We live in a world where dating has become completely casual. Casual relationships, casual sex, casual dating in general. If you’re going out on dates with someone, unless you specifically ask them, don’t expect that they’re only dating you. If you are looking for an Exclusive relationship, you have to be open about it. When is the right time and where is the right place to do this? How do you have that ‘exclusive’ conversation with someone you’re dating? “Are we exclusive?” Learn how to have this talk. 

What Does Being Exclusive Really Mean?

Exclusivity is the equivalent of “going steady”. At this point, you’re not actually an official couple, but you’re on the way. If you’re exclusive, this simply means that you are dating each other and no one else. 

A lot of people put up a defense mechanism where they like to keep “options” open. This helps avoid pulling all your eggs in one basket which inevitably guards you against being hurt. Being exclusive is the first step before getting into a relationship. 

Sometimes, being exclusive happens without a conversation. Oftentimes, people cut off all other prospects naturally. They just forget about other people and start spending more time with one person. The unspoken exclusivity can cause some anxiety between partners, having the “are we exclusive” talk can still be necessary.

How Long Should I Wait Until Asking Someone to Be Exclusive?

This is a hard question, which ranges for different people. You probably don’t want this time to be too short. The exclusive talking stage is really about getting to know someone before you decide to be in a full-fledged relationship. You want to give yourself enough time to ensure that a relationship with this person is really what you want. We wouldn’t recommend the exclusive talk until at least 8 dates, and generally a month at the earliest. 

You also don’t want to wait too long. If you wait, there is a chance that the person you’re dealing with will find someone else entirely. Also, there’s a chance they’re starting to think that it’s becoming a waste of time. So what’s too long? Generally speaking, if you’ve been dating someone with the intent of a relationship. We suggest not waiting for longer than 3-4 months. Remember, exclusivity is not a relationship, so if you see yourself getting serious with someone you’re not jumping the gun by asking them to be exclusive. Sometimes, things work out better when you wait a while and stay patient. 

When Is An Appropriate Moment to Ask If We’re Exclusive?

When it comes to the “are we exclusive” conversation, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a planned out moment. Just ask when the time is right. Maybe you’re dropping her off after a date. This is one of those conversations that can be had over the phone if the time is right. Just make sure it’s a time where she knows you’re serious. (I.e. don’t have this conversation after a night of heavy drinking.)

How Long Should We Stay Exclusive Before Asking for a Relationship?

This answer is fully up to you to decide. Sometimes it’s 2 weeks sometimes it can be 5 months. Oftentimes, people see being exclusive as pretty much being in a relationship without the title. Let’s call being exclusive the “trial period”. You can still back out if you want to, but you put time and energy into this so letting go will still probably hurt.

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