3:08am

On the contridictary, what seemed like endless nights of ramblings and ravings had a twist of a plan. I've accepted a job offer, and is starting this wednesday. In less than 48 hours, I am no longer what society has deemed "redundant" or "unemployed" and I'll soon learn to embrace the life of adulthood, which is still pre-existing at the moment.

Got a little excited as the day draws near. Don't know what to expect, nor I have any sense of idea how it will work out. But we'll play it by ear. Did a little excessive shopping the other day, bought a bunch of clothes under the courtesy payment by mom.

I'm extremely nervous to be honest. Mom claims that I over-analyse things at times, for example fearing over retrenchment within a month's time. Or I doubt I would do a great job in securing the position as a adminstrative assistant. I've been hearing stuff in my room for the past 30mins but that's ok. Told myself that I would start altering my current lifestyle, since you may have guessed; blogging at 3 am hoping that by 10 I would be awake for breakfast. Which once again prove otherwise.

I guess unequivically, the fear of starting a new job derives from my previous experience as an intern. First month was murder and it only gets better on the subsequent months to come. It settled only when I decided to step up my own game, by initiating and learning to deal with situations individually, not as an intern student but an adult. I hated what is left of as memories at that company. And I was certain that I hated everyone's guts since I realised humans tend to get manipulative at times. While that has become a history to discard, I wish my new setup would be the completely opposite.

During the month of April, I went for several job interviews, and under most peer pressures, I had almost accepted several jobs at once. Due to the fear of the term "laziness". Well I most certainly are, but I felt there's always a need to justify myself. If you had thought I was lazy, I jolly well prove that I'm not. Which calls for the unnecessary break-downs and sucide thoughts. I have been rejected for almost everything in my 20 years of life, and I'm sure there's more to come. Each rejection just proves to be more brutal than the previous I reckon.

So that's what life is about huh.