Sometimes, things don’t work out the way we hope.

Sometimes you can feel like you have come to an end, and you don’t know what to do next.

But, if you keep going, keep going just a bit longer, you find something new to fight for. You find something new to live for.

This post, stems from a time when I couldn’t feel anything at all. I was numb to everything. The love had led me to an end. I was reeling from a loss. All of this, is what I have had to do, it is what helped me get through. This may sound as an extension to the last part of my previous post, Heal.

We all fall down, the pain goes on. But, either through sheer will or maybe just out of stubbornness, we keep going.

Losing motivation, or thinking about giving up, is pretty normal, actually. But, giving up, was never an option. There have been times when things seem hopeless, horizons dark, and the immediate future looks bleak at best. What do you do?

We’re inspired by hope and positive outcomes at the beginning. But, as we continue, we start to focus on responsibilities and the fear of negative outcomes. And it’s often this fear that halts our progress.

It becomes a demoralizing downward spiral, descending into sadness. You leave a trail of unfinished or poorly handled tasks in your wake. And every morning you lie in bed, hitting snooze on your alarm, filled with the doom-laden sense that you’ll never succeed. Too real?

We indulge in self loathing. We put ourselves down. We doubt our abilities. We doubt our worth. All of this doesn’t really help our endeavour to keep going. A fucking vicious circle.

But sometimes, despite all that shit being piled on top of us, a flower can still sprout. Maybe I can help sprout that flower for you, or perhaps, if you already have that going for you, maybe I can help you keep the flower alive.

After all, Shit, it is a wonderful fertilizer.

Baby steps – Break it down

Many Small Time, Make Big Time.

Kevin Malone – The Office, S08E02

Everybody is worried about the big picture. Everyone wants to tackle the gargantuan task head on.

But we conveniently forget, every jigsaw puzzle, is made up of seemingly insignificant little pieces, but even if one of those pieces is missing, it messes up the whole big picture. The massive LEGO Star Wars Millennium Falcon, has over 75000 pieces, and each one of those pieces has an important purpose to serve.

It is common for us to stumble in life because we simply take on too much at once. And for what? To prove to others that we can do it? Whether it be too much ambition, unrealistic expectations of themselves or others, or some extra curveballs, big steps can sometimes be too much to take.

These big steps – which are mostly life-changing decisions – can be often broken down into smaller, more manageable steps.

As I stated last time, do one thing today, that makes tomorrow better than yesterday. Working towards completing the smaller things, can help get to the intended big picture, consistently.

Goals – Get That Dopamine Hit, Y’all!

Speaking of completing smaller things, having things that you can accomplish consistently, having things that you can get done quickly, is like bubble wrap. Popping those little things, makes us happy.

Goals. Milestones. When everything around you is uncertain, messy, having some stupid list of tasks that you can work towards, can help you rebuild that confidence you lost, can help you get that sliver of hope.

Do you want to know what my stupid goal was for many months? Get a cup of coffee. That’s it. Simple, Miniscule.

This little goal, helped me get off my ass, and get moving, after weeks of feeling numb.

I used to go for a run, and grab a coffee on my way back. I didn’t realize at the time, but I was actually doing 3 things at once, when I did this.

A. Setting a goal (duh!) and working towards accomplishing that goal, on a regular basis.

B. Being on the move. Exercising is a great way to get that blood flowing, heart pumping, release some of the frustration – frustration you feel about your own actions, or frustrations you feel due to the situation you’ve been put in. Perhaps Get that Endorphin Hit, Y’all?

C. Rewarding myself for an accomplished goal. Pretty self-explanatory, eh? You did a good job, you get a gold star. Reward mechanism is practically primordial. I love coffee, I did a good job today, I award myself a Cuppa Joe.

Many Small Goal, Make Big Goal?

Damn, I spoiled the next points of the post. I’ll keep those short.

Move – On Your Left!

Any and all forms of exercise, help you feel good. When you work out, it keeps the whispering demons at bay. The whispers, telling you to give up, won’t really affect you.

I know, I know, a lot of people do preach working out after a break-up or a loss, but hardly anyone explains why. I don’t want to follow those footsteps. I’ll try to explain, I’ll try to break it down.

I knew badminton, swimming, running was helping me. I didn’t realize why. Props to my therapist to help me understand. Thanks

When you do something physical, especially something that involves wrist movements, it helps you release the pent-up anger, frustration, emotion inside of you. When you do something physical, You exert yourself. You hurt yourself – in a good way.

You spend all of your energy in the activity, rather than spending it wallowing in self-pity or loathing yourself. If it is a high intensity workout, where you can push yourself to the limit, like running, or swimming, or perhaps anything that raises your heart rate and takes your breath away, you release all of that frustration you hold inside, but refuse to admit to the world.

It kind of flushes the mind of all those unwanted dark thoughts, and gives you some much-needed clarity. It’s like clearing out your sinuses or blowing your nose in order to breathe normally again – at least for a while.

Is it wrong that I am weirdly proud of that metaphor? Good Job, Me.

One thing to keep in mind though, choose an activity you like, or have enjoyed in the past, that suits your fitness levels and abilities. Otherwise, when the going gets hard, you would end giving up again, and that kind of defeats the entire purpose, doesn’t it?

Reward Yourself – Rejoice The Spoils Of War

You’re going through hell. You’re fighting a war against an oppressor. You’re winning. You deserve some goodwill, some comfort, something to sustain you.

Rewards, Prizes, are a great motivator. Even when you pretend to be nonchalant or portray a devil may care attitude, the little kid inside of you, will always be elated when you get something for your efforts. Some recognition, Some sign of respect. Why not do that for yourself?

You know how hard it was for you to keep going, when something shot you down. So respect those efforts, and buy yourself something pretty, something nice. Don’t get cocky, though.

Forgive Yourself! – Don’t beat yourself up

Calling back to a point I’ve stated in my previous post – and I’m pretty new to this myself – but cut yourself some slack. Give yourself a break. Each and every one of us, we have these external and internal struggles, and the harder you are on yourself for having them, the more difficult and traumatic the episodes will be when you inevitably slip up.

You can solve almost anything, by putting your mind to it. But when the going gets really tough, your mind is overwhelmed. It is usually just pure heart, emotion, and grit that are going to carry you through. Your mind can be an asshole sometimes, and it is worth being aware of this.

We are far harder on ourselves than we are on other people, and to keep going in tough times, perhaps we need to be just as empathetic with ourselves as we would be with the ones close to you.

It’s okay, you’re only human after all, don’t put the blame on yourself.

There are only a handful of things you can control. Trying to control everything around you, is like trying to capture a tornado in a soda bottle. And in almost all the scenarios, when you feel lost, when you feel defeated, it is due to the factors outside your control.

Open up – Don’t Be A Armadillo

Again, I’m pretty new to this myself, but I’m hoping the people who I have opened up to after the dark ages, can correct me if I’m wrong – if they read this of course.

Instead of feeling like you’re facing your problems alone, you can draw strength and build resilience from having others to lean on.

You may fear being a burden to friends and loved ones, or feel too exhausted to reach out. It sucks. I know. But you have to operate on blind faith for a while, till you finally make that leap, the leap to trust the person you are opening up to, the leap of faith to accept the fact that the person, is here to help.

I was in luck, I could open up to and trust a couple of people when I felt I was down and out. And Because of those few, I could come back into the fold, become human again.

I was afraid, I would isolate myself, go back into my shell. But I had spent so much time, coming out of that place, I didn’t really want to go back. I had to be better than what I was.

One real conversation. One hug. One Cry. One moment of courage, can make all the difference.

If someone is trying to get out of their shell, if you need a friend, there’s a seat alongside me.

Break me out
Come and find me in the dark now
Every day by myself I’m breaking down
I don’t wanna fight alone anymore

Break me out
From the prison of my own pride
My God, I need a hope I can’t deny
In the end I’m realizing
I was never meant to fight on my own

On My Own, Ashes Remain

Just the chorus lines from one of my favourite songs.

Songs gave me a lot of necessary support and inspiration, and I will never shut up about it. I have given a lot of song references in this post. How many can you name?

We may never know quite how much we could achieve if we tried, if we persevered just a bit longer. So we owe it to ourselves to give it a red-hot crack. If we are correct, we learn something new. If we fail, we learn something else.

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.

I have tried so hard to keep going. There still are a few days wherein nothing goes my way, wherein I feel like screaming. I used to see these days as a failure of my efforts.

It took me a long to accept, one bad day doesn’t undo the progress you’ve made. Today sucked? Do something today, that will make sure tomorrow is better.

I live by whatever I have preached above, and at the end of it all, I stand here, no longer defeated. Lived and Learned from every fable, written by my mind.