At the height of the pandemic, my cat caught COVID and was really sick. I knew she was doing bad when she wouldn’t take any treats, and she wasn’t grooming herself. I was surprised that in just one day of not grooming she looked like a hot mess, her fur all matted. Thankfully, after a very expensive trip to the animal hospital, she recovered and was able to be sent home and has been fine ever since.

Have you ever been down bad? Maybe you are now. But maybe unlike my cat, you are able to hold it all together and present yourself well to the world.

The inside though…

Growing up I was taught to fight through things. We did not deal with pesky things like feelings. How I felt about a situation or trauma did not matter; powering through did. I do this trick when bad things happen: I completely ignore the impact and I march on like a good little solider.

I bet you can tell where that leads.

When you are down bad, it’s important to acknowledge and name it as a bad thing. Instead of just pulling on your big girl pants, stop and say Hey, this sucks. You know what? This is bad. I don’t like this. This is not okay.

One of my least favorite quotes is What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I call BS and I am going to change it to What doesn’t kill you can harm you mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. I am going through something with a sick family member that I can assure you is not making me stronger. It’s making me suffer in all the categories I just mentioned. But unlike when I was growing up, I am not going to minimize it and power through.

I am stopping and naming it for what it is: A really messed up situation. And it’s not normal and it’s not okay.

My cat had me to pick her up and bring her for help, so I would like to do that for you, too. Consider this post a pick-me-up. Maybe you are down so bad that you can’t phantom getting up, or worse, you are slapping on your bright red lipstick, clicking those heels, and girl-bossing your way through the day.

Bestie. Let’s not do that.

There is a very toxic mindset going on the world in regards to suffering and bad things. We don’t look at them, and if we do, we glance, and then quickly turn away. We do not acknowledge or process, and we are taught that if you can suffer and still go on, then you are a bad Mahama Jama.

To me, weakness is a strength. My cat would not have done me any favors by pretending she wasn’t near death and didn’t need my help. And yet, isn’t that what you are doing with your situation? You’re fine. Everything is fine. You got this! Ummmmm, no. You do not.

AND THAT IS OKAY!

It’s okay that you can’t handle this. Welcome to the club, sister. I am not equipped, either. I need help. I need rest and God and my friends and a cookie. I don’t need to pretend that this is not a big deal. It is. It’s hard. Yes, we can do hard things. But just because you can handle it doesn’t mean you should. PERIOD. END OF STORY.

For giggles let’s just pretend that you don’t listen to me and you pull yourself up by your bootstraps and forge on. Let me give you some insight into what’s going to happen with that. One of the best books on the subject is:

Eventually, it’s going to catch up to you. You might gain weight, or lose it. You might have angry outbursts or crying at the drop of a hat. (Because you have not acknowledged and processed your bad.) You might use excessive shopping to deal (my go-to), or excessive eating, working, sleeping, gambling. (You know your vices.) It might show on your skin with breakouts, or it might lead to a total breakdown. Of you. The body keeps score.

You are down bad, my friend.

Doesn’t it feel good to say it? To admit it? It feels good to me.

My mom refused to acknowledge that she was sick. She just didn’t want to see it. Maybe in her mind if it wasn’t happening, it wasn’t happening. Sound familiar to anyone? But we can only get better and when we accept, acknowledge, and seek help. We don’t get a gold sticker for being strong, so why do we use strength as the gold standard?

Hello.

My name is Amy, and I currently down bad, and I need help.

Your turn.

Amy Tangerine

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