menPsyche

Men’s Dating “App”earances – Are you swiping “Right”?

We have all read the online dating tips.

Let’s get this out of the way at the outset – People will judge your looks straight off the bat!

No matter the witty and sophisticated Profile you have thoughtfully expressed.

Okay, we all know the (over) importance of looks. You probably will not call or date someone if you do not like the look of their photo…no judgement; it’s how things work.

But someone will probably find your photo interesting, so now what?

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People meet and marry every day of the week – and it’s not just the people with celebrity-like looks!

After you have ‘optimised’ the profile settings, how else can you put the right image of yourself forward?

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Beyond profile settings

Firstly, it will obviously depend a lot on the purpose of the profile.

Are you looking for a casual fling, semi-casual fling (i.e. you want her to make you dinner afterwards) or a full-fledged religious wedding and long traditional marriage?

At this point, it might be helpful to imagine the person you are in real life. Online profiles can have a tendency to make you funnier and ‘cooler’ than you perhaps are.

No problems there, but now try and imagine what things in life actually mean something to you. 

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Does a movie or a song sum up your philosophy? Or do you look great on paper? Use this cleverly to attract someone that can handle your life.

Again, this may not work at all for long-term relationship goals.

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Specificity may be the element that gets you noticed. How many “nice guys, like to travel, love cooking and music” are there in the world? Quite a few. 

But a specific clue may give you a great chance of having some actual quality interactions on Tinder, rather than continued material for your upcoming horror-comedy-tragedy novel.

The timing of information may also play a part. 

I don’t advise releasing all personal details upfront.

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Once you meet someone who understands you, it may be better to explain some more of the trickier parts of your life.

I don’t mean details like how you are currently on day release. 

I’m referring to things like you can seem distant, but it’s actually anxiety, and you are a warm personality, according to your friends. 

You may need some level of self-awareness to put your best foot forward.

Realistic Photos – Yes or No?

Photos are a tricky topic in online dating. 

Do you use an unrealistic but attractive photo? There are several factors to consider here.

Firstly, you want to get the attention of someone. So an attractive photo is more likely to achieve this.

But the risk with this approach is that the other person will almost certainly be disappointed if they meet you in person. 

You may be attractive, but the other person has built a picture in their mind of you based on the photo. Anything less than that will disappoint.

So then, how do you choose a photo? One solution is to select a very realistic photo but work on a few improvements with minimal enhancements.

Use a smiling photo if your teeth and smile are nice. Or a serious one if your features look better with a straight face.

Something different that sets you apart (without being too whacky) will also set the right impression. Why look like a hotshot lawyer if you hate that image?

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If you and your photo are closely related, this will probably give you a better first impression, which counts for a lot when dealing with the ‘fantasy’ of online dating.

How to Prevent Message Meltdown

Should I message now or later? Act interested or stand-offish?

How many people should I talk to at one time?

One fun (not) thing that can happen on dating apps is a loss of control over your messaging.

A relationship tip for men – if you want to meet someone for more than one night, think about your messaging approach first.

It’s hard to genuinely message several people at once and not let them know your attention lies elsewhere!

Become aware of the type of person you want to attract (or stay away from) and how your communication style can influence the success of your search.

Becoming overburdened with getting back to people is not the aim of the apps.

Be mindful of what you ask, how you say it, the frequency of contact and your general demeanour.

Further Read – Men’s Guide to communicate better in a relationship

There is no need to lose your manners just because you are not face-to-face.

This tip goes for the people you are messaging – if they can’t keep it civilised (or as you want it to be), you have permission to politely swipe and move on!

The post Men’s Dating “App”earances – Are you swiping “Right”? appeared first on menPsyche and is written by Harsh Kushwah.