Tips & Tricks

Best 7 tips to deal with your Son easily

Best 7 tips to deal with your Son easily

I have worked with many parents who are frustrated because their Children won’t take no for an answer. All too often, these parents feel it is important to explain their reasons in an attempt to get their child to understand. Unfortunately, wanting the child to understand can easily turn into a desire to gain their approval or acceptance of their reasons.

In this case, parents can get stuck in a dynamic of over-explanation to their children. Personally, I believe that once a reasonable explanation is given to the child, any further explanation is counterproductive. And if you keep trying, you run the risk of giving in just to end the discussion.

And when you do give in, train your child not to accept your rules. If you tell your child, “No, you can’t do that” and he keeps nagging you and you give in, they learn that nagging works. They learn that they don’t have to take no for an answer. You see then that many parents teach their children to nag without even realizing it.

As a parent, how can you stop negotiating and over-explaining and get your child to accept “no” as an answer? Try these seven practical tips that I provide to parents in my counseling practice.

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1. avoid scolding the child

Some children get angry when they are told ‘no’ and manage their anger by asking their parents for an explanation. They may say “That’s not fair” and start getting angry. They take it out on you.

From there, things can escalate into a shouting match. And if you yell at your child (and by the way, I understand how easy it can be), you are now on the same level as far as they are concerned. And when you put yourself on their level, you deny your own authority.

Of course, the first time you yell, the child can react however you want. And it can also work the second time. It may work the first ten times. But there will come a day when the screaming won’t stop and the situation will escalate until he breaks something or puts a hole in the wall.

In my opinion, yelling usually doesn’t work, because the child only learns to respond with more aggression. And if a parent tells me that their child won’t take ‘no’ for an answer, I always reply, ‘If you push bullying, then your ‘no’ doesn’t really mean ‘no.’ It means ‘keep pushing’, ‘keep trying’, or ‘maybe I’ll say yes if you push hard enough’.

If your child says, “You can’t make me” and refuses to obey your rules, I advise you to calmly tell him the following:

“I am not here to force you. But if you don’t follow the rules you should take your responsibility 

Then apply an effective consequence that fits the situation.

2. Establish your authority from the beginning

If your children are young, establish your authority early on. The earlier you firmly establish your authority, the easier it will be for your child to learn that “no” means “no.”

Parents establish authority by setting limits and providing structure. For example, don’t let your two-year-old walk in the street. And don’t let your three-year-old go to the pool. Set boundaries and enforce them. Boundaries define the framework you will use as parents for the rest of your childhood. So start early and be consistent.

If your children are older, don’t be discouraged, but know that it will take a little more time and perseverance to re-establish that “no” really means no.

3. Learn how to deal with young children who are overstimulated.

Remember that young children are sometimes overstimulated and in this case it is difficult for them to respond to instructions. However , parents should take a part on this

If children are overstimulated and get carried away, take them to their room where they can sit down and take a five-minute break. This will allow them to calm down. Next, you can talk to them simply and firmly about their limits.

Ask them if they are willing to follow the rules, and if they agree, let them go. But if they continue to resist, leave them alone until they are ready. If the child is overstimulated in a store, you can use your car as a calming zone.

4. If the child continues to suffer, turn around and walk away.

I think the best thing you can do when your child won’t stop defying your rules or consequences is to professionally say:

“I’m not going to argue about this anymore.”

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Then turn around and walk away. Don’t respond to the rhetoric. So if you say “no” and your child starts saying “but, but, but, but…”, move on. If you give them the power to change your mind, they will change you again and again.

I think kids need a reasonable explanation, but once they have it, you don’t owe them anything. This is not productive.

5. Explain the rules to your child when the situation is calm.

The time to explain concepts to your child is when things are going well. So when the situation calms down, sit down and tell your child:

“Look son if i tell you ‘no,’ i don’t go back on my word , i don’t want to talk about it , ‘no’ means no.”

It can be helpful to coach them if the word “no” is particularly frustrating to the child. Say:

“If you are mad from my ” no” , go back to your room and do anything. You must do anything to calm yourself down.”

This should start very early. Let’s be clear: if you give in to the tantrums of two-, three-, or four-year-olds, you are training them to challenge your authority. You’re teaching them that you give in when they misbehave. And they will use the same tactics every time you challenge them.

And remember that if this works in infancy and is not corrected, they will use it as adults, causing even more problems.

6. Being too strict can be counterproductive

Being too strict can be counterproductive in the long run. As parents, you want to give your children more freedom as they grow up and show that they have earned your trust. But do it on your own terms, so that you maintain your parental authority.

I believe that part of a parent’s job is to teach children to accept limits. But I also believe that parents should allow their children to challenge and test limits appropriately. It’s natural for children to test limits, that’s how they grow up.

7. Avoid being your child’s friend

Your job as a parent is to teach, coach, and set boundaries for your child. The role of setting limits, in particular, is an essential part of your parenting style. Parents often tell me that they don’t like to set limits. These are the same parents who tell me they want to be friends with their children. I understand that and I don’t judge them.

But I think it is a mistake to assume that the parent-child relationship is a friendship, especially in the early years. My son didn’t want me as a random friend. He needed me, as a father, to tell him:

“No, you can’t stay out past ten o’clock on a Friday night unless I know where you’re going.”

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“It’s time to turn off the phone , computer etc … and do your homework son “

Personally, I believe that the parent-child relationship is ongoing and complex. If your child wants to be your friend, he probably won’t be until adulthood. And that’s fine.

In fact, while I am not an advocate of being friends with your child, I do believe that you should be friends with your children. This is the positive outlook I often talk about. Talk to your children as if you love them, even when you say ‘no’. Don’t put on an attitude. Be friendly and speak in a kind tone that conveys the message you care about.

I know it can be difficult, especially when you are frustrated and your child acts like a pillar. However, it is important to be as positive as possible when dealing with them, because they are very quick to pick up on negative feelings and internalize them quickly, or to aggressively rebel against them.

Conclusion

Parents should be clear and honest with themselves about the reality of the situation if they have nurtured in their children the problem of “never taking no for an answer.” If your child resists your “no”, understand that you have nurtured this behavior until now and it has developed. Therefore, it is unrealistic to expect this behavior to change without conflict.

I think you have to set limits and respect them, without forgetting that the child is not going to change his behavior from one day to the next. If you don’t start before the age of fifteen, remember that you have shown your child that you are an accommodating person and that you don’t mean it. Once you have inadvertently trained your child to believe this, it takes time to interrupt this training.

These patterns are difficult to reverse, but parents can do it. You need to develop a plan of action. This plan should include what you will do, how you want your child to behave in a given situation, how to teach him to do it, how to react if he is so overwhelmed that he cannot do it, and how to set limits on behavior. In my opinion, these are the fundamentals of good parenting and are an important part of what I teach in my Total Transformation® program on child behavior.

The good news is that with effective parenting tools, unless the child is suffering from a severe behavior disorder, most children will eventually reverse and start responding, and that’s just it.

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