Very few Conservative media venues have mentioned "Second Gentleman" Doug Emhoff since Fake Biden's Fake Inauguration.

He hasn't posted on Instagram since that infamous day(s).

No one knows what specific campaigns for the betterment of American he'll pursue during his tenure as the so-called "Second Gentleman."

In fact, if you didn't know better, the very existence of the "Second Gentleman" might not have occurred occur to you if he wasn't at the Fake SOTU last night.

So what exactly is Douglas Emhoff all about? Who is he? Is he doing anything to serve America?

Or should we start a "Where's Emhoff" chant at the upcoming MAGA Rallies as we once chanted, "Where's Hunter?"

Every time I look at Douglas Emhoff, an involuntary shudder runs down my spine. That quote from Chicken Run comes involuntarily to mind:

That's mean. None of us can control our looks but we can control our character. And all I need to know about Doug's character is encapsulated in three little words: He married Kamala. On purpose!

This was no young infatuation nor "You have to marry me. I'm pregnant." No, Doug went into marriage with Kamala with his eyes wide open. He'd already cut his matrimonial teeth with the first Mrs. Emhoff.

They suit each other. He's creepy and she's creepy so I guess my Grandma was right: There is a lid for every pot and apparently Doug didn't mind marrying a woman whose career, it's often said, was built in Willie Brown's Bedroom, instead of being earned on merit in the Boardroom.

But to be fair, photos of Doug and Kamala together show that his eyes are kind while she's always wearing the biggest, happiest smile when she's pictured with him. She lights up like a Chanakah Menorah around Doug so it appears they not only love each other, but even more importantly, like each other as well. And if so, I'm happy for them.

Douglas Craig Emhoff was born on October 13th, 1964 in Brooklyn, NY to Michael and Barbara Emhoff. He grew up as the middle child with brother, Andy, and sister, Jamie, in New Jersey until the age of 17 (there's that number again!). That's when Father Emhoff received an irresistible job offer to advance his career as a women's shoe designer and the whole family relocated to California. Doug's been there ever since, well, until Kamala stole the election. But I digress...

He earned a Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of Southern California’s Gould School of Law followed by a a Juris Doctor Degree from the USC Gould School of Law in 1990.

Unlike so many of us who end up doing something entirely different than what we studied in college (Graphic Design for me), Doug did what he studied: he became a lawyer. Here's Wikipedia's summary of his career:

It certainly wasn't differing political viewpoints that tore Doug and Mrs. Emhoff the First asunder! If her tweets lean any further Left...they'll tumble arse-over-teakettle!

Despite being busy as the President of the libtard movie production company, Prettybird, she's so passionate about liberal politics that Kerstin worked on Kamala's Presidential campaign, attended the Fake Inauguration and is an avid fan of her ex-husband's new wife's political career. And to make it even stranger, Mrs. Emhoff the First still uses the "Emhoff" surname while Mrs. Emhoff the Second doesn't.

(Did you follow all that? It's confusing.)

Doug and Kerstin's 2008 divorce after sixteen years of marriage wasn't exactly one of these old-fashioned divorces where both parties go to their graves respectably hating each other's guts. Oh no! This is a modern divorce where everyone remains very, very chummy...at least, for the prying eyes of the media.

If that works for them, more power to 'em. But forgive me for casting a very jaundiced eye on the whole situation. It's a little too "Playing at Happy Families." That doesn't work well when one member of this happy little ménage à trois (platonic, of course) is Kamala the Kondescending Kommie. Trust me on this one. Lived it. The details would curl your toenails.

They only allow you to see what they want you to see. If the squeaky-clean Duggars were creating a Pollyanna fairytale for their viewing public, the Emhoffs definitely are. Mark my words!

Still, it's to Kerstin's credit that she's so enthusiastic about Mrs. Emhoff the Second's political career...and she certainly seemed to enjoy attending the Big Fake Inauguration  judging by her Instagram photos. (See above.)

Like so many of the best marriages, Kamala and Doug were matched up by a mutual acquaintance, Chrisette Hudlin, in 2013. Doug claims it was love at first sight and in 2014 he got down on one knee and proposed.

I know from experience that the only thing more adrenalin-squirting, heart-racing, I-think-I'm-going-to-pass-out terrifying than meeting your future step-children (especially if they're teenagers as my three were) is meeting your future in-laws.

Harris claims that at the first meeting with her prospective mother-in-law, Barb Emhoff, she took Kamala's face in her hands and said, "Oh! Lookitchyou! You’re prettier than you are on television!” I guess you can take the mother-in-law out of Brooklyn but you can never take the Brooklyn out of the mother-in-law.

Doug and Kamala (in viriginal white) were married at a courthouse in a ceremony conducted by Kamala's sister, Maya.

Writing for Marie Claire, Jessica Goldstein writes this: "Being with Harris has helped Emhoff, who is white and Jewish, recognize his privilege—his carefree attitude at airport customs; breezy exchanges with security guards—and see into his blind spots. Harris calls out these incidents in real time, Emhoff says. “She’ll say, ‘You realize that wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t a white dude?’”

How would you like it if your spouse was constantly white-shaming you!?! Not so much? Oh it gets better.

According to Forbes, "Since Harris and Emhoff married in 2014, he has generated more than three-quarters of the couple’s combined $11.5 million in earnings, working as a highly paid attorney in the private sector." But that doesn't stop Kamala from being a nag, I mean a battle...I mean a...a...read on!

Goldstein goes on to quote Emhoff: “Imagine working from home with Kamala Harris, during a pandemic and all the other issues going on,” he says. “She just works hard, and she’s relentless.…It’s just incredible how much she does. And I’m looking over and she’s looking [back] and she goes, ‘What are you doing, Dougie? You working?’ And I say, ‘Yep! Yes, honey.’”

She sounds like a riot! I work from home too. Michael harps on me too...that I'm doing too much. He nags me to stop, rest, put my feet up. And we don't have $11.5 million! But that's just us.

I hope Doug is happy but his revelations in Marie Claire remind me more of Howard Wolowitz greeting his friends with the words: "What brings you to my little slice of Hell?"

Kerstin and Doug were blessed with two children: Cole (named for John Coltrane; born in 1995) and Ella (named for Ella Fitzgerald; born in 1999.)

Cole holds a degree in psychology and works for Plan B Entertainment, a production company founded by Brad Pitt. Like his father, he hasn't really posted much on Instagram since the Fake Inauguration but since 2019ish he seems to be in a happy relationship with a widly traveled girl called "Greenley." There's plenty of boozy pics of them together. Money isn't exactly a problem for them, unlike so many other young couples.

But it's Ella Emhoff who's really grabbed my attention.

I'm a big fan of the saying, "Every barn needs a little paint." Heaven knows I do! The women in my family are paler than marshmallow fluff and wouldn't be caught dead taking out the garbage without first donning eyeliner and lipstick out of empathy for the neighbors who might have the misfortune to see us. It's almost the 11th Commandment: "Thou Shalt Paint Ye Olde Barn."

But in Ella's case, she seems to work on the opposite ethic.

She has a beautiful smile, lovely naturally curling hair...but she works hard at appearing as ugly, tired and miserable as possible. That's harsh but she worked hard to deserve that description. And I'm not even talking about her bristling armpit hair!

I had high hopes that, after her connection to Kamala (and that memorably ugly coat on 1/20) landed her a modeling contract, that she would enter the Hallowed Halls of Beauty like Audrey Hepburn in Funny Face. Enter a caterpillar, emerge a beautiful butterfly.

Something went terribly wrong. She might've looked at a whisper of face powder as it whizzed past her but she emerged into the Fashion World with her monobrow intact, looking as exhausted and miserable as ever. She takes "heroin chic" to new, lower levels. It's an insult to us poor people who unfortunately find themselves face-to-face with her photos on Instagram and to the other models who actually work hard on their appearances. Talk about "privilege"!

Quick! The Visine! My retinas are burning!

Hell if I know! I guess Doug's  Twitter is probably the best source for that info. According to the White House's website, "Douglas Emhoff will devote his time to the causes of justice, equality, and human rights" which is sufficiently vague as to convey absolutely nothing!

Tomorrow, Doug and Pete "Boot-edge-edge" are going to North Carolina. Something about the American Jobs Plan. (Here's a wild idea: Forget about the "Plandemic." Open up the country. Abracadabra...jobs! What'd that take me? Like 2 seconds!?! It ain't rocket science...but it is Donald Trump's plan!)

On April 9th, Doug gave the White House librarians cupcakes. Oh be still my beating heart!

If he really gave a damn about "justice, equality and human rights," he'd be on the side of the Angels conducting the audit of the 2020 Stolen Election. But he's not because he doesn't care about "justice, equality and human rights" for the 80+ million Americans who re-elected Donald Trump. And because he married Ms. Pro-Planned Parenthood herself who persecuted the journalist who revealed Planned Parenthood's sale of tiny baby parts as well as aggregiously prosecuting minor crimes, cruelly and hypocritically punishing her fellow people of color for things like cannabis.

So maybe that chill down my spine was right.

Maybe Doug's eyes aren't so kind after all.

Maybe their marriage isn't as happy as it appears.

You are judged by the company you keep, and sometimes by whom you marry, and Douglas Emhoff could hardly have done worse.

"Second Gentleman"!?! Hardly! "Second Creep." That's more like it!