I can't speak for everybody else but myself. But deepdown I felt hollow when I cheated on my Husband with a well hung colleague.

My soul was corrupted. Because I chose lust over love, size over value, and empty sex over a legit relationship.

How could I expect to be filled; when I knew my oath was invalid and built on hollowness.

It all began to make sense; why I felt deprived in a secure marraige.

Which The Sum Of All:

1. My negative self talk, which ultimately displayed itself in my miserable character.
2. Complaints about unnecessary things; to justify my excuses to fail.
3. Deflecting my dishonesty through starting arguments over stupid things.
4. Assuming that my treacherous conduct was a solution to a rocky marraige. Which I generously contributed to.

Lying To Myself:

By thinking investing lies, deceit and ultimately betrayal. In the false hope of finding happiness.

I mean how can you plant onions and expect tomatoes to grow.

Of a similar power was I attempting to build happiness on my husband's misery.

Bad Intentions Can Never Result In Good Outcomes:

The reason why I couldn't see that my marraige is valuable.

Is because I was worthless inside. We see the world as we are; inside.

What Makes Matters Worse Is The Fact That:

The Sexual experience wasn't as great as fulfilling as the fantasy.

It felt like I was falling in a deep pit; that's when I realized it's a lousy decision.

All the childlike anticipation, chemistry and excitement. Faded as soon as he entered my vagina.

• His manhood was much bigger than I could ever imagine. The foreplay was insincere and superficial.
• Which made the actual experience daunting like a painful punishment.
• I couldn't relaxed; knowing I'm breaking a sacred vow. I was hurting and disappointing my family; by indulging in illicit sex.
• It wasn't as Earth Shattering as my fantasy. Instead it was tearing my world apart like a nightmare.
• As he manoeuvred and gradually forced his thick penis head in my tight hole.

With every forbidden inch thicker than what I'm used to. I could feel the anticipation instantly turning into regret.

I Couldn't Clear My Mind From Flashing My Husband's Face|

It's almost as if; my conscience was reminding me of what I'm replacing; through this act of betrayal.

It was too late to stop him from penetrating me. I mean what would be the point?

I was now living in my own defeat. Which was the summary of all my manipulations, blame shifting, gas lighting and treacherous plots.

I felt dirtier with every deepening stroke that stretched me out like a rubber band.

A Woman can never focus on the affair partner. If he mind is bombarded with the extent of betrayal.

As he was eagerly trying to please me with his deep strokes.

I was unresponsive; displaying my emotional disconnection; like a dead fish.

Almost as if I was disappointingly watching myself; drifting away from my wifely character, into the slut I became.

I Hoped He Could Just Cum And Get It Over With :

Because all I could think of is how to protect this stain on my soul from being exposed.

I was trying to run from the crime scene and bury the evidence as far as possible.

Almost as he sensed the deep regret and disappointment in me.

He suddenly stopped...as if he seemed confused about my tense body and clenched fists.

Whether He Ejaculated Or Not, I Couldn't Tell Or Cared:

He used a condom and for some reason I couldn't feel his penis twitching or spitting cum.

Even if it did I wouldn't be able to tell, because my mind blazing with worries of Falling from Grace.

He just somehow stopped his in and out motion; in about 20 minutes after it began.

Asked: "Are you okay?"

With a worried look on his face. I assumed he could sense my sexual desire merged into a hollow feeling; if ever it existed.

It was just a fantasy that seemed exciting on the surface. But didn't have the supporting qualities of a genuine relationship.

As Fake As It Was, So Was My Forced Smile:

I then replied in a shaky voice tone:"Yes...I am..." Couldn't maintain eye contact because I was disgusted at how low I steeped.

He's Male Ego Looked Dented:

Almost as if he doubted his performance. He then hopelessly got off me and went to the bathroom.

I just laid there for a while. Trying to process; what just happened. I just wanted to Run and pretend it never happened!

1. The disappointment of my true character and conduct now filled my disquieting conscience.
2. Or perhaps I felt disgusted at how empty my promises to my spouse now felt.
3. Then the reality of my Betrayal hit me; like a ton of bricks. I felt like dying, or just vanishing from the face of the earth.

The worst challenge was living with myself after knowing I did something this low.

I Wish I Could Turn Back The Hands Of Time And Erase This Deed:

You see on the surface; these things has a way of displaying false desires, projected excitements and childlike enthusiasm.

The extra attention and subtle flirtations may seems alluring; at first. Because it enhances sexual tension.

So it intoxicates you with dark desires, obsessions and vivid fantasies.

The Thrill Of The Chase And Secrecy.

Feels like an adrenaline rush. Boosting your desire to submit into extramarital sex.

Similarly like that Hollywood sexual explicit movie; which seems to further motivate your intentions..

Perhaps you're curious, bored with your marraige, or simply hungry for external validation.

But Reality Only Sinks In After A Woman Had Sex With Someone Other Than Her Husband

After all your plotting, planning, strategizing and positioning...

You finally spread your legs to a forbidden penis. That's when the reality of your flawed character seeps in.

Then you actually smell the stench of your decaying self-esteem.

Turning into forbidden musky odours of reckless sexual behaviour

• Of course you thought the affair would add value to your boring life.
• You may self deceptively think cheating sex; would feel better and send your vagina to the stars.
• So like a eager teenager; you anticipate the first sexual experience of your crush. Until it happens; then you realize it wasn't worth it.

Instead Of Giving| It Actually Takes From You:

Your self-respect, self image, integrity, trust, vows, reputation, peace of mind. Which ultimately kills your spirit.

Suddenly your excitement replaced with shame. The worse part is living with the guilty conscience of knowing you're a fraud.

So How Does A Woman Feel After Cheating On Her Husband?

If he's an attentive partner. You feel as if the act of betrayal is proving you're unworthy of his love.

Then begin to reflect what's inside of you. Making you more insecure, jealous, and paranoid of consequences.

The Tables Turns On You:

Now you're not lying to protect your desire to cheat. But rather lie to coverup your infidelity.

Fear of the truth coming out suddenly roots itself deep in your heart. As a result you become more jittery, unpredictable and edgy.

In Summary:

In the beginning a woman may use her treachery to conceal her intentions for extramarital sex.

But after it actually happened. She may find herself using lies to hide her true character.

Either way, it's psychologically and emotionally exhausting. Because, there's so much negative energy surrounding her efforts.

Which leaves no room for the actual enjoyment of life. Because she keeps looking over her shoulders.

Because the sex with the affair partner is backed by paranoia of getting caught, contracting diseases or falling pregnant.

And Like A Doubled Edged Sword:

Sex with her unsuspecting husband is also back by guilt and weaponized to keep him from becoming suspicious.

Which ultimately makes you more miserable, insecure and behave suspiciously around close friends and family.