I recently saw an interesting documentary created by a Swedish actress and comedian Nour El Refai. Nour wanted to understand why around 1 million people in Sweden (a country with a population of 10 million) use anti-depressants. She’s herself has been suffering from Depression from an early age.

She’s heard that it’s important to keep yourself busy and active even though you may feel Depressed. So, despite feeling like absolutely shit, she wakes up in the morning, forces herself to have breakfast, goes to work, exercises, and goes about everyday routine. But nothing helps her feel better. This advice to keep oneself busy is not just for Nour, but something most people suffering from depression are given.

Too Much Misguided Advice…

Then there’s also advice given by different professionals, as seen in the documentary. The psychiatrist suggests that anti-depressants are shown to reduce depressive symptoms in many patients. However, he also recommended exercise and psychotherapy. The yoga teacher suggested she can find peace from doing yoga and meditation, instead of searching for answers externally. A psychologist recommends that it’s important to find an activity that you really enjoy and feel better after you do it.

Nour asks, “How do you know how to help me with depression when you have never experienced it yourself?”.

The psychologist responds saying, “In therapy you get a chance to describe your symptoms and what you are going through. You then have to trust the therapists knowledge of how to get out of a depression”.

Although some of the advice mentions therapy as a possible way of feeling better about yourself and life, I felt that too much focus was put on how to distract yourself by doing different things or activities. “Eat some pills, Do some exercise, Spend time with friends, Do meditation, etc.”, all of these options are indeed good to do when you are depressed but it is definitely not the answer to solving the underlying reasons of the depression. Worth mentioning that during depression the hardest thing is just that, to get yourself to do things. Let alone seek help or call someone. I know how difficult it was for me when I was depressed.

The documentary ends with some positives which was the need to talk about mental illness more. Be able to speak up when we are not well, even though that can be branded as something shameful in some societies or by some people. There is of course nothing shameful about feeling depressed or having any other type of mental illness.

Take Care Of Your Feelings…

I think that the emphasis must lay on how you take care of your feelings. What I teach my clients is the opposite of distraction. I want to know how you feel. I may ask you to describe where in the body those feelings come up, be it anger, anxiety, sadness or even happiness. What you do when you feel bad is more important than you know. I’ve been diagnosed with depression, PTSD, been suicidal and have suffered with severe anxiety and panic attacks through the years. Once I started my healing process through therapy, I no longer feel depressed, my PTSD nightmares decreased drastically (still ongoing therapy for this), I have not been depressed, suicidal, anxious or had panic attacks for years since I healed my psychological wounds and today I feel stronger and more peaceful within than I ever have before. 

This is why I began coaching, because I’ve been through so much and worked through it and found a way to living a peaceful life in harmony with myself, my emotions and my thoughts. The benefit you get from coaching with me is that since I’ve been at the depths of despair I know how it feels to suffer and I also know what healing looks like, feels like and how much it can change how you feel once you start the journey of healing. I can help you with that. If you’d be willing to try coaching with me, get in touch here and we can book our first session. Whether you try coaching with me or not, I suggest you seek help in case you feel depressed or are having difficulty dealing with certain experiences, events or relationships in your life. Therapy is a very valuable source to gain insight and perspectives to your life, finding hope again and most important of all, healing yourself from the inside.

Getting The Right Help Can Lead To Peace Within 

When you are depressed, your society, media, family, friends can many times tell you to “get out of it” or “do something that makes you happy” or “exercise more” or something unbelievable like a psychologist in Italy said to the documentary maker (mentioned earlier). When Nour said she didn’t know why she’s depressed, he answered “Your problem is that you are an Arab in Sweden”. So he meant that she comes from such a different culture than the Swedish one, that could be the reason for her depression. This is not good advice, this is merely a assumption if not only an answer to something he has no answer to.

When you are sad or depressed there is usually a reason for that. Even times when you don’t know or understand the reason for your depression, taking care of your feelings and exploring whats going on inside of you is key for the healing process to begin. It could even be that during therapy you realize that some things that happened in your life was actually abusive, traumatizing or just plain wrong. I know that’s been true for me, where I used to constantly blame myself for everything that happened to me. I found out in therapy it wasn’t me on whom the blame lay – I had been through trauma because of psychological abuse. This is why we have professionals. They are there to guide you, help you help yourself, care for you, show you a way when you think there is none. And with the right help, you can heal, feel free and peaceful inside.

And just like any profession, from being a waitress, engineer or psychologist there will always be some who are way better at doing their job than others. We’ve all met the waitress that smiles and talks to you with such genuine warmth and care that you just feel so happy inside. Then you have the one who has managed to pass all the exams and do the work required to earn the title “Psychologist” but when you sit in their office you notice they look at the time more often than they see, listen and care about what you have to say and what you are suffering through. They are not really there and you know it and you feel it and you feel so disappointed, sad and distrust for them.

This is why you must remember, only because a person holds a title for a profession doesn’t necessarily mean they know how to help you in the right way. I’ve personally been to many therapists, psychologists and even psychiatrists who did not understand me at all, could not determine my symptoms and diagnosis. One even gave me some very upsetting advice. I did not trust any of them, so I moved on until I found someone who I did trust. In fact since I’ve never given up hope of finding the right person, I found two therapists who did help me with my traumatic memories and experiences.

If you’d want to try me out as your coach, you can book a session with me by clicking on this link and sending me a message. You can try out a first session and see how you feel. 

Finally, reflecting on my own experience and everything that I’ve learnt so far, I want you to know that there is always someone who can help you with whatever you are suffering from. No matter how grave, traumatic, or dark the things you’ve seen or been through in life. Like my therapist who is a trauma specialist says, after working for over 30 years with patients who have been through severely traumatic experiences,

“It’s never hopeless…”

I hope this article was helpful to you. If you liked it, please give it a thumbs up and share it with your friends and do leave a comment!

With Love,

Selma

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