While digging through the achieves for the last post, I came across this post:
Originally Posted May 7, 2007
Him
Him
“Welcome to the real world,” she said to me condescendingly... No Such Thing, John Mayer
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Three and a half years ago:
“If I hadn’t Married you, I would have married him,” my ex says, trying to justify her actions. We sit on the gray-tiled step in front of our fireplace. It is fall, but a bright Indian summer sun shines through the window. The space between us is thick with emotion.
‘You are an idiot,’ I’m thinking, but I don’t vocalize the words.
The “him” she is speaking of is an old boyfriend. She hasn’t seen him in 17 years, but she’s never forgotten him. On the contrary, she’s built him up in her mind over the years. When her dad died and left her a hefty inheritance, “he” was looked up on Classmates.com. 45 days after her father’s death, she is filing for divorce, engaged in a long-distance relationship with “him,” and trying to justify it to me.
The Present
Alexis, Sam, and I meet for a late supper at Fridays. Alexis is going on about the attributes of her “him.”
“I know, I’ve seen the statue,” I chide, having heard it all before. “He’s Adonis, with good parenting skills.”
He is also a high school boyfriend. Her “him” is married now, but she has been talking to him lately. The spark between them is still there.
“You don’t understand. He has always been the one,” Alexis says.
My Ex’s words come to mind. “Oh, I understand, but you got to move on.” I try to convince her.
“I am!” She smiles, and I can see it’s not entirely true. She will never stop idolizing him.
I won’t let her have her moment, and it frustrates her. She grows quiet, and her thoughts turn elsewhere.
Sam comes to Alexis’ defense. “I understand how she feels. If B returned to my life, I would consider taking him back and dumping (her current boyfriend).”
B is Sam’s “him,” and I know what she says is true.
I really don’t understand harboring these feelings. They are unrealistic. I want to say they sabotage future relationships, but it is my turn to grow silent.
I’ve never been a “him,” at least not that I know. I’ve been in love maybe three or four times, but there is no “her” in my past. You love; you get hurt; you move on. There is no looking back. There is no going back.
How do you compete with a “him” from the past? He’s not there to come home late. He’s not there to forget the milk on the way home. He’s not there to blame when their life is not what they expected. The fact that “he” is not there and you are-- seems to be forgotten.
I just found out there’s no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you got to rise above-- No Such Thing, John Mayer
* * *
TheEx and her "him" lasted about a year or so after the divorce. Alexis had a brief affair with her "him . Neither enjoyed the fantasy for very long. Not surprising.
