“Shame on you!” How many times did you hear those words as a child? As children, our teachers would Shame us for doing something naughty in class, just as our parents and peer group would occasionally shame us – sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. The experience certainly wasn’t pleasant, but the shame was temporary and it quickly passed. We all experience shame sooner or later. Some people even argue that shame is useful because it keeps law and order within our societies by preventing offenders from harming others. So what’s the big deal? While shame is a normal (and extremely painful) emotion to go through, it becomes abnormal and highly destructive when we internalize and carry it with us. What is Toxic Shame? “Toxic shame” is a term that was first coined by psychologist Silvan Tomkins in the 1960s. Unlike normal shame, toxic shame stays buried within the mind and becomes a part of our self-identity. In other words, a person suffering from toxic shame will […] More

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