I’m on vacation! Hand me a frozen cocktail and don’t be stingy with the rum!

Finally going on a real vacation out of the country for a week. Heading out on a Caribbean cruise with my gal and parents. Dad likes to drink and mom likes to gamble. We all love to eat. On a cruise ship that is a winning, if deadly, combination. Drinking, eating, gambling, island hopping and shopping. I think I might experience almost all of the Seven Deadly Sins over these seven days. We’ll make the most of it though I’m sure and have some great fun. I just need to keep in mind a list of things to adhere to that will help make my vacation time more enjoyable. Lord knows spending the week with the parental units will cause some stress to begin with.

1. I will not be on social networks of any kind as soon as that cruise ship pulls away from the port. It’s called a vacation for a reason! I am totally disconnecting for a week. Off the grid. Incommunicado. Lost in space. See ya!

2. I will not be posting vacation pictures on Facebook, Instagram, Yelp, Twitter, Snapchat, Tinder, LinkedIn, Clown Sex Weekly, or any other internet site. I will not be one of  “those” people who feel the need to post a million pictures of everywhere they go every minute of their vacations on social media. It’s almost as if people forgot how to actually kick back and enjoy the destinations and sights they experience. They just run around looking for photo ops to quickly post and show off to their friends and followers. Dozens of pictures. Hundreds of them. Thousands. Honestly, none of us really care. Just stop already. Go have fun, enjoy, and download the pics when you get back. We’ll see them later on.

3. A Selfie Stick. No. Just…….No.

4. A fanny pack will not be worn. That is just advertising that you are a dork tourist on vacation. Especially when you’re in another country. What makes the look even worse? Wearing black or brown socks, shorts, and sandals. Don’t even think of wearing jorts. You’ll look like someone who just finished shopping at Walmart. Don’t do it.

5. There will be no counting calories. Why go on a vacation if you can’t fully indulge? We work hard all year long so splurging a bit on ourselves is a right well deserved. Have that second helping! Eat that third dessert! I want to drink so much booze I almost vomit on the ship’s captain! As long as I don’t fall overboard it’s all good. Safety first! Now hand me that frozen pina colada and slice of cake. I’ll sit my fat ass down and be a gluttonous pig, thank you very much.

6. In response to #5 it also does not mean I neglect my fitness. Cruise ships nowadays have killer gyms on board so getting in a few workouts will be on the agenda. Gotta kept in shape somewhat during a week of gluttony. I need my pants to still fit when I get home. Hmmm……wonder if I will be allowed to drink while on the treadmill? It’s all about hydration baby. Even if it’s one of those tropical drinks with an umbrella on it.

7. Do not be the “Ugly American”. I know I’ll be a guest in another land. Be respectful and don’t do anything stupid. Last thing I want to do is wake up in a jail cell in Haiti next to Jean Pierre.

8. I will not be wearing a Speedo while at the pool. I will also not be sharing a hot tub with a  bunch of overweight hairy dudes. No public nudity. This is a vacation not a nightmare.

9. Can’t think about the money. Nothing is cheap in life anymore. We are all here for a short time and can’t take it with us when we go to that vacation villa in the sky. I know we will spend some coin on this trip and my credit cards might take a beating. So what? I’m going to eat and drink well, be entertained, pampered and taken care of. Plus, spending the time with my family is worth it. Can’t put a price on happiness.

10. Do not think about work, or sneaking away to the internet cafe on board to check emails. I know I can be a workaholic at times. I even went into the office the day after Thanksgiving to get work done even though the office was closed. Must resist. The company won’t collapse the week I am out. I just can’t be all stressed out thinking about all those emails I’ll probably have when I get back. Need to enjoy life first.

As the saying goes we should “work to live and not live to work”!

Bon voyage! See you all in a week. Stay safe and be well.