I use to think by giving into a man's sexual desires; he's going to appreciate me more and stay around longer.

For some deep rooted reason; it felt breathtakingly good to be desired and needed that much; even if was just sexually

Ironically, the same thing I feared the most and tried to avoid at all cost.

Turned out to be the same vicious cycle; I was reliving again and again.

Like a heart plunging boomerang it swung back to me everytime.

And Everytime It Did| I tried Put More Effort In Fighting Back:

I even resorted to becoming more creative in bed.

1. I extended my sexual efforts into multiple positions.
2. Did that "little thing with the tip of my tongue on the head of his large penis."
3. Moaned louder like an obedient character in their sexual fantasies; such as swallowing, facials or even sex on cameras.
4. I got more popular around the male community. They all wanted to try me, some even tried to buy me.

All of that seemed flattering; but it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to feel special, important and a sense of belonging.

What I Resisted Persisted:

To add salt to the wounds; I didn't even enjoy the sex in most cases.

Instead I was being an open enemy to myself.

Almost as if my innermost fears were transmitted through my desperation; in looking for love the wrong way.

• Like wolves turning competent circle; they snuffed me out, like their favourite prey to mercilessly devour
• Entice my deep longing to feel special. Put a price on vagina and keeping true love ransom.
• Call me for hookups; ate me like a "take way meal" bought at a drive through.
• Used me up, till my vagina was numb; than toss me away like damaged goods.
• Keep private conferences with their friends. And discuss me inside out; like someone who don't deserve respect.

Subconsciously, I was looking to satisfy something deeper than my sexual reality.

I was trying to be part of something bigger than my worthless self.

I Was Trying To Fill The Hole In My Aching Soul:

You see the most gruesome experience in my childhood:

Is when my father suddenly left my mother for a sexier and much younger lady.

If you Can't beat them| Join Them. -source-unknown

I guess that propelled my flawed strategy to become a sexy Women when I grow up.

Assuming in doing so; men would never leave me again.

I really thought my dad was sincerely devoted and would never leave my side. Until it happened!

It shattered my little soul, sent ripples through my harmonious upbringing and burnt deeply into my tender heart.

What made it even more compelling, painful and destructive; was the fact that he never looked back.

Unknowingly I Was Attracted Men Who Reminded Me Of Him| Perhaps I Needed Closure:

These men who I found attractive; were not good natured, they were rebellious, unreliable, hooligans and conflicted people.

They were males suffering with similar or even worse torment backgrounds.

Such as chronic abuse histories, abandonment issues, hostile upbringings, etc.

Indirectly; I felt comfortable around the people who were also deprived from love, the luxuries of life or harmony.

For some reasons; our love and pain spoke the same languages. Even if it meant begin kicked out of a moving car, physical abuse.

Then being aggressively fucked in all my holes; in the sad name of Love.

Felt better than being graciously treated by judgemental charming men; who had better childhoods.

Who's family may see you as some "Trailor Trash Gold Digger" or not suitable enough for a daughter in law.

.In my sick mind decent guys were fake, because like my father they don't stick around for long.

I Thought Because They're Flawed, They'd Be Non Judgemental:

To my demise they were liars, swindlers and had no backbones.

They feared responsibility and make broken promises like eating Sunday icecream.

They're short-term thinkers; who's role models were Hollywood actors from some gangster movie.

Because They Had No Examples Of Who Men Should Be Like:

Since they also grew up fatherless. And we all know kids like us fall for anything, because we stand for nothing meaningful.

Or atleast so it feels in the mind of someone who suffers from lack of esteem.

We Do Stupid Things To Fit Into Friendship Circles:

Just like gang members has to perform some ignorant initiation rituals to prove his/her worthiness.

Likewise do some males and females participate in some activities to impress their friends.

Not because we only longing to be accepted; since a parent rejected us.

But Mostly Out Of Ignorance| We Just Don't Know How To Find Friends:

Besides, you can only relate to what resides in you; until your learn better.

In the process of trying hard to fit in, I was emptying my soul out.

It's like filling a bucket with water. Only to discover it had holes all along once you reach your destination.

Bottom Line:

You don't need someone else to complete you. Instead of sacrificing your body for love, or searching high and low for acceptance.

Become a lovable, trustworthy and desirable person. So the right person can find you.

Make yourself the source of happiness to his needs.

Don't try to be everyone to everybody. Rather focus setting yourself apart from the rest.

Otherwise, they'll sense your desperation and exploit you.

Just like Pawn Shops exploit people by paying them less for expensive goods.

Understanding Their Fears| Gives You A Clearer Picture:

Similarly that females may look for specific traits that defines the most suitable mate.

Likewise do they look for the best quality females to mother their future children.

Which makes them kind of anxious, unsettled and enjoying the ride; while it lasts.

In the minds of males the following is detrimental to their selection criteria:

Even if your situation doesn't necessarily fall under the below examples.

Sill it'll help you position yourself in the most fitting plane of in the "decent citizen world."

• Men fear humiliation: Such as dating the wrong females (sluts). Which is obviously like falling in a deep pit.
• They try their utmost best to avoid pain, regret, disappointments, pregnancy traps, or heartbreaks.
• Wants to make a good impression on their parents, friends and family. So they avoid dating indecent, promiscuous, or females with a bad reputation.

This information is based on real life research, interviews and experience with men. Including my husband, brothers and male counterparts.

Firstly: You have to understand the mindset of men in general.

Men are so much the same in many other walks of like. Although they may differ on the examples below:

• Race:Also known as ethnicities. Which are large groups of people classed according to common racial, national, tribal, religious, linguistic, or cultural background.
• Personality traits: Unique qualities that helps to define you as a specific individual. Most often developed through life experiences.
• Behaviour: Is generally the way you act or conduct yourself, especially towards others.
• Attitudes: It's a frame of mind, a way of thinking, a way of looking at things. Which is often shaped by our beliefs, feelings or sentiments, etc.

They do relate on a more common societal platform. Regardless of their financial status, educational backgrounds, etc.

Simply stated; the categories above are communities.

Likewise, can find similar communities in hobbies, interest groups, industries, etc.

It's like we're all living in communities, of communities; of other interconnected communities.

Yet They're The Same In Many Ways:

Just like the female kind; belongs to some communities that only women can relate to.

Meaningful we can relate to many difficulties other females endure.

Regardless of their faith, race, status, backgrounds, wealth, educational levels, etc.

Examples; such as monthly cycles, pregnancies, giving birth, complicated orgasms, emotional connections, and so on.

Of A Similar Power Are There Male Commonalities:

Unlike women; males are not fantasizing "White Weddings" and a princesses to sweep them off their feet.

They probably had their fair share of seeing how sneaky, lewd or selfish some women are.

Despite the fact that they are just as Flawed. They instead wants the best quality for themselves.

It's Like Casino Money vs Hard Earn Money:

Gambling money generally goes from hand to hand, and belongs to the streets.

While money you worked for is considered more valuable, dignified and respectable.

Likewise; Are Easy Women For Them All| While Loyal Females More Exclusive:

Men love women in a way that you would enjoy a delicacy and most women wants to be valued as such.

However there's a silent war going on between males and females.

It's like a bittersweet explosion of love versus hate relationship. Sex and drama, angels and demons.

Fire and ice. Like a live electric wire that touched a pool of water.

The more explosive sparks it produce. The more soul shaking, psychotic and unpredictable it becomes.

Back and Forth The Dance Goes| One Says This, The Other Says That. While The Rest Of Us Are Caught In The Crossfire.

Many of us have seen this happening in the relationships of our moms and dads.

• They say things they don't necessarily mean during arguments, pack up to leave, the one runs after the other.
• Ask where the hell you think you're going. They yell! Shout And Scream at each other; like they're talking from distant places.
• Just to end up in each other's arms in the most loving way; the following day.

It's hard to figure out how love really works. But one thing for sure it's not a "Fairy Tale."

It's real, ruthless, naked and Provocative. It will bring out a side of you; that you never knew existed.

Males And Females Are Playing On Each Other's Emotions, Weaknesses And Insecurities:

Bigger Is Better: Some females undermine males by hitting them below the belt:

In reality most of these acquisitions are baseless. Because if that were; then females would have found the secret fountain orgasmic pleasure (big penises).

Sadly, even a large manhood struggles to satisfy a female through mere penetration. In fact it seems like females with a void in their souls; thinks it can help to fill it.

Slut Shaming: As a result males retaliate by attacking the reputation of women; who tend to shop around for bigger penises.

Which really makes a woman feel worthless like used goods and therefore undeserving of "true love.

Deadbeat: The battle is now in full swing and women are looking out for themselves:

Considering the risks of unplanned pregnancies, and common financial difficulties in marraiges.

As a solution they're now looking for accomplished men and avoid males incapable of carrying their own weight.

Gold Diggers: Some males find it hard to deal with and some females gives them ammunition:

Especially those women who don't care who's toes they step on. The make money their primary goal; while losing their souls in the process.

Especially those who hunt for married men, or maliciously play the field with several men for financial favours.

A man's loyalty is tested when he has everything| A woman's loyalty is being tested when her man lost everything. -source-unknown

In Summary:

Men loves loyalty and don't like sharing their women with other males.

They take it very seriously when a female has a history of multiple sexual partners and this gives them a red flag.

On the other hand they love women and sex. Which is where your question is being answered.

He might see you fit for a sex buddy, casual sex choice, or one night stand. But too risky, for a long-term relationship.

What helped him come to this conclusion. Is either how quickly he had his way with you.

Perhaps your reputation (under the male community), or even risky behaviours he detected; which triggered his slut detection alarm.

This is Why: The story of Large Penis Sex Has Just Gone Viral!