Being in a relationship when you're depressed is tough. I should know - I've struggled with Depression for years. There are days when just getting out of bed feels like climbing a mountain, let alone being an attentive, caring Partner. But with work and commitment, it is possible.
Over the years, I've learned a few things about how to be there for my partner even when I can barely be there for myself. It's not easy, but with small acts of effort and kindness, you can maintain a healthy relationship despite the ups and downs of depression. If you're depressed and worried about the state of your relationship, don't lose hope. With understanding, communication, and a willingness to accept help, you can absolutely be the partner you want to be.
This is a journey, not a destination. But the first step is simply realizing that you matter to your partner, depression or not, and the relationship is worth fighting for. That's where it all begins.
Communicate Openly About Your Depression
As someone with depression, I know how hard it can be to open up to others about what I'm going through. But communicating openly with my partner about my depression has been key to strengthening our relationship.
When I'm feeling down, I try to let my partner know how I'm doing without hiding anything or putting on an act. I'll say something like, "I'm having a tough day and feeling really depressed." Just vocalizing it helps lift some of the weight off my shoulders. My partner then knows not to take my mood personally and can offer extra support.
We've also had longer conversations about what depression feels like for me and how it impacts my thoughts and behaviors. I explain that sometimes I have trouble getting out of bed, feeling worthless or hopeless, or just want to isolate myself. The more my partner understands what I experience, the better equipped they are to be there for me during episodes of depression.
While talking about depression isn't easy, communicating openly and honestly with my partner has brought us closer together. When I'm able to share details about my mental health, it helps alleviate misunderstandings and strengthens the foundation of emotional intimacy and trust in our relationship. And on days when I'm struggling, I never have to go through it alone.
Overall, making the effort to communicate openly about your depression can help create a healthy, supportive partnership built to last. It may be difficult, but with time and practice, openly sharing your experiences with depression can become second nature.
Seeking Professional Help
When I'm feeling depressed, it can be hard to be there for my partner like I want to be. The truth is, the best thing I can do is get help. Seeing a therapist has made a world of difference in my ability to cope with my depression and be fully present in my relationship.
A good therapist can provide counseling and advice tailored to your unique situation. They can give you strategies for managing negative thoughts, setting healthy boundaries, communicating better, and avoiding isolation. Speaking with a professional also helps you gain perspective and ease feelings of hopelessness. It has taken time, but therapy has helped me develop coping mechanisms so I can better support my partner even when I'm struggling.
If therapy isn't an option, consider other resources like support groups, self-help books, or calling a free helpline. The most important step is simply reaching out. Don't try to deal with depression alone. Let others who care about you - especially your partner - offer help and support. It will make you both stronger.
Speaking of your partner, be open and honest with them about what you're experiencing. Let them know how they can support you, like giving you space when you need it or doing small things to help out. Compromise when possible and express appreciation for their patience and understanding. While depression is difficult, tackling it together with professional help and open communication can help build a healthier, happier relationship.
Making Self-Care a Priority
When you're depressed, it can be difficult to maintain healthy relationships. One of the best things you can do is make self-care a priority. This means taking time for yourself to recharge and engage in activities that boost your mood and ease your symptoms.
Exercise
Going for a walk or jog, doing some yoga, or just getting outside for some fresh air and sunlight can do wonders for your mood and stress levels. Even just 30 minutes a few times a week can help. Exercise releases endorphins that act as natural mood boosters and also helps clear your mind.
Eat a healthy, balanced diet
What you eat has a significant impact on your mental health and mood. Focus on whole foods like fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Limit processed foods, sugar, and unhealthy fats. Staying hydrated and drinking plenty of water is also important for your mood and energy levels.
Engage in hobbies and social interaction
Make time for hobbies, activities, and social interaction that you find meaningful or uplifting. Do something creative like art or music, read a book, call a friend, get out of the house and go to a local event. Social interaction and engagement can help combat negative thoughts and boost your confidence and self-esteem.
Practice self-care techniques
Try relaxation techniques like meditation, deep breathing, journaling or yoga. A few minutes a day of mindfulness or meditation can help reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, increase awareness and focus, and promote an overall sense of wellbeing.
By making your mental health and self-care a priority, you'll be in a much better place to be present and supportive of your partner and your relationship. While depression can strain relationships, with work and commitment to effective self-care and management of your symptoms, you can absolutely build a healthy, mutually supportive partnership. The key is being kind to yourself so you have the mental and emotional capacity to also be kind to your partner.
Let Your Partner Support You
When you're depressed, it can be hard to be there for your partner like you want to be. But letting them support you is one of the kindest things you can do for your relationship.
Talk About Your Feelings
The more I open up to my partner about what I'm going through, the less alone I feel. I tell them how my depression is affecting me each day - if I'm feeling sad, unmotivated, irritable, etc. Just putting my feelings into words helps lift some of the weight off my chest. My partner appreciates when I share because it helps them understand what I need and how they can support me.
Accept Help and Affection
It's easy for me to isolate myself when I'm depressed, but I try to accept the help and affection my partner offers. Whether it's giving me extra hugs, making me coffee, or running an errand for me, each act of kindness helps me feel loved. I used to feel guilty for "burdening" them but now I see that supporting me gives my partner a sense of purpose. Letting them in and accepting what they give makes us both feel good.
Be Honest About Your Needs
I tell my partner exactly what I need from them to feel supported. Sometimes I need space, sometimes I need distraction, and sometimes I just need them to listen. Being open about my needs prevents misunderstandings and ensures I get the right kind of support. It also makes my partner feel more equipped to help me, rather than confused or helpless.
While depression can strain a relationship, letting your partner support you in small ways can help strengthen your bond. Focus on communicating openly, accepting affection, and being honest about your needs. Having a strong support system will help you both weather difficult times together. Your partner wants to be there for you - let them.
Be Honest About Your Limitations
When you're depressed, it can be hard to be the partner you want to be. But communicating openly and honestly with your partner about your limitations and needs can help strengthen your connection during this difficult time.
Be honest about what you can and can't do
Tell your partner how you're truly feeling and what you're capable of on any given day. Say something like, "I'm feeling really down today and don't have the energy to go out. Would you mind if we stayed in and watched a movie instead?" Don't feel guilty for needing to rest - your health and wellbeing should be the priority right now.
Ask for help when you need it
Don't try to deal with your depression alone. Let your partner know specific ways they can support you, whether it's by making you a meal, giving you space when you need it, or simply listening when you want to talk. Say, "I could really use your help today. Would you mind cooking dinner or running an errand for me?" Your partner will likely appreciate knowing concrete ways they can assist you.
Reassure your partner that you still care
Even if you're struggling, make an effort to express your affection and appreciation for your partner. Give them a hug, hold hands, say "I love you." Reassure them that your depression is not a reflection of your feelings for them. Let them know that with their support, you will get through this difficult time together.
Seeking professional help
Speaking to a therapist or counselor can help you develop skills for coping with your depression and maintaining a healthy relationship. Ask your partner to attend sessions with you. A counselor can provide advice tailored to your unique situation and help ensure you're both getting the support you need. With work and a commitment to open communication and self-care, you can build a stronger connection despite the challenges of depression.
Express Appreciation for Your Partner
When you're depressed, it can be difficult to express appreciation for your partner. But showing you care is so important for the health of your relationship. Here are a few ways I try to show my partner I appreciate them, even when I'm struggling.
Say "Thank You"
The simplest thing I do is say "thank you" whenever my partner does something for me, whether big or small. A quick "thanks for making dinner" or "I appreciate you listening to me today" goes a long way. Verbally expressing gratitude, even for routine things, makes my partner feel seen and valued.
Give Compliments
I make an effort to compliment my partner regularly. I tell them they look nice, that I appreciate how hard they work, or how much I value a quality like their kindness or sense of humor. Compliments don't have to be over the top, but genuine and specific. Hearing nice things about themselves helps my partner feel loved and boosts their confidence and self-esteem.
Doing Small Things
When I have the energy, I try doing little things to show I care like giving a card or small gift, cooking a favorite meal, or giving a massage. Physical affection and quality time together are so meaningful. If you're not up for an elaborate date night, even just cuddling on the couch or going for a walk together can help you reconnect.
Be Honest About Your Limitations
I also make sure to communicate openly with my partner about what I can and can't do. I tell them if I'm having a bad day and may need extra support. I'll be honest if I don't have the capacity for physical intimacy at the moment. Clear communication about my depression helps set realistic expectations and avoids hurt feelings. My partner appreciates my honesty and transparency.
While depression makes relationships harder, putting in effort to express appreciation and affection, even in small ways, can help strengthen your connection. Make the most of the good days, be kind to yourself on the bad days, and keep communicating with your partner. With work and compassion, you can maintain a healthy relationship despite mental health struggles.
Make Quality Time Together a Habit
When you're depressed, making quality time for your relationship can fall by the wayside. But spending meaningful time together is so important. As someone who deals with depression, here are some ways I try to make my partner a priority:
Plan Dates and Adventures
Even when I'm not feeling up for much, I make an effort to plan dates with my partner like going out for dinner, seeing a movie, hiking, or just trying a new coffee shop. Having these little adventures on the calendar gives me something to look forward to and helps strengthen our connection.
Practice Active Listening
When we do spend time together, I make a conscious effort to actively listen to my partner. That means making eye contact, giving them my full attention, and asking follow up questions. I try not to check my phone or get distracted. Active listening shows my partner they are important and helps us communicate better.
Express Appreciation
I express my appreciation for my partner whenever I can through words, cards, small gifts or acts of service. Saying "I appreciate you" or giving a heartfelt compliment can go a long way. Doing little things to show I care helps make up for times when my depression may make me seem distant.
Be Physically Intimate
Physical intimacy releases feel-good hormones that can help ease depression symptoms and bring couples closer together. Even simple touches like holding hands, hugging, kissing and cuddling can help. Don't underestimate the power of physical affection and make an effort to be intimate with your partner regularly.
Making quality time a habit and priority in your relationship takes work, but it's worth it. Focusing on planning dates, really listening, expressing appreciation, and being physically intimate are all ways I strive to be a better partner even when depression is making life difficult. Putting in this effort will strengthen your bond and help see you through hard times together.
Be Physical and Affectionate When You're Able
When I’m depressed, being physically and emotionally intimate with my partner can feel like the last thing I want to do. But I know that affection and intimacy are important for the health of our relationship, so I make an effort when I’m able.
Start Small
I don’t feel up to passionate make-out sessions or hours of lovemaking when I’m depressed. But I can handle quick hugs, holding hands, a peck on the cheek or lips. These small acts of physical affection and touch release oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which helps combat stress and boost mood. For me and my partner, even the smallest gestures help us stay connected during tough times.
Be Honest About Your Needs
My partner knows that when I say “not tonight, dear,” it’s not about them—it’s about where I’m at mentally. I try to be open about what I can handle so they don’t take it personally. Sometimes cuddling in silence or giving each other massages is all I’m up for, and that’s okay. Compromise and understanding from both sides are key.
Make Time for Intimacy When You're Feeling Better
When my mood starts to lift and I’m feeling more like myself, I make spending quality time with my partner a priority. We might cook a meal together, go out for a date night, watch a movie cuddled up on the couch, or be intimate in other ways. Reconnecting physically and emotionally during these times helps make up for when I’m not able to, and brings us closer together.
While depression can strain a relationship, focusing on intimacy and affection when I’m able—even in small ways—helps ensure my partner feels loved and supported. And for me, it releases feel-good hormones that boost my own mood and ease symptoms. Even when I’m not the most pleasant person to be around, these moments of closeness remind me why this relationship is worth fighting for.
FAQ: How Can My Partner Best Support Me?
When I’m depressed, the support of my partner means the world to me. Here are some of the ways my partner can best support me during these difficult times:
Listen without judgment
The most helpful thing my partner can do is listen to me openly and without judgment. I need to feel heard and understood. Comments like “just snap out of it” or “you'll be fine” are not constructive and can make me feel worse.
Offer comfort
Physical affection like hugs, holding hands, and cuddling can provide me comfort. Simple gestures to show you care, like making me a cup of tea or giving me a back rub, can lift my spirits. Your warmth and tenderness means a lot.
Spend quality time together
Make time to do low-key, enjoyable activities together like watching movies, cooking a meal, going for walks outside, or engaging in light exercise like yoga. Your company and distractions help take my mind off depression, even if just for a short while.
Helping out with daily tasks
When depressed, mundane chores and responsibilities can feel overwhelming and exhausting. Offering to help out with cleaning, errands, bills, or other daily tasks takes the pressure off and allows me to focus my limited energy on self-care and recovery. Your practical support makes a big difference.
Educate yourself about depression
Learn about the signs and symptoms of depression and how it can affect emotions, thoughts, behaviors, and physical health. The more you understand what I’m experiencing, the better equipped you’ll be to provide empathy and support. You may also gain insight into the challenges of living with depression and a new appreciation for my daily struggles.
With patience, compassion, and the willingness to help in practical ways, my partner can make coping with depression a little bit easier. The support and care of a loving partner is one of the most valuable resources for overcoming depression.
Conclusion
So there you have it, a few tips to help you be a better partner even when depression has you in its grips. It's not easy, but making the effort to communicate openly, show affection, stay intimate, and engage in self-care can make a world of difference. Our partners deserve our best, but they also deserve our honesty and vulnerability. If we make the choice each day to fight for our relationships despite what our minds are telling us, depression doesn't stand a chance. You got this. Now go hug your partner, make them a cup of coffee, give them your full attention, and remind them why they're the best thing in your life. You both deserve that.
