Time. It ticks away.  This has seemed fast.  Just early October when we made the trek to New Mexico.  Now the minutes tick by.  The last few days have been ones of steady decline.  I medicate him now, every 4 hours because he is unable to.  He is mostly nonverbal, with occasional words that are garbled.  I medicated him at 9 last night to much the same.  At 1am I was up.  I couldn't wake him.  He was breathing, but shallow.  I sat for a while and watched.  He seemed peaceful.  In my nurses mind, I thought "this is it". I feel asleep and awoke to my alarm for next med time at 0445. He was laying in the bed smiling at me and waved. He sat up and took meds.  In my nurses mind I thought "ok, this isnt it".
At 0845, I woke him. He never opened his eyes but took his meds.  I asked him if he wanted to get up, and there it was, the look.  He opened his eyes and mumbled something. I didn't need the words, I remember the look.  I'm 9, he's 12 and I've invaded his space.  He is busy doing something and I've got questions.  Way too many questions.  The look isn't mean, its actually gentle, but I remember it. "go away, come back later".
The nurse in me said "still his little sister".
I wouldn't have it any other way.