As Rex excels at communication only in specific situations, allow me to translate his thoughts on this excellent question, posed by one of Rex's admirers in one of her blog posts.
"What makes a good lover?"
It’s all about the foreplay, so before we leap into the deep end, let's address the 'lead-up':
- First of all physical appeal, and we're not talking about 'super model' facial features, we're talking about both figure (for Rex it tends towards slim/petite, delicate ankles, shapely calves, firm small hindquarters, a narrow waist -- the rest is gravy) and a face that is appealing to that particular individual. Among Rex's male friends, none of them agree on a universal set of features, so beauty is indeed in the eyes of the beholder. Each man and Woman has his/her own particular predilections in partners.
- Second pheromones, if you are lucky, she/he will be (according to recent research) your polar opposite in terms of natural scent signature. This has happened to Rex perhaps 5-6 times in his life (er, in other words, rarely), his first committed mate being one of them, the last less ideally, his “The One” definitely being the best connection ever. (He could just drink her scent in, and not just the nether regions, just the natural smell of her bare skin.) When one runs into a lover who has this going for him/her, there’s a natural release of inhibitions that consistently leads to very hot sex. Evolution built this phenomenon into us to ensure more certain coupling/fertilization/bonding happens between genetically diverse individuals.
- Then there’s her personality, NOT confidence, per se -- a certain reticence and shyness mixed with a look of smouldering interest goes a long way in arousing a man’s interest in making a conquest, but it absolutely can go the other way, the 'brazen hussy route'. Part of all this, however is the reason that female make-up was created and is ubiquitous, there are few things more unconsciously stirring for a man than a woman who, especially despite feigned disinterest, can’t stop her pupils from dilating when she looks at him (eyeliner), her lips from parting (lipstick), her cheeks (blush) and earlobes from flushing (earrings), her body from moving and twisting in certain ways (nail polish, bracelets, necklaces, revealing dresses), her breasts from lifting (decolletage) and her pelvis from shifting backwards/upwards (high heels), or her breath from coming in sharp intakes/gasps/pants. Be aware of the cues and work them, ladies!
- Can she kiss, or allow herself to be kissed? Depending on the man, as it is with dancing, it can be a big turn-on for the girl to hold back and let the man take the lead. Does she breath in at the right moments to let him know what she likes? Does she move her head towards or away? Can she let things take their natural course, or does she fight for control, or to move faster? How does the rest of her body move in reaction to what is happening above the neck?
"Rex, R U a good kisser?"
In a related aside, in answer to this question Rex had the following to say:
- Good kissing, like great sex, is all about the push and pull, teasing, not being sure what’s coming next, then getting surprised by a sudden tonsil-tickle, then not again for some time. A brush of the lips on the neck, breath passing the ear, a hand sneaking up the back of the neck and suddenly gripping a big fistful of your hair quite tightly, then releasing it just as quickly. Lips across one cheekbone and a tongue flicking, lapping over your eyelid. A small bite, not on your lip but on the ‘vermilion’, the edge of your lip. A penetrating, probing tongue-tip at the corner of your mouth, in then out, both his hands moving, sliding, pressing and plucking, caressing everywhere else, then rising to encase your head and neck, your jaw and ears as his thumb slides into your mouth along with his tongue.
(Not that Rex knows much about it...)
What's aft of the foreplay?
- How sensual, not simply sexual is she? How interested is the woman in the man’s body? Is she running her palms over his biceps? Does she want to feel the muscles on his chest or back, or is she just reaching for that one predictable part of his anatomy? Now there’s nothing wrong with wanting to find out A) how aroused by me is he at this point? And B) is he, well, 'substantial' enough to prove adeuqate? But the best lovers are going to be the ones with a high degree of interest in overall/multiple body part stimulation.
- Is she into letting him do what he wants, or is she trying to control things to go her way? Is she conservative to the point where, when he runs his mouth/teeth over the sides of her feet, her Achilles tendon, the tendon below her kneecap, etc., etc., she gets all antsy about this activity "not being appropriate" (i.e. or what she’s used to/expects), or that it’s somehow dirty or off-limits? Is she equally 'liberally minded' towards contact everywhere else on her person?
- Is she creative and sensual enough to not insist on getting fully naked immediately? There are few things more arousing than working around, over, under and through items of clothing.
- How ‘member-friendly’ is she? Rex has found that girls who are really GIB (good in bed) are also the ones who are REALLY into men’s 'extensible protuberances'. They just really like them, the heft of them, the changing stiffness, the accompanying bits. They enjoy playing with all the parts, tasting them, stimulating them. They treat his bits like they’ve learned they like their own treated, NOT like in the porn movies with lots of slapping, pinching and grabbing, but teasingly, with softness mixed with firmness, inattention followed by intense attention.
- Rex has found that, with a really sensual woman, the overall level of intensity and stimulation has less to do with her pleasing the man, than it has to do with her own enjoyment of everything that's going on. What Rex is trying to say is that the best sex from the man’s perspective does not come via a woman working over his parts because she wants to please him, but because doing so pleases her.
- Is the woman interested enough in the activity to lose herself in it and actively try to reach for the letter 'O'? Is she willing to talk to him, advise him on what to do and where to go to please her. Is she willing to use her own hands to help him get her to where she needs to go, or is she disappointingly ‘conservative’, taking a silent back seat and putting his needs first? Rex doesn’t enjoy sex much with a female who, if she cannot achieve the big 'O' the first time, is not at least TRYING to help him to get her there. (Some men, Rex sadly acknowledges, apologizing for our half of the gender divide, really don’t spend a lot of time worrying about the woman’s needs. Perhaps Rex spends too much, but if you find a man who IS concerned about you in this regard, you owe it to him to not be shy about your most intimate proclivities. It’s supposed to be the reason you’re “doing it” in the first place!)
- On a similar note sensuality-wise, after you’re both finished, is she relaxed enough to enjoy the aftermath? (In Rex's books there's nothing worse than the woman who bolts for the bathroom like someone yelled "FIRE!")
- Lastly, in enjoying the spent feeling and the intimacy, is she mature enough to let it be what it was, a great physical experience, or is she immediately beginning to attach emotions where they really don't belong given the length of time you've known each other? Great sex can be just that, ladies, it isn't inextricably bound to bonding, it is an important part of the process, but insisting that it is always a significant step in the inevitable march towards a committed relationship is Disney fairy tale belief that was really best left back in high school. We're all grown up now, sometimes we just need the work-out!
WOOF!
Read the entire collection of Rex's short stories by getting a copy of "Is Rex a Dog?" for FREE at Smashbooks by clicking here!
