Perfectionism and romance don’t mix. Maybe I should shout that at the top of my voice or have it written across the sky with burning flames. A romantic relationship is a place to let down your guard and feel vulnerable by neglecting your partner’s flaws as well as yours – an atmosphere not conducive to Perfectionism.

A Perfectionist is someone who is usually extremely hands-on, likes to get things done in a specific way, and sets goals that he or she fully expects to hit right on schedule. A season of unwanted singleness can be prolonged by perfectionism and this is usually extra painful for perfectionists.

So if you‘re a perfectionist and you haven‘t gotten to make that engagement announcement like all your friends on social media as early as you thought, your frustration level is probably growing with every month that ticks by.

Oddly enough, perfectionism not only enhances the pain of unwanted singleness, but it can actually prolong it too.

Why? Because perfectionism and romance just don‘t mix!

Ways Perfectionism Delay Singleness

So here are three ways meticulousness, precision, correctness, punctuality, and other things perfectionists love can delay your marriage from becoming a reality.

1: Perfectionism Causes Paralysis

Perfectionists are usually seen as go-getters. But ask any hardcore perfectionist and if they are being honest, they will tell you they struggle with passivity and paralysis when a task seems too daunting to do without any errors.

This is one of the most challenging effects of perfectionism and its way of prolonging unwanted singleness.

Perfectionism kills productivity because an extreme commitment to exactness causes anxiety that hinders the job from just getting done.

Perfectionists hate making mistakes. Once you colour outside the lines, it‘s darn near impossible to redeem that picture. The only thing left to do is tear that sheet out of the colouring book. But when it comes to relationships, mistakes are a bit more painful. Because a perfectionist knows they can‘t erase a relational blemish or just tear that page out of their book, they may choose not to even start.

The truth is, that real life is always messy, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Will you make mistakes once you actively jump into the dating game? For sure. But if you are so afraid of messing up that you never actually start, the odds of finding a spouse are basically zero.

2: Perfectionism Hinders Realism

Lists are amazing; aren’t they? Yes, Sure! They make us feel organized. They give us direction on what‘s important. And a list can help us know when tasks are getting done. So, when it comes to looking for a spouse, everyone should have some sort of list that defines what they want in a spouse.

The problem with a perfectionist is that they want to check every little, tiny, microscopic, molecular-sized requirement on that massive list. Perfectionists are usually ―pass or fail type people. You either hit all the requirements on the list or you don‘t fit the list. No room for compromise.

When a friend encourages a perfectionist to give someone a chance, the response is, ―But he/she doesn‘t match my list! No, I can‘t compromise my list!

Checking every box is great when you‘re filing your taxes and forms. But relationships don‘t work that way. Perfectionism prolongs unwanted singleness because it causes people to live in ideals rather than be real people.

Idealism is the way everything ―should be. And nothing slows relational progression more than the ―it‘s not supposed to look like this mentality.

The question is – do you want to find a spouse? Or do you want to find a spouse in a specific way, who meets all your expectations, and fits perfectly into your world? Both options are possible, but the former is a lot more likely and the latter is nearly impossible.

3: Perfectionism Brings Shame

When you are committed to never making mistakes, your shame level is going to be unbearable.

So, perfectionism brings shame, and shame slows your unwanted singleness for a variety of reasons. Shame makes you run from dating because you think you‘re not good enough.

Shame makes you compromise on your moral convictions because you think you need to compensate to make the opposite sex like you. And shame will cause you to date people with huge character flaws because you think that‘s the only type of person you can get; then you waste months or even years of dating only to finally admit you can‘t marry someone like that.

The perfectionist will often also heap shame onto other people. When someone makes a mistake, a perfectionist just can‘t let it go until they make that person feel one inch tall. Why does a perfectionist do this? Because when it comes to negative habits, we all treat other people the way we treat ourselves. If you treat yourself harshly when you make a mistake, you will treat other people just as badly.

Perfectionism And Relationships Don’t Mix

All in all, perfectionists have some great qualities that make them super successful in certain areas of life. But most of the time perfectionists struggle in relationships because of the messes that always happen, especially in romantic relationships.

So, if you are tired of being single, perhaps shorten your list and allow for a few more flaws in yourself and others. Flexibility is the keyword here; you need to be flexible about the qualities you desire from a potential partner.

Nothing crazy though. Never turn a blind eye to someone‘s unrepentant sin. Never ignore relationship warning signs and don‘t change who you are. But if you can look past some minor details, you‘ll realize there are more great dating options available than you thought.

Besides, I hate to burst your bubble, but if you want to be married, you better get used to mistakes. You and your spouse will make a ton of them.

Marriage will get smothered by an unrealistic need for flawlessness. So, you might as well get used to the mess now if you hope to have a healthy, fun, and shame-free marriage in the future.