Being a South African has put its toll on my mental health in the past few weeks. I am proudly South African, but I am hurt by all the complications of living here or, should I say, trying to survive here.

Loadshedding, inflation, and crime have made my anxiety go a 360°.

Where to start elaborating… Working shifts, homework, dealing with “mom, I’m hungry,” driving in the dark, and working out my life in the dark literally, has been beyond overwhelming.

Loadshedding mental shutdown deserves a place in record books as a South African only mental health condition.

Imagine planning around four hours of loadshedding, ending up as six hours of loadshedding. Home work and hungry kids. In this time frame, ironing is only a dream, and preparing a cooked meal is no ones reality. All this chaos after work…

Eating bread is an easy solution to combating loadshedding supper issues. However, this solution is only temporary.

The candles are a helpful sources but are not sufficient. Unfortunately, the rechargeable lights have an almost three hour lifespan per use.

The geyser, another story. All we get is cold water. And the list goes on…

Inflation has hit us really hard! No salary increase in years, yet surviving is considered an optical illusion – depending on what you’d like to see.

Bread, milk, petrol and electricity all went up in cost. Yes, the cost of electricity went up; although we spend most days in the dark

And crime, let me not get started. Some of our boundary walls have been spray painted with a black stripe. Some apparent indication as the next target for a break in.

Feeling safe is optional, as I haven’t experienced it in years. Burglar bars, alarm system in place, and waking up in the middle of the night to check if you actually locked the doors. All part of the be safe package.

I have been on a “high” the past few weeks dealing with this, that, and the other… and trying to be okay.

I’m not okay. I’m exhausted!! I need and deserve a break… We all deserve a break.

Crying myself silly without explanation is wrong…. It’s a cry for help. I watched an episode of Bluey with the kids and cried like a little baby. I have officially become one big ball of exhaustion.

My doctor says I’m fit as a fiddle. He booked me off for three days. Diagnoses compassion fatigue and potential burnout.

Once the kids left for school, I had a thirty minute bath and slept another 4 hours thereafter. I didn’t do the dishes, didn’t make the bed, and didn’t prepare a cooked meal for supper.

I of all people took a step back and don’t feel bad. My family has been eating meals prepared by the airfryer, all made with love.

How nice it feels to not worry and just be. Due to health reasons, I would decontaminate my home with bleach twice a day before and then again after work. We have an issue with dust in the area this time of the year. Even closed windows don’t prevent dust particles from entering the home.

My kids were flabbergasted when they saw the dishes in the sink on my first “sick day” at home.

A friend whom I’m forever grateful for questioned me on my self care and how my way of putting things in place for my physical health is making me sick She got me thinking…

Outside of work and compassion fatigue, I tried my best to control my home environment’s hygiene, but at what cost?

I didn’t mop for two days, and I’m still okay… I said no to someone. And I’m still doing okay.

I am enough! I can’t control my work environment as patients needs determine my workload. I can’t control loadshedding, but I have invested in more rechargeable lights and solar lights for the garden. I plan to buy a UPS, if my budget allows for it and have invested in a two plate gas stove just to lighten the load.

Buying a gas stove was a long story. It is a story for another day.

Inflation will come and go, but right now it’s a headache! The bond at the bank went up with nearly R 4000 in a space of year, which is an unexpected additional expense.

Be it as it may. I will eat two minute noodles and canned food for a long while, if I must. Our forever home has been planned for years, and I won’t sell it or have it repossessed. We worked way too hard for this opportunity.

I know of two people who had to sell due to the cost of living taking its toll

I am enough and learning, gradually that there are things I cannot change. And of cause, taking a step back and making time to smell the roses.

The suspects have been caught labeling our properties for potential break-ins. We have installed an alarm system for our own sanity.

Our neighbourhood is safe. Police visibility, a wonderful and active neighbourhood watch. However, someone is still planning the perfect crime.

Ps. I have asked for a lighter workload and stopped my management from throwing my “seniorship” aka years of experience in my face. I’m only human. No years of experience can mentally, physically, and emotionally prepare you for a day at work at my place of employment.

Five colleagues have resigned in a space of seven weeks. I’ve reached that point as well, but financially, I am dependent on my current salary.

I have opened up to putting myself on the job market. I have been applying and hoping for the best.

My family have been amazing We introduced a no dishes day on Friday and takeaway Wednesday (cooked meals only).

My health is going well, and that of my family. Moping once every three days won’t hurt anyone. And deep cleaning once a week is okay, kind of… This habit is something I still am battling with, but it will take time to gradually step back from this long life routine.

Anyway, I’ll be okay. I am doing okay

Is there anything you battling with? Hope you are doing okay. Hugs and kisses. And remember you are enough.

Let’s try to commit to being selfless, make time to forgive, become someone’s inspiration, rejuvenate with dedication, and make time for self care.

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