As the more Emotional aspects of my personality continue to exert themselves I notice the Bargaining process beginning. Discussions with the blg misty unknowable on how to avoid upcoming events. Today was particularity emotional since I was able to Visit with my old undergraduate professor and mentor from the 1980's who I had not seen in about a decade. She was in Chicago for the holidays and made a special trip down to visit. I of course cried like a baby at her embrace and we were able to visit for several hours. A major highlight in my day and one I will not forget (literally take to my grave). I appreciated her visit so much and because of her compassion I made through graduate school with a freshly minted PhD many years ago.

My mother came by in-preparation for a visit by Father Mark who administered communion. This was primarily for her benefit but got me tracking on the bargaining process and reinforced the notion that much of this process is about others and my job is to muddle through the tears as best as I can.

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You knew, the why me, not now, I did everything according to the book, don't I get a pass? But no, I don't get a pass and like everyone else walks this road alone but surrounded by friends and family.

At this point I don't i'm not sure how I feel about the traditional death watch and must confess a certain ignorance about the process, so I guess some study is in order. Questions like who should be around

, do the kids participate? How boring is the process? Will there be games? I just don't know at this point and perhaps I can evade the question altogether.

As I speak with others who have traveled this road with others i'm amazed at the detailed personal stories and accumulated wisdom i'm hearing but have yet to find a good distillation, so i'll just keep looking.