As someone who has always celebrated events which mark the passage of time, I have been dumbfounded by the revelation I’ve been having the last couple of years, that yes, my days are numbered and that life is indeed finite.

I have always been keenly aware of when one season is transitioning to the next, pausing to anticipate how the tone of my days will likely change. My husband regularly teases me when I alert him to the date in which the current season will change to the next. I also hold a curiosity of how lunar changes may impact my own and the energies around me, so full moon advisories come to anyone who is close to me.

I thought that these efforts signaled that I was being conscious of the cycle of life. Maybe I was. But I recognize now that it was on a small scale. At 64 I feel I have been hit on the head with the revelation of the finite nature of life.

Acknowledging my mortality

I’ve been a journal keeper throughout my adult life, diligent to document my emotional journey as I navigate the various stages of my life. I’ve also kept a wish list for my life. As I update this list at least once a year to anticipate the new year, it’s been interesting to see what gets crossed out and what gets added. The charcoal brown Mercedes lost its appeal in my 40s. My desire to stay fit, healthy, and live my life from a spiritual Perspective never has left me.

One wish was that my parents live to be the age of 80. One year I crossed that out and changed it to 85. My dad is now two months away from 89 and my mom 86. My father was diagnosed with dementia a couple of years ago. It’s been a hardship that has especially impacted my parents. If the dementia weren’t enough, my dad’s eyesight is so bad that he cannot read and the arthritis so bad in his back that his Physical movement cannot expand past a 90 degree hunchback.

Recognizing that my parents are now physically vulnerable, with my mother as a constantly tired caretaker, has shown me a mirror to my own mortality. These two people who have given me life, who grew to be friends who I embarked upon adventures which ranged from travel to the family room. I recognize they are just one generation ahead of me.

Overcoming the fear of what comes with aging

I can’t really say that I have a Fear of aging itself. While I don’t like many of the physical manifestations that come with getting older, I don’t fear the process. I feel good about who I am at this age and try to manage the physical aspects as best as I can.

What I have the greatest trepidation about is death itself. I am someone who likes to understand how things work. The unknown of leaving this worldly plane is my biggest fear.

• What’s going to happen?
• Will I get to be with my loved ones?
• What will life be like on the other side?

I’ve read books involving people who have had near-death experiences, as well as those who have been brought back to former lives through deep hypnosis. I found these stories to be fascinating at first yet going deeper it felt like too much information. I think I’ll work on my faith and let the adventure unfold when it’s time.

The Gift of Perspective

There is a gift in recognizing that the stopwatch for life does not run on unlimited time. My cousin, a successful building contractor, lost his wife to an aggressive cancer at the time they were beginning a retirement planned for global travel. A favorite client in great shape recently passed away suddenly from a rare heart condition at age 62. “Do it now while you still can” has been a mantra passed on by family and friends that I have recently been taking ultra seriously. What more do I need to put things in perspective?

I am a harsh judge of myself. I don’t give myself enough credit for what I’ve done in my life. I tend to put more focus on what I need to do better. Yet as I look at my life in terms of unlimited time, the value I place on what needs to get done is changing. I can’t continue to take for granted that I will be physically able to do the many things that are on my bucket list. I realize that I must begin making some of those plans now.

If this strikes a chord with you, I’d love to hear why in your comments. Thanks for visiting.