It’s been a good day thus far. I woke up early. Did read a little. Took my dog Lolita for a walk. Then went to the gym with one of my bbfs. Now I’m here, sitting at my computer, smoking my cigarette (I should not, I know).  Ahhh for how long I haven’t feel this feeling of well-being. That feeling of Living life and not just living on a bed, as I was a while ago. This … it was me. That’s how the depression left me. Let me put on a song while we talk about how I feel good. How about “Trem Bala (Ana Vilela)”?
Ok..let’s back … I was at the Mercy of evil spirits. I was at the mercy of the dark part of my life. Maybe they’re still around a bit. I’m not totally healed. But for me, spending more days without trying suicide is more than a victory! It may mean nothing to you who is reading this but to me it’s like climbing Everest. It is to know how to feel infinite in a universe so vast and beautiful … to know to dream. I climbed and felt the way strengthened me. It’s strengthening me. Every day more. I can not say that I completely forgot about the past. Of the smiles and words that were thrown to the wind that hit my face. But gradually things are fading away. I want to stay close to everything I think is right until the day I change my mind. And maybe this will take time.
The world is not a rainbow. It’s a dirty place that will get you down on your knees and you’ll get on your knees if you’re not strong enough to stand up and fight. And I know I’m strong. I’m not a coward. . I got enough. I look at my scars and remember my fights … and I also remember that I beat them. And this is one more that I’m going to win. On this side of life the music is good, has good friends, good times, the view is beautiful, I live quiet and my body dances without stopping and, who knows, there is someone to love. To start over, just feel like it. And that, I assure you, will not lack. Because I want to be happy too