You know something, life is difficult enough. There is no need to try and figure out what stage you and your girl are in your relationship. So here’s a guy-friendly musical mansplanation of relationships.
Enjoy.
Attraction – Sex Pistols “Submission”
When it comes to physical attraction, I think unveiling the mystery is half the fun of the initial encounter. Johnny Rotten gets this, and he “got” plenty. He also manages to drop in a pretty sweet pickup line there as well.
Key lyrics: “I gotta solve your mystery
you’re sitting it out in heaven above”
Dating – Black Sheep “Strobelite Honey”
A second date is telling, but there will still be plenty of feel-good adrenalin to be fooled by what Dres and Mista Lawnge acknowledge as the “Strobelite” effect.
Key lyrics: “Step out in the light, come show off yourself
Yo, I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.”
Disappointment – Count 5 “Psychotic Reaction”
Disappointment sets in once the “newness” wears off, and this stage is a well-known jumping off point to call it quits. Count 5 gets this, and they liken the feeling to psychosis, especially if you dug her and the bait she cut was you.
Key lyrics: “I can’t get your love, I can’t get a fraction
Uh-oh, little girl, psychotic reaction”
Stability – Unsane “Sick”
Yeah, stability can be kind of a scary concept. Especially if you’re a lifelong bachelor. This essentially means that together or apart, you two love birds are satisfied, relaxed and happy.
Stability doesn’t always mean monogamy but you can’t bake a stability cake without it is a key ingredient. This realization can freak the best of us out.
Key lyrics: “I’m sick
What you said
I creep
Out instead”
Commitment – Spacemen 3 “Losing Touch With My Mind”
She’s got you man. And it’s not necessarily a bad thing, boys.
But sure, the next step after reaching commitment is marriage.
Fear not, the commitment stage can last as long as you deem necessary. But after a period of time – it depends on her usually – you’ll have to take that next step.
You’ll know when you’ve waited too long, because she’ll be gone. Trust me on that one.
Key lyrics: “I’m movin’, but I’m goin’ no place
I’m thinkin’, but my mind’s in space”
Bonus Stages – The breakup
You Dump Her – The Kinks “Wicked Annabella”
She’s a crazy witch, that’s why you dumper her.
Right?
Well here’s hoping she’s not, as no true bro needs to ward off a hex while embracing the healing ways of “breakup recovery.”
Key lyrics: “She’s in perpetual midnight,
She shuts out the day,
And goes about her sinful ways”
She Dumps You – Gang Starr “Ex-Girl to Next Girl”
There is no better song to recover after being dumped. The great GURU was kicking out musical mansplanations of relationships LONG before it became a thing. Plus, he keeps it simple, as we all should after a thorough ditching.
No, it’s not easy and there is pain post-breakup, but you’ll know you’re well on your way to recovery once you jam this classic and laugh aloud at just how right he is.
Key lyrics: “You and I are the past, c’est la vie, much respect girl
But now you’re my ex-girl cuz I’m on with the next girl”
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