I have realised something about some of my past “let’s call them flings” – well other than them being disappointments – they were indecisive as hell, in one way or another. There’s a delicate balance to be found in handling a strong woman, and as strong as we are, we don’t want a man we can walk all over.

I’m a feminist and proud but I believe that men should be men. I don’t want to subjugate a man, I want him to be proud and strong, leading when he should and not be threaten by his woman leading when she should. Unquestionably, relationships are about comprising, nobody should be leading all the time. It’s about striking a healthy balance.

Now, nobody wants a man who spouts the old “I like you but blah-blah-blah” I say, when you are young, you get a pass, but as you grow older you should have your standards set. Be honest about what you want and what you can or can’t give. A man should be able to say, I only want sex – your partner is either up for it or not. Hell, men are even becoming indecisive in the bedroom. I’m sorry, but if you lie back and expect a woman to be on top all the time (true story, this actually happened), something is a little off.

This is where we then have to ask ourselves – Do we continue to go with the flow or take charge?

I will admit, that in the past I use to let a man lead in the early stages of a relationship. I would let him decide the dates – after all, he was paying – I would even let him pick the movie. Now that I’m older it has gotten harder to just go with the flow and I’ll be damned if I let him pick the movie without my input.

It’s this dance that has recently become so perplexing to me. I am very opinionated and I love that about me, but if you have ever been told to “tone down your arguments” for fear of scaring away a potential partner, then you understand my predicament. A female friend of mine, in a bid to give me relationship advice, has even told me that I am ‘too strong’ and that ‘men like to feel needed’. What the actual hell was my response I am honestly still indignant about it.

So, I have worked all my life and continue to work so that I don’t need a man to take care of me and I get called ‘too strong’ if I don’t call or text a partner every day. In essence, I was being told to make myself less to be with a man. Make myself less, and go with the flow. Well, that just doesn’t work for me.

The sad reality is that I can be intimidating to others. My best friend shared a story with me about her now husband and his conversation with a male friend of his. Apparently, his friend saw me and wanted to pursue me romantically. However, my friend’s husband in no uncertain terms, strenuously dissuaded his friend from even attempting to talk to me, because his friend, in his words “did not meet my standards”. Now, I have never had a conversation with my friend’s husband about my standards, but his impression of me, based on how I speak and the way I carry myself, he was convinced that his friend would be quickly dismissed by me. First, he wasn’t wrong. It does take a strong man to gain and keep my attention. However, I am not uncompromising.

I guess in the end, my days of going with the flow are long gone and while I may seem the type to always want to take charge, that honestly, is not the case.

Still, men need to understand that they have to instill in their partners, confidence in their abilities to take control so that she, in turn, is comfortable enough to let go of the reins.

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