There comes a time when we realize that change can only occur within one self. For many this can be difficult. Even the mere mention of change can make one feel uncomfortable. But, sometimes it???s an action that must be accomplished to achieve success in one???s life or when one needs different outcomes. In these series of articles Carolina Alvarez, a children and family therapist for over 10 years and Julio C Caba author of Tales of an Underdog will discuss steps to change. These steps come from real life experiences and tried and proven therapeutic techniques. It will not be easy; as change never is, but can give those that want to change a different perspective in hopes of motivating those in need. In this part, we will discuss the number one factor to change. To begin the change process, we must first force ourselves to see our lives from another perspective. We must do one of the hardest things, look at the mirror and ask the deep and hard questions of self. This is vital to change because it will allow you to see what it is that you need to change. This is the moment you must be brutally honest with yourself. You must find out how is it your own fault that certain situation occurs. Even if you are completely convinced or you are very sure the fault lays with others. This is because most of the time you cannot change others and only have the power to change self. Julio C Caba: One of the best changes I made in my life that helped me change everything was placing blame on myself. Even if a situation was caused by another person; I go deeper and ask how did I get involved with that person or is there something I could have done to protect myself from people that would put me at risk. The funny part is after some time of thinking this way I discover how I could have avoided it even if I had no control. In the case of becoming a single father, it was not my fault that the mother of my children left my children behind. But it was my fault that I was involved with a person with such character. Warning signs existed but I choose to ignore them. This lead to me putting protections in place or test of character before trusting people. This has led to me only having great people that Match my personality around me. Carolina Alvarez: One of the best changes I have made in my life is accepting my individuality and owning my decisions. I became the mother to 3 children without giving birth to them and I became a wife without getting married. All these decisions were mine but I did not own them, I continuously gave credit to this happening to me but not recognizing and accepting that I made these decisions. One I owned it, everyone around me including my family of origin accepted my decision to be a mother and a wife because in their mind as in mine it was not my decision it just happened and they resented this. But , when I owned my decision to being a great mother to my children and a great partner to my husband my perspective in life change and my parents and sibling???s perspective about my life changes too. Change only happens when you are ready for it! As a therapist and all my years of experience I have encountered that the best way for a person to make changes is when they are ready. Change is process were an individual identifies a behavior they would like to change or modify. They can analyze and make a list of things that might have worked in the past and things they have done that do not work. You can start with this exercise: - Take inventory of what goals you have, or what you want to do with your life. - Write down your plans from year 1 to year 5 to help you achieve your goal - Evaluate your behavior or current situation along with any barriers you may have. - What and how needs to change to reach your goal. - Change, get rid of or modify your behavior. - Identify those who can and cannot help you to achieve this goal and write their name down. - Inform the ones that can help you about your goal - And stay away from the ones that cannot help you or unmotivated you. This is just the first step in your quest for change. These series of articles will discuss different strategies to changing. The next part discussed will be environment. If you would like to get updates when articles are submitted add yourself to our email list. Author: Carolina Alvarez L.M.F.T Author: Julio C Caba m.b.a Change M.F.C.R Tales of an Underdog www.changetherapy.vpweb.com Available on Amazon www.myindividualandfamilycounseling.com www.talesofanunderdog.com www.julioccaba.com