1:08am
Three months of probation passed simply in a nifty. In a nutshell, I can't recall any informative
To them, I might be just a self-adhesive tape peeling off one's patience little by little. Well, of course, it would be a fabrication to not denigrate the countless reasons as to why I broke down every single day after work.
Work, it applies for responsible adults who have a sole rationale behind what they do. For me, I have no idea but I remember the motivation was to earn money. And then Lucy came into the picture, where, you know, expenses for the month of July starts to pile like a load of laundry, except that no matter how hard you clean those sheets, it's still dirty. The cat is sucking my life forces and I couldn't help but notice the extreme lethargicness I've developed over the past two months. Surely I would not bear to give her away, not after having to spend approximately $300 on her personal expenses alone.
First was lack of sleep from my cat's nightly routine/inconsideration, then it was the seemingly missing spark I have had for my job. And when all else didn't work out, I started to think that I might have been possessed by a mean spirit.
So I went to the temple this evening to request for an answer via the sticks method (it's basically a golden tainted tin filled with 100 number sticks. And whichever single stick fell to the ground shall bear the answer to one's enquiry for the God.) I had number 82, upon asking, I explained that I have no specific question for the God but I did ask them to "guide me in: what to do with life" According to number 82, it states that a benefactor will help me only if I wanted to be helped.
SOS!
For once, I just wish to perform well at work and not receive constant reminders set by the authoritarian world. I hope to be able to work, which includes putting my brain into good use whilst not reading newspaper article every day analyzing the itinerary for the day being left alone to rot and die from being desk-bound.
Every so often I was lured into the sphere of unnecessary gossips and talks. People be complaining about how sultry the weather is whilst strolling (taking their own sweet time walking) under the sun; without utilising the brains by walking faster to seek shelter. And I am stuck with people who just can't SHUT UP about how perfect their family/life is. "Oh my daughter did this, she's the best, she paid for my bills blah blah". Once or twice I get it, you enjoy the luxury of having a filial daughter, but 80-90 times? I simply don't get people who constantly talk about themselves? Portraying their life as positive as it can be.
Sure, there were times when Mom proclaim that these might not be the truth, a seemingly happy person breaks down behind closed doors and we shouldn't listen attentively to their stories. I counter-attacked by responding, "I rather they keep their mouth shut than constantly lying to the public, it's pretty implausible and oxymoron.
Life after graduation pretty much pivoted into skyrocket low, wish I could just start over.
