So…
- How do you fix a marriage without counseling?
- Can a marriage be saved by one spouse?
- How can you save a marriage when only one is trying?
These and many more will be answered in this comprehensive article…
Many of us who are married, and even those who are in a long-term Relationship, will know only too well how stagnation, boredom, and feeling buried in a rut takes a toll on their relationship.
In fact, many of us have secretly dreamed of escape from Marriage.
Some others might be standing at the divorce courts pretty soon – others are trying to recapture the past by starting an affair…
…Someone whom we hope will make us feel like we did years and years ago when we first got married.
Simply put, many of us are just no longer in love with our partners anymore.
Fortunately, we have some tips to help you if you are feeling similar to what we have described above.
We have some creative ideas that might just put the spark back.
Maybe you are reading this and thinking that your marriage could never be saved.
You want it to be saved, but you can see all the signs that it’s on the rocks.
In fact, you believe it’s too late to try and save your marriage.
But let us show you some signs that it is possible that your marriage can be saved; yours as well!.
There are some signs that signal that it does still have a chance.
It is true that some marriages end because both partners are happy to get out and leave all the unhappiness behind.
But on the other hand, often in the marriage, there is often one partner who wants to save the marriage.
That what Dr. Joe Beam, the founder of Marriage Helper, says.
Rachel Russo is another expert.
She is a New York City-based dating and relationship expert and coach, as well as a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy.
“When you come to terms with your faults—and we all have them—means there is a lot of hope.
Instead of just blaming your partner, you are able to recognize your thoughts and behaviors that are problematic and work on changing them.
You develop empathy for your partner when you realize how you hurt them.
Empathy helps you find and keep, and better the love.”
If you want a step-by-step, hands-on approach on how to save your marriage, there are very few courses out there that’ll help you do so.
But my favorite and the one many relationship experts recommend is Save My Marriage Today.
Amy Waterman has helped thousands of women save their marriage using a powerful psychological tweak. So make sure to check it out.
It might just be the best money you spent this year.
H2: How to Save a Marriage Alone – Check Out These 17 Tips
Here are 17 ways you can save your marriage alone so that you are a team again…
1) You can reignite the spark
There are lots of benefits and wonderful things about being in a long-term relationship.
Research shows that happy couples have better health and generally better wellbeing than their divorced or single peers.
In marriage, a loving partner will be there for you at all times, when you are feeling down, or when you have lost your job, for example.
They are there as support and backup and ready to offer emotional support when you need it.
It’s just unfortunate that some couples lose the spark – one which can be ignited again though.
Perhaps you have allowed other interests to take the place of each other.
The experts suggest that you find your way back in again, even if you do it alone!
2) It requires a radical shift in your mindset
There is good news if you are willing to put more effort into saving your marriage.
If you want to break the cycle of an unhappy relationship, then a dynamic shift in mindset is required.
When you take responsibility for your part in the conflict or dispute that has become your marriage, you are at a fantastic starting point.
Just you alone having the ability to do something can change the total dynamic of the relationship.
Read how someone did just that, and you can too!
3) Eliminate the three ‘As’ that that could have been responsible for your marriage falling down
What are the three A-s?
They are Anger, Addiction, and Affairs.
It’s plain and simple, really – it is not necessary that you read advice from the relationship experts to understand how these three things are absolute killers of a marriage.
They are out of bounds in a healthy marriage.
If you are indulging in any of these three, which are self-defeating and destroyers of relationships, you need to let go of this habit and fast.
If your Spouse is the one who falls in these three A-s, then in this instance, trying to save this type of marriage might not be in your best interests at all.
You might be making a big mistake, actually, trying to save it.
4) Sleep closer together
You will once again experience that same rush of brain chemicals sleeping closer to your partner, and not just sexually either.
When you sleep comfortingly next to each other, it certainly has wonderful benefits.
Actually, a 2014 survey presented at the Edinburgh International Science Festival discovered that couples who slept the closest to each other reported experiencing more relationship satisfaction.
The research didn’t cover whether sleeping apart causes dissatisfaction, however.
But for you who want to try and save your marriage, try and get closer and see how your partner will probably love it too; they will notice the difference you are making.
5) Start to limit technology and give the time of day to your partner with lovely conversations
Maybe now is the time, if you want to work on your marriage from your side, to put yourself on a technology diet.
Nothing kills communication or romance faster than people whom you are trying to talk to, who have their cellphone in hand, who are only half-listening to what you say while keeping their eyes glued on their phone most of the time.
No wonder that in a 2014 Brigham Young University survey of heterosexual women, that 70% of them felt that technology like smartphones and other devices were totally interfering with their love lives, killing them in fact.
For your own part, it is suggested that you do away with your phone and television at mealtimes with your partner as well as when you go into the bedroom.
Only use technology at specific times when it does not appear as if it is the number one love of your life.
Give your spouse your full attention so they do not feel disconnected from you because you are talking to them with your cellphone in your hand.
6) Take a break
It could be that family and work obligations have made it that your love life falls at the bottom of the queue.
But you can schedule some time off from these obligations.
A break, particularly in nature, helps you to focus on each other again.
Even just a weekend where you show a side of you that your partner might not have seen in you for a long time – can certainly refresh your bonds.
It might be a good time to discuss what you will do on the holiday or the break ahead of time, so you both know what to expect.
Hopefully, it will be with no pressure and just happy times of spending top quality time with each other laughing, and talking the way old friends do!
7) Say thank you
Often when you fall into habits in a relationship, you often take for granted the really nice things that a spouse does for you.
You forget to really let them know how thankful you are.
Gratitude is extremely important.
It fosters a sense of wellbeing and closeness with your spouse because you are noticing them and appreciating them.
8) Compliment your spouse
Sometimes you get so used to your partner, and particularly if the marriage is not going well, a lot of focus is put on the negative stuff.
This often leads to nagging, saying hurtful things, and voicing your dissatisfaction.
It is really worth your while to try and focus more on the good things that your spouse does and less on the bad.
This is a good analogy: “Water what you want to grow; don’t water the weeds.”
When you let your spouse know the things you love about them, you start to see them in a more positive light.
They, too, will want to give back more of what you complimenting them on.
It builds relationships – genuine compliments that go backward and forward between you two.
9) Add some surprise
To relieve the humdrum of marriage and particularly one that is falling apart, you can change things around by adding a bit of surprise, excitement, and thoughtfulness into the mix.
What about taking turns so that each weekend one of you has to surprise the other with some surprise activity or outing?
That will require no groaning and moaning about the stuff your spouse comes up with; only smiles and charm and laughs from you to accompany these outings.
See how it bonds you together with all the laughs and fun you have – like getting to know each other again!
10) Cultivate your own interests
When your marriage is on the rocks, it might also be because you are complaining to your partner that he or she always leaves you over the weekend while they go off and do stuff.
But now is a good time to find something that you love doing – something that you can put your passion into, something that you can chat with your spouse about and let them become interested in it with you as well.
Often when you are not satisfied with your own life, you will criticize others more, and that includes your spouse.
Having a full, happy, and busy life makes you much more interesting, admirable, and enjoyable to be around.
11) What are your spouse’s passions?
Observe your partner’s passions because it’s important that they have a passion as well, which you can enjoy with them as well.
You might never share their passion for what they love doing, but you can happily navigate their passion with them, honoring their talent and watching them being in their element.
12) Go on double dates
It is not necessary that you suddenly have to spend all your time with your spouse if you are trying to save your marriage.
The Wayne State University did a study in 2014 studying people who went on double dates.
Couples said they felt more affectionate and romantic towards their own spouse watching him or her interacting with friends.
Praising and flirting with each other.
Of course, flirting can be different depending on each couple, so it might even feel a bit awkward at the beginning.
But it can add some excitement and romance again, as long as you are comfortable and having fun.
13) Get some pillow talk
It is perhaps at this stage of your marriage that you are no longer having sex – you might even be sleeping in separate rooms.
But if you are putting some of the above into practice, adding some romance again, it might be that something led up to you having sex.
It has been said in research from 2013 from the University of Connecticut that couples who spoke positively to each other after sex reported greater relationship satisfaction than those who didn’t.
If you have managed to indulge in sex again, spend a few extra minutes afterward snuggling and chatting.
You will see how it add happiness and tightens bonds.
14) No more games
If your marriage is nearly over, you probably are already feeling distant from your partner.
If you are a woman, you might think a sexy dress or a sexier body might get his attention, and sure, it might work, but it could also backfire.
If he or she hasn’t noticed yet that you are trying to work at the marriage, it might leave you feeling silly and resentful that it didn’t go as planned.
It might be better if you were to sit down with your spouse…
…then tell them about what you feel, saying something like “I don’t feel particularly connected to you right now, and I have some thoughts about what I’d like to do differently to make us feel closer”.
That way, it’s not such a test where you will either end up being successful or failing.
Rather, you are trying for both of you to make an effort.
15) Redefining your date night
Try and reschedule some regular time where you and your spouse can be by yourselves as a couple; away from home stuff and responsibilities; where just the two of you can connect.
It doesn’t mean getting all dressed up for a grand restaurant, but it could just mean a lovely casual walk with some lovely drinks afterward for the two of you to share in each other’s company.
It all depends on what you as a couple love doing together.
The Stony Brook University in 2009 found that it is possible to be in a long-term relationship and still maintain feelings of romantic love for many years.
The secret, they say, is having your partner’s back, and knowing that your partner has yours as well.
Adults who know they are secure in their relationships tend to have higher self-esteem.
This correlates to more feelings of “intense, exclusive focus” on their partners.
Isn’t that awesome?
16) Adjust your expectations
If you are feeling dissatisfied with your marriage, you still have to remember that there is no relationship that is perfect.
Many people and couples in today’s sexualized culture believe that something is drastically missing from their relationships if they are not having the 50 Shades of Grey type of sex.
Remember that all relationships have their ups and downs; that love is expressed in many forms and different ways.
Many couples end up in therapy because of what they expect from their marriage – it’s because their expectations don’t match up with the realities of life.
Often, these very people need to change their outlook first.
17) Be kind and considerate
Most people know that the key to having a healthy and happy marriage is good communication.
But it’s not about voicing your needs and wants all the time, but actually listening to your spouse as well, in other words being a more thoughtful person.
It is not waiting to be asked, but anticipating it and doing it for your spouse without any prompts.
See what a difference that makes!
Look at these fab ways to be a kinder, more considerate spouse.
Frequently Asked Questions(FAQs)
Can you really save a marriage alone?
A marriage can be saved. As soon as the two people stop only thinking about themselves and their happiness and feelings.
It is more about being more concerned about the other partner. Then it does stand a chance.
Start to end the battle of finding the right and wrong in each other and rather bringing your own side to make it work.
See what a difference that makes!
How can you see if your marriage is over?
Before you literally are confronted by the fact of your spouse walking out on your marriage, know at least some signs that will tell you it is coming to an end.
If you want to save it, we have provided you with some positive ways that you can do it from your side.
Remember, it is not over yet. Here are signs that it could be over;
- You are living like a single person, doing single-person stuff, apart from each other
- Maybe you don’t have feelings for your spouse anymore. If you think of him with someone else, you don’t
- You have started planning a future and it doesn’t include your spouse
- You are not having sex with your spouse anymore
feel sad, weepy, or hurt
Is it possible to save the marriage on my own?
Of course, you can! And if it is worth it to keep your marriage to you, read how the 17 steps above can help you achieve that. Look at these tips as well:
- Stop complaining and talking to your spouse about your marriage problems.
- Don't yell at him and tell him he is the one doing all the wrong stuff.
- Don’t tell him if only he would change, telling him all the right things he should be doing.
- Stop blaming your spouse, and start looking at yourself – that’s the first and best start.
Conclusion
The moral of this article is: fight for your marriage – even though friends and family tell you not to.
A lot of couples want their marriages to work out.
There are many who want it to work out, but they haven’t got an inkling of how to do it.
Maybe there are kids involved with many believing that by staying together, you are doing right by the kids; it’s the right thing to do.
But society today makes it so easy just to give up and move on.
The way some of your friends talk about it as well makes you question whether it’s even worth holding on to.
Some of your divorced friends might try and make the divorced life or back to the single life sound so exciting to be free again.
You’ve heard them say, “If you don’t like being married, just get a divorce. It’s that simple.”
It is best to try and stay true to the commitment you made to each other years ago; don’t give up on it.
You yourself, if you are fighting for this marriage on your own, could still even meet with a professional counselor to help you through these hard times.
As you invest in your marriage, you will notice it becoming more valuable to you.
Start pursuing your spouse again, start being the person you were years ago.
Don’t criticize or judge your other half.
First look at yourself, working on yourself first and making the changes.
Start being the person and doing things for your spouse that you would want him or her to do for you.
Remember if you want to restore your marriage it is vital that you accept responsibility for your own mistakes rather than demanding your spouse to change.
It’s always so easy to look at the other person and see how they’ve disappointed us.
But first, try to discover the bad patterns and habits you may have fallen into.
Everybody in life wants to grow, but very few want to change to do that – it’s because change takes energy and time.
Change starts with a decision to act and think in a new and different way.
Then you might see the magic sparks fire up again – and it will be oh, so worth it!
‘Remember to fight for your marriage, not in it!
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