These Dishwasher quotes will inspire you. Dishwasher is a machine for washing dishes automatically or a person employed to wash dishes.

A collection of motivating, happy, and encouraging dishwasher quotes, dishwasher sayings, and dishwasher proverbs.

Famous Dishwasher Quotes

1. “Everything important I learned, I learned as a dishwasher.” ~ Anthony Bourdain
2. “I live in, literally, the same home when I was swiping my first bank card and wondering if I’d have to put back the Charmin. We still don’t have a dishwasher. My mom has done all these gardens so now my house looks like the garden shack in the middle of Versailles.” ~ Rachael Ray
3. “I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.” ~ Aziz Ansari
4. “I got fired when I was a dishwasher at Denny’s. That set me back a little bit. You don’t realize how important dishwashers are until you do the job.” ~ Kelsey Grammer

5. “I have to admit that I’m one of those people that thinks the dishwasher is a miracle.” ~ Clarence Thomas

6. “I don’t have a dishwasher, and I hate washing dishes.” ~ Kristanna Loken
7. “Several years ago my dear wife went to the hospital. She left a note behind for the children: “Dear children, do not let Daddy touch the microwave” – followed by a comma, “or the stove, or the dishwasher, or the dryer.” I’m embarrassed to add any more to that list.” ~ Thomas S. Monson
8. “When you turn from one room to the next, when your animal senses no longer perceive the sounds of the dishwasher, the ticking clock, the smell of a chicken roasting – the kitchen and all its seemingly discrete bits dissolve into nothingness – or into waves of probability.” ~ Robert Lanza
9. “I like when my man is worldly, know the finer things in life, is well-traveled and educated. It’s important to me that he’s able to talk to all types of people, from doctors to dishwashers.” ~ Kiana Tom

10. “Richard got married to a figure skater, and he bought her a dishwasher and a coffee percolator.” ~ Joni Mitchell

11. “Japanese chefs believe our soul goes into our knives once we start using them. You wouldn’t put your soul in a dishwasher!” ~ Masaharu Morimoto
12. “I go home and don’t get treated any differently. People have known me all my life and are interested and very supportive but because they have known me forever I don’t get any diva treatment. My mum still tells me off if I haven’t loaded the dishwasher for her.” ~ Katherine Jenkins
13. “Indeed, everything was a shock at the beginning. The wash machines, dryers, dishwashers, garbage disposal machines, juicers, toasters, and yes, the ATM machines. Watching money spilled out of a wall was simply amazing!” ~ Li Cunxin
14. “By the same token, frozen dinners, a microwave oven, a dishwasher, and an illegal immigrant hired to clean the house and take one’s cat to the vet would have seemed like the epitome of materialism in another time, but now provide the only means available for two-career couples to work hard enough at their jobs to earn the salaries they need to pay for those labor-saving amenities.” ~ Robert Wuthnow

15. “If you think ‘loading the dishwasher’ means ‘getting your wife drunk’, you might be a redneck” ~ Jeff Foxworthy

16. “Besides, the sense of safety offered by bottled water is a mirage. It turns out that breathing, not drinking, constitutes our main route of exposure to volatile pollutants in tap water, such as solvents, pesticides, and byproducts of water chlorination. As soon as the toilet is flushed or the faucet turned on-or the bathtub, the shower, the humidifier, the washing machine-these contaminants leave the water and enter the air. A recent study shows that the most efficient way of exposing yourself to chemical contaminants in tap water is to turn on a dishwasher.” ~ Sandra Steingraber
17. “You’re only as much as you settle for. If they settle for being somebody’s dishwasher that’s their own f***ing problem. If you don’t settle for that and you keep fighting it, you know, you’ll end up anything you want to be.” ~ Janis Joplin
18. “You wouldn’t put your soul in a dishwasher!” ~ Masaharu Morimoto
19. “I have met a lot of the people who were stiffed by you and your businesses, Donald [Trump]. I’ve met dishwashers, painters, architects, glass installers, marble installers, drapery installers, like my dad was, who you refused to pay when they finished the work that you asked them to do.” ~ Hillary Clinton

20. “[Vincent Price] taught me how to cook fish in my dishwasher.” ~ Cassandra Peterson

21. “I worked at car washes – two or three different car washes. I worked at McDonald’s and Wendy’s, I worked as a dishwasher and as a telemarketer in two or three different places. I sold windows door-to-door and never once sold a window.” ~ Joseph Bruce
22. “Once you get yourself on that path where you’re willing to find something delightful in laundry and in dishwashers, it means that you train yourself to be able to find it almost anywhere in almost anything.” ~ Ian Bogost
23. “I wrote a mad, passionate letter to the best restaurant in the UK, Le Gavroche in London, and asked if I could work for them. They gave me a job as a dishwasher (Colin laughs). For me that was a joy because I had a foot in the door of this world class restaurant. Just being around the buzz and the pots and pans and the wonderful food and all this produce that was coming in, that was the start of Paul Rankin the chef.” ~ Paul Rankin
24. “[Vincent Price] had a fish recipe where he wrapped [the fish] in aluminum foil and put in these herbs. And then you put it in the dishwasher and then you wash your dishes, and when you’re done, your fish is steamed and it’s perfect. But he was very sophisticated as far as art and food and all of that went.” ~ Cassandra Peterson

25. “My family keeps me pretty grounded. Like if I try anything diva, they’re like, ‘Oh shut up. Go and do the dishwasher.'” ~ Rebel Wilson

26. “If instead of looking at income, you look at levels of consumption, if anything that’s become more equal. The fraction of families that have a dishwasher, that have a sewing machine, that have a television set. In respect to consumption, it’s very hard to avoid the view that people have been getting more equal rather than more unequal.” ~ Milton Friedman
27. “I got a job as a dishwasher in Oakland, and I would draw all day. It was nice because the lady who ran the boardinghouse where I worked let me live there for nothing if I gave her some drawings every week – mostly park drawings of birds and such.” ~ Claes Oldenburg
28. “A salesman called on my wife the other day and tried to sell her a freezer. You’ll save a fortune on your food bills, he promised. I can’t tell you how much you’ll save. It’ll be tremendous. Said my wife: I’m sure you’re right, but we’re already saving a fortune with our new car by not taking the bus. We’re saving a fortune with our new washing machine by not sending out the laundry. We’re saving a fortune with our new dishwasher by giving up the maid. The plain truth is that right now we just can’t afford to save any more!” ~ Joey Bishop
29. “When I get home I’ll still have to unload the dishwasher and clean my room. Last night my mom got so fed up of my messy floor in my room she picked it all up off the floor and put it on my bed so I would have to clean it up before I went to bed!” ~ Stacie Orrico

30. “Multi-Choice question: My dishwasher is: efficient; hilarious.” ~ Demetri Martin

31. “What makes our marriage holy, what makes it “set apart” and sacramental, isn’t the marriage certificate filed away in the basement or the degree to which we follow a list of rules and roles, it’s the way God shows up in those everyday moments – loading the dishwasher, sharing a joke, hosting a meal, enduring an illness, working through a disagreement – and gives us the chance to notice, to pay attention to the divine. It’s the way the God of resurrection makes all things new.” ~ Rachel Held Evans
32. “I surround myself with loyalists and people that I would die for. I just would rather die than make bad stuff for people because I’m a terrible dishwasher and a terrible lover and a terrible pet owner.” ~ Dan Harmon
33. “If you want a reliable tip, drive into a town, go to the nearest appliance store and seek out the dishwasher repair man. He spends a lot of time in restaurant kitchens and usually has strong opinions about them.” ~ Bryan Q. Miller
34. “If you come over to my house, I’ve had a lot of people be like ‘Hey…did you mean to put these in the dishwasher?’ And I’m like, no they’re actually supposed to be in the freezer because I use them to get rid of under-eye bags when I wake up early in the morning.” ~ Shay Mitchell

35. “We all use dishwashers every day and yet none of us would say that we’re experts on dishwashers, but somehow we all think we’re experts on movies.” ~ Brian Lindstrom

36. “I am faced with a bruising dilemma: pay to fix the dishwasher or continue serving everything in waffle cones.” ~ Dana Gould
37. “I was dishwasher, then promoted to chef in a local kitchen in a restaurant in Seattle, and I was working on a building site as well, putting in insulation and painting houses, and then doing some classes at a community college nearby.” ~ Alexis Denisof
38. “Before I made it big I worked as a dishwasher, washing dishes in this place called Dishwasher House where people could just come in and do whatever they wanted to the dishes and we had to clean them with our hands till they bled. A lot of struggling actors worked there-Downey Jr., Joaquin Phoenix, Damon Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Keenen Ivory Wayans-and we actually all kind of wish we still did.” ~ William H. Macy
39. “Cooking can be rewarding when it is a choice and no longer the onerous duty of the housewife, and when a dishwasher can lighten the load at the other end of the process.” ~ Julian Baggini

40. “When a husband says, “I run things in my home” he may mean the washing machine, the dishwasher and the vacuum cleaner.” ~ Sam Ewing

41. “The Electric Monk was a labour-saving device, like a dishwasher or a video recorder… Electric Monks believed things for you, thus saving you what was becoming an increasingly onerous task, that of believing all the things the world expected you to believe.” ~ Douglas Adams
42. “I discovered the miracle that all things that sound are music, including the dishes and silverware in the dishwasher, as long as they fulfill the illusion of showing us where life is heading.” ~ Gabriel Garcia Marquez
43. “My coolest job was when I was 12 and I was a dishwasher at the Three Pigs Bar-B-Que for $2.50 an hour. All the fleabags and stoners worked there, so that’s where I wanted to be.” ~ Jared Leto
44. “The mass of the rich and the poor are differentiated by their incomes and nothing else,and the average millionaire is only the average dishwasher dressed in a new suit.” ~ George Orwell

45. “A good apprentice cook must be as polite with the dishwasher as with the chef.” ~ Fernand Point

46. “One’s home is like a delicious piece of pie you order in a restaurant on a country road one cozy evening – the best piece of pie you have ever eaten in your life – and can never find again. After you leave home, you may find yourself feeling homesick, even if you have a new home that has nicer wallpaper and a more efficient dishwasher than the home in which you grew up.” ~ Daniel Handler
47. “Water doesn’t hurt a vinyl record. Put it into a dishwasher and you’re fine.” ~ Billy Gibbons
48. “You ride one in to the beach, and it’s the most amazing thing you’ve ever felt. But at some point the water goes back out; it has to. And maybe you’re lucky-maybe you’re both too busy to do anything drastic. Maybe you’re good as friends, so you stay. And then something happens-maybe it’s something as big as a baby, or as small as him unloading the dishwasher-and the wave comes back in again. And it does that, over and over. I just think sometimes people forget to wait.” ~ Erica Bauermeister
49. “My husband is old-fashioned and kind, he does the greatest Sinatra impression, and I’d never have written anything if he hadn’t read all those bedtime stories and unloaded the dishwasher while I slaved over chapters.” ~ Allison Pearson

50. “Babies aren’t dishwasher-safe.” ~ Daniel Tosh

51. “But most men regard their life as a poem that women threaten. They may not have two spondees to rub together but they still want to pen their saga untrammelled by life-threatening activities like trailing round Sainsbury’s, emptying the dishwasher or going to the nativity play.” ~ Alan Bennett
52. “Does anyone really imagine for a moment that my wife gives two stuffs about global warming? She certainly did not appear to be all that bothered on Thursday evening when, during the great carbon-saving switch-off, I ran round the house furiously turning on every light, hair dryer, dishwasher and toaster.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
53. “I don’t function well in chaos, whether it be my sheets or the dishwasher.” ~ Gabrielle Union
54. “The reason I know what we are to each other is because we fight freely and almost constantly, about even the smallest thing. In fact, once we didn’t speak for an entire week because he didn’t like the way I loaded his dishwasher…I can’t decide if we’re exact opposites, or somehow exactly the same except for minor cosmetic differences. I do know that all of his friends hate me and all of my friends hate him. We drive each other crazy in ways that nobody else can even touch. We never bore each other. And we both realize what a rare thing this is.” ~ Augusten Burroughs

55. “As for money – when I have it, it’s great. When I don’t, I go get some. I’ve been a dishwasher, a gardener, a cleaner.” ~ Gil Scott-Heron

56. “I have never really cooked, don’t know how to use my dishwasher, and subsist mainly on prepared deli takeout. I don’t even eat in restaurants much.” ~ Jerry Saltz
57. “YOU are using a frisbee as a plate.” “Uh, what? I’m not using a–oh hang on, this is a frisbee. Weird.” Victor glared at me. “Dude, calm down, I’ll wash it afterward. It’s probably dishwasher safe.” ~ Jenny Lawson
58. “Music [is] the third rail of life. You grabbed it to shock yourself out of the dull drag of hours. To feel something. To burn with all the emotions you didn’t get to experience in the ordinary run of school, TV, and loading the dishwasher after dinner.” ~ Joe Hill
59. “How unhappy are you that your dishwasher has replaced washing dishes by hand, your washing machine has displaced washing clothes by hand or your vacuum cleaner has replaced hand cleaning? My guess is this ‘job displacement’ has been very welcome, as will the ‘job displacement’ that will occur over the next 10 years. This is a good thing. Everyone wants more jobs and less work.” ~ Hal Varian

60. “I’m not a dishwasher anymore. But I’m still from Sangamon Street.” ~ Blake Edwards

61. “You emptied the top rack of the dishwasher but not the bottom, so the clean dishes have gotten all mixed up with the dirty ones – and now you want to have sex?” ~ Lorrie Moore
62. “The society is a dishwasher, where all the water, is, dead chipmunk blood. God, I’m brilliant.” ~ Thom Yorke

63. “George is the best little dishwasher in Texas.” ~ Barbara Bush

64. “I could see the road ahead of me. I was poor and I was going to stay poor. But I didn’t particularly want money. I didn’t know what I wanted. Yes, I did. I wanted someplace to hide out, someplace where one didn’t have to do anything. The thought of being something didn’t only appall me, it sickened me . . . To do things, to be part of family picnics, Christmas, the 4th of July, Labor Day, Mother’s Day . . . was a man born just to endure those things and then die? I would rather be a dishwasher, return alone to a tiny room and drink myself to sleep.” ~ Charles Bukowski
65. “The real liberators of American women were not the feminist noise-makers, they were the automobile, the supermarket, the shopping center, the dishwasher, the washer-dryer, the freezer.” ~ Pat Buchanan

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