Hip hop this year was on some Love Boat shit. Mad guest appearances. So many of the best joints had features, this is Best of 2012 #3, the All Features Edition. Remember in the ’90s, when it was like a federal requirement your record had to say “(feat. Busta Rhymes)” on it somewhere? (It had something to do with agricultural subsidies?) This year was kinda like that, except with the same six or so hungry MCs everywhere. These guys were like the specialist guest stars Zilla Rocca said on the twitter that back in the day, Redman used to get $20k for a guest verse, and now it’s more like a thousand. So that means Danny Brown made about $657,000 this year. And for a guy who probably doesn’t move very fast, Action Bronson sure made it to about ten recording studios every day. I’m guessing pimped-out personal pedecab, full-time Samoan to pedal it.
One last thing: next year, I wanna see the words “(feat. Greg Nice)” 5000% more often. That DJ Yoda joint is almost official, if it was called ‘Crispin Glover’ instead of ‘Charlie Sheen.’
2012–more feat. than a fuckin’ caterpillar. With SPECIAL GUEST STARS…
LORNE GREENE as… MR. MUTHAFUCKIN’ EXQUIRE
CHARO as… DANNY BROWN
THE GUY WHO PLAYED GOMEZ ADDAMS as… OPEN MIKE EAGLE
THE SKIPPER FROM GILLIGAN’S ISLAND as… ACTION BRONSON
SCOTT BAIO as… HIMANSHU
RICARDO MONTALBAN as… ROC MARCIANO
and
LONI ANDERSON as… HERSELF
