By Rachel Maier, MS

It's the most wonderful time of the year — or is it?

I usually look forward to the holidays, but I'm having a hard time with them this year. By the day after Thanksgiving, the hurry and the hassle of the season left me tired before I even started tackling my to-do list.

But it's my family's tradition to set up our tree and string up our twinkle lights as soon as Thanksgiving wraps up, so I shook off my stress and tried to be present — until hearing Bing Crosby's rendition of "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" for the third time in a row made my skin crawl. Before I knew it, I wanted to skip the holidays altogether.

A Case of the Holiday Blues

I crawled into bed that night and cried. I wasn't sure why, exactly. It could have been the relief that the busy day was over, acknowledging the sadness of celebrating Thanksgiving without my grandma for the first time or the reality finally hitting me that she won't be with us for Christmas this year either.

Or maybe it was the crush of the calendar and the way my family's chaotic schedule stifles joy and celebration.

Money could be to blame, too. In the past few months, if it could go wrong around here, it did — and I was feeling the pressure of financial demands.

It could have been all of it, and it probably was. No matter how I looked at it, I realized I had a case of the Holiday Blues.

What Are the Holiday Blues?

Holiday blues, or holiday depression, are feelings of sadness that last throughout the holiday season, usually starting in November and lasting through December. Even people who love the holidays (like me!) can experience the holiday blues, thanks to all the stress, busyness, extra emotion and exhaustion that come with the season.¹

Chances are you can relate: Nearly nine in 10 U.S. adults report feeling stressed this holiday season, according to a new American Psychological Association poll of 2,061 adults between Nov. 14 and 16, 2023. Forty-one percent said their stress increases during this time of year.²

While finances were the number-one source of stress reported by respondents (58 percent were worried about spending too much money or not having enough to cover expenses), the other top reasons boiled down to time and relationships. Thirty-eight percent felt stress due to missing loved ones; 25 percent felt stress due to not being able to spend time with loved ones; 22 percent were stressed about anticipated family conflicts and 20 percent felt stress due to feeling left out or excluded.²

All that stress can easily turn into the holiday blues. Financial pressure, unrealistic or unmet expectations, separation from loved ones, balancing regular responsibilities and obligations with seasonal shopping and celebrations — some of it or all of it can cause us to feel sad before the season even starts!

If you find yourself feeling down this season, you are not alone.

How to Beat the Blues

So, what do we do when we find ourselves feeling down when the push and pull of the season is urging us to snap out of it? When I'm battling the blues, the first thing I must do is let myself feel what I feel.

For example, if I feel like crying, I let myself cry. If I feel like skipping a holiday movie and curling up with a mystery novel instead, I crawl into bed early and read until my eyes get heavy (and I don't feel bad about it). If Christmas carols are making me squirm, I change the station to something I can handle (such as calming classical music, my favorite podcast or whatever catchy pop song my kids can't stop singing that day).

Then, I remind myself that while feelings are real, they aren't facts. For example, if I don't feel like watching "It's a Wonderful Life," it doesn't mean it's a bad movie. If I don't feel like listening to Bing Crosby, it's not because he's a bad singer.

Next, I take small steps to take the focus off of my feelings and put it onto what is true. How? By remembering the acronym GRACE:

1. Give

   When we give something away (gifts, time, money), it reduces the amount of cortisol (the stress hormone) in our body. Plus, it the releases "feel-good" chemicals such as serotonin (mood regulation), dopamine (pleasure) and oxytocin (sense of connection).³
   
   Many local community organizations such as churches, schools, homeless shelters and food banks offer ways to give during the holidays. For other unique ideas, here is a list of 10 affordable and creative ways to give: createthegood.aarp.org/volunteer-ideas/holiday-gift.html.
   
   If you are not able to donate time, or if you would rather donate something from the comfort of your couch, consider purchasing a present for a child in need via the Salvation Army's Angel Tree. Angel Tree tags are available on Christmas trees in the front entrance of many Walmart locations, but registries can be accessed online, too. Check out www.salvationarmyusa.org/usn/walmart-angel-tree for details.



2. Rest

   It might be tempting to mope around the house or even sleep all day when you're feeling down. But chances are, if you are experiencing depression, you're not getting good rest at all.
   
   Seventy-five percent of depressed people have symptoms of insomnia, and many people with depression also tend to be excessively sleepy during the day and thus suffer from hypersomnia (sleeping too much). According to the Sleep Foundation, "Poor sleep worsens depression that then further interrupts sleep."⁴
   
   Sleep hygiene (putting yourself in the best position to sleep well every night) is key for getting the right kind of rest.⁵ Establish a sleep routine: Go to bed at a reasonable time, and do it consistently. If you have a hard time winding down, ask your doctor about taking a melatonin supplement 15 minutes before bed, or try lavender-scented pillow spray to help calm your senses and signal your brain it's time to wind down. You could even try listening to a podcast as you drift off to sleep. Try Dreamy (www.dreamypodcast.com), where host Kristen Eddy reads familiar, classic bedtime stories in dulcet tones that help lull you to sleep.
   
   A good night's sleep is imperative to mental health, but rest is about more than just sleep. Resist the urge to "do it all." Let go of the lie that says you must spend, go, do everything to make a happy holiday. It's just not true. Instead, focus on what's right in front of you. You don't need to add extras (such as Elf on the Shelf or matching family pajamas) just to keep up with the current trends. (You certainly can do those things if they bring you joy, but if they stress you out, let them go!)



3. Appreciation

   It's true: Practicing gratitude transforms our hearts and minds. Gratitude can actually decrease depression and anxiety while also releasing oxytocin, the hormone that helps people connect. Win, win!⁶
   
   You might not think you have much to be thankful for if it's been a hard year, but if you take 30 seconds out of your day to think of just three things, you'll reap the benefits of it.
   
   Maybe it's the way your intravenous immune globulin treatment gives you more energy, that comfortable pair of shoes that support your achy arches, a neighbor who shoveled the snow from your driveway, a hot cup of coffee first thing on a cold morning or the sweet cooing sounds your grandbaby makes when she sleeps. Once you get going, the list could go on and on! Focusing on the good instead of obsessing about the bad really does help.
   
   If a traditional gratitude journal isn't your thing, try Delightful, a free gratitude app with daily inspiring quotes and a place to record three good things from your day. (delightfuljournal.com).



4. Connection

   Humans are hard-wired for relationships.⁷ But when we're depressed or feeling out of sorts, being around others is often the last thing we want to do. Remind yourself that being alone too much can make you feel even more lonely and disconnected. Go places other people will be (a Sunday morning church service, your child's classroom holiday party, a local book club). Initiate the connection: Take cookies to a neighbor, call a friend, smile at strangers, write a letter.
   
   Or, consider taking the Surgeon General's 5 for 5 Challenge. Pick five actions you can take to connect with people in your life. Then, set aside five days in a row and commit to completing them. Get details at www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/priorities/connection/challenge/index.html.



5. Exercise

   Make it a priority to get up and get moving. Exercise reduces anxiety, depression and negative moods by improving self-esteem and cognitive function.⁸ Maybe hitting the gym isn't going to happen right now. Bundle up and take a walk around your neighborhood in the evening instead of driving around looking at Christmas lights. Find a walking buddy, and have a conversation as you go (connect and exercise at once!).
   
   Or, turn on YouTube and do 15 to 20 minutes of a fun, equipment free workout. Try MadFit's 15 to 20 minute dance party workouts (www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLN99XDk2SYr7YFHIVmTffejyRZliMGGIM) (from Taylor Swift or Justin Bieber to 80s and 90s classics, there's something for everyone! There's even a Christmas classics workout video that might put you in a festive mood!).

Give Yourself Grace

Maybe it's not the most wonderful time of year for you right now. I get it. You aren't alone: So many of us can feel frazzled, lonely or sad.

As you walk through the next month, remember that the holidays are a season, and they won't last forever, and remind yourself they aren't a competition; you don't have to do more than you can reasonably accomplish this year. Connect, commemorate and celebrate in smaller, more meaningful ways this year all while giving yourself a lot of grace.

1. Cherry, K. What Are the Holiday Blues? Verywell Mind, Dec. 12, 2022. Accessed at www.verywellmind.com/holiday-blues-4771716.
2. American Psychological Association. Even a Joyous Holiday Season Can Cause Stress for Most Americans, Nov. 30, 2023. Accessed at www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2023/11/holiday-season-stress.
3. Cleveland Clinic Health Essentials. Why Giving Is Good for Your Health, Dec. 7, 2022. Accessed at health.clevelandclinic.org/why-giving-is-good-for-your-health.
4. Suni, E, and Dimitriu, A. Mental Health and Sleep. Sleep Foundation, updated Nov. 16, 2023. Accessed at www.sleepfoundation.org/mental-health.
5. Suni, E, and Vyas, N. Mastering Sleep Hygiene: Your Path to Quality Sleep. Sleep Foundation, updated Nov. 2, 2023. Accessed at www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-hygiene.
6. Logan, A. Can Expressing Gratitude Improve Your Mental, Physical Health? Mayo Clinic Health System, Dec. 6, 2022. Accessed at www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/can-expressing-gratitude-improve-health.
7. Hardwired for Connection. PsychCare, April 14, 2016. Accessed at www.psychcaremd.com/hardwired-for-connection.
8. Sharma, A, Madaan, V, and Petty, FD. Exercise for Mental Health. Primary Care Companion to the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 2006;8(2):106. Accessed at www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC147065.