - a much needed change that somehow made me see things a lot more clearly. There wasn’t a regular weed shortage at all, I was just looking in all the wrong places 😊. Before long, I was back to my old self – calm and collected, without a care in the world; and hungry enough to eat up everything in your refrigerator. Okay I’ve said too much, I'm getting flashbacks. 

Just hit the play button below already and share it with all your friends. You can also listen to my “Drinking Songs” playlist on YouTube [here]. I’ve added “Crack Song” right at the top. 


For music licensing inquiries, country promotion, artist/band bookings or general Artists And Repertoire (A&R) inquiries please contact the country PR team at [email protected]

---

---