When people ruin their own achievements, it is called self-sabotage.

Engaging in such unhealthy Behaviour can have a detrimental effect on almost every aspect of their lives, including their relationships and careers.

Why Do Individuals Self-Sabotage?

For a variety of reasons, people impede their own advancement. They may deliberately or unconsciously engage in self-destructive behaviour. The root causes might be traced back to early relationships or childhood difficulties. Low self-esteem, coping issues, and issues with cognitive dissonance are some additional causes of this type of destructive conduct, which will be detailed below.

Self-Sabotage: Both Conscious and Unconscious

Self-sabotaging individuals may be conscious of their behaviour. For instance, a dieter who is overweight might purposefully undermine their efforts by devouring the entire carton of ice cream.

Or they might behave inadvertently. An individual misses a deadline at work. It appears like he was late at first glance. But in actuality, he is terrified of failing. By ignoring the deadline, he undermines his efforts to advance within the organisation.

Difficult Childhood

Your self-destructive behaviour may be influenced by your dysfunctional family upbringing. You might have an ambivalent or avoidant attachment type if you lack a secure connection style. How we relate to other people is influenced by our initial interactions with caretakers.

If your parents told you as a child that you wouldn’t accomplish too much, perhaps you have set yourself up to fail.

Problems in Relationships

It’s possible that you still feel exposed if your ex frequently disparaged you. Perhaps they claimed that trying to progress with someone like you was a waste of time.
You now have a wonderful relationship, yet you cheat on your spouse. or split up without warning. You worry about getting wounded again or feeling inadequate.
15 Australian psychologists with expertise in romantic relationships identified the primary causes of the preponderance of self-sabotage in romantic relationships based on a recent study on the topic.
Insecure attachment patterns, low self-esteem, fear of commitment, fear of being wounded, unhealthy relationship views, and issues coping with matters of the heart were some of the causes.

Low confidence

Self-sabotage is more likely to occur in people who have low self-esteem and a negative self-image. They act in ways that support self-defeating behaviours. Therefore, when they are on the verge of success, they start to feel uneasy.
Their entire lives, they have heard that they will fail. Or, on occasion, they continually convinced themselves they would fail.

Cognitive Instability

People that exhibit this behaviour have trouble dealing with cognitive dissonance, which is the discomfort you might feel when trying to keep two opposing concepts in your head at once. People prefer having harmony between their beliefs and behaviour.

For instance, you might be marrying a wonderful person from a problematic home. Your mother transitioned from one abusive relationship to another after your father left. Consequently, you don’t think that a marriage can be stable and loving. However, you are still organising the wedding and sending out invitations.

Here’s a scenario from the workplace: You’re about to land a fantastic client and increase your income significantly. You hold back because you don’t feel deserving, rather than doing what is necessary to advance yourself.

As a result, you binge drink the night before the client meeting and completely miss it. Instead of making progress, you take steps to make life difficult for yourself. Chronic battles with food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, and self-injury can result from self-sabotage. Additionally, this harmful activity can demotivate individuals and induce anxiety.

Common Techniques for Self-Sabotage

Mental health professionals have recognised typical self-sabotage behaviours. Procrastination, perfectionism, and self-medication are three simple approaches.

Procrastination

Those who self-sabotage delay gratification frequently. With procrastination, you can demonstrate to people that you’re never prepared and delay a positive consequence. People are afraid of disappointing others, failing, or excelling, which is why.

Perfectionism

It will take longer and lead to setbacks if you hold yourself to an unattainable standard. Aiming for everything to go off without a hitch may seem like a good idea, but perfectionism stifles success.

Perfectionists fall apart when something does go wrong, as it will invariably occur. They experience humiliation as a result. They are prone to sadness and believe that they have let everyone down.

Self-Medication

Many people turn to drugs, alcohol, and self-injury to cope with the ongoing conflict between their desire to succeed and the voice in their heads telling them they can’t.

How to Quit Self-Destructing

Your best course of action is to seek assistance from your therapist or counsellor if you are working with one. Here are some things to think about to stop you from doing further harm if you want some advice on how to stop this bad conduct.

Examine the underlying reasons

Analyze your life for patterns. Have you a tendency to consistently undermine your own good intentions? Did these deeds take place while you were about to succeed or on the verge of fulfilling your personal goals?

As previously stated, this behaviour could have developmental origins. Some parents encourage their children not to think too large, either because they don’t know any better or because they are concerned their kids won’t be happy. Maybe they questioned your ability to believe you could attend college. You must put forth effort just like everyone else.

Stop putting things off.

Procrastination is a common trait among those who self-sabotage. It could be simpler emotionally to keep putting off what’s vital to you rather than accomplishing a goal you were told you’d never achieve.

You may feel extreme discomfort as a result of the discrepancy between where you are and what has been driven into your skull for years. So you undermine yourself.

There has been significant research on students’ procrastination in academic settings. Lack of self-regulation was one issue researchers found to be common to procrastination. This is a result of the freedom, temptations, and lengthy deadlines that students experience.

Procrastination was also influenced by social or peer pressure. And finally, procrastination was also a result of a lack of study skills.

Put aside only the overall view.

A huge goal can feel overwhelming when you aim for something significant, like becoming the best salesperson at your place of employment.

Don’t get bogged down in details if you want to avoid self-destructive behaviour. Self-saboteurs frequently spend a lot of effort on irrelevant minutiae.

Another illustration is to avoid making all-or-nothing choices when attempting to improve your health. If you miss the gym one week, don’t give up. Restart after that.

Slowly implement minor, gradual adjustments. By doing so, you might stop your self-destructive thinking from applying the breaks. Add additional manageable steps that won’t throw you off track.

Put your perfectionism aside.

People who self-sabotage frequently strive for perfection. Perhaps you obsess over the smallest of details and insist that everything be perfect.

Instead of aiming for perfection, strive for excellence. Make minor adjustments and track your progress as you move closer to achieving your objective.

It takes effort to self-destruct.
This negative habit is labour-intensive and time-consuming. Recent studies have demonstrated how resource-intensive self-handicapping is.

Incongruous findings from a study conducted by Indiana University researchers were published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

Self-sabotage is more prevalent in the morning and at night for early birds and night owls, respectively.

That indicates that they compromised their performances not because they were exhausted but because they were at the height of their cognitive abilities. Therefore, continuing this behaviour requires a lot of energy and results in maladaptive outcomes.

Questions to Ask Yourself

If you think you self-sabotage, ask yourself:

Is your behaviour aligning with your goals?

If not, what is stopping you from taking action to make your dreams come true?

Is your behaviour aligning with the values that you currently believe?

If not, what is stopping you from taking actions that align with these values?

Do you feel uneasiness or discomfort when you progress? If yes, dig deeper:

Is this discomfort based on what others told you that limited your aspirations?

Is this discomfort based on a fear of failure and worry about looking foolish?

Is this unease based on a fear of success?

Are you concerned with achieving more than you thought possible?

If you do better or achieve more, do you believe success is more than you deserve?

Treatment for Self-Sabotaging

Those who self-handicap may have a hard time regulating their emotions and behaviours. Behavioural dysregulation and emotional dysregulation are often caused by childhood trauma or neglect. This dysregulation can foster harmful reactions.

People who self-sabotage can find help for various problems, including alcohol and drug abuse, binge eating, angry outbursts, and self-harm.

The following therapies have also helped those who self-sabotage:

Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) uses techniques effective in relieving cognitive distortions. Using these techniques helps you replace negative thought patterns and improve your overall well-being.

Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) works well on problems that involve intense emotions. This could encompass impulsive behaviours, impulse control issues, and difficulties getting along with other people. You’ll learn to regulate your emotions better with this method.

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