What to expect when you’re expecting?

No, this post is not going to be about the traditional context of the above quote. If it was, then it wouldn’t be on this blog now, would it?

No, this post is about managing your Expectations when you are interacting with someone, managing your expectations when you have done something for the other person and hoping (expecting) that they retaliate in a similar, of course, good way.

I’ve been away for a long time now, and I apologize for doing so. I was caught up, trapped in my mundane routine which sucked out all the creative energy I had. It was time that I changed this.

I guess I had to go to that place, to get to this one. Now some of you might still be in that place. If you’re trying to get out, Just go through my creativity post, it’ll get you there.

Thanks, Eminem

Now, the preamble. This post has its deep-seated origins in multiple social situations around me.

So. For a second, think about your life, and in retrospect do enlighten me, Do you always get what you want? Does your every single wish get granted? If the answer is yes, then one of the below two things holds true in your regard.
1 – You’re in possession of Aladdin’s lamp without the restrictions on the number of wishes.
2 – Or you’re one of the few people in this world who are lucky enough that they get to live their lives having everything they ever desired.

Irrespective of the truth value of the above two points, all of us, we carry a certain idea of what we should get from our careers, from our lives. Everyone has an idea in their mind of what they supposedly “deserve”. But what they don’t take into consideration is that in the real world, there are other people, and the opportunities are far less than the number of people. And just like a few parents who give everything they ever wanted and grant wish every wish they ever had, they expect the same to carry forward in the real world. And this mindset, while being a quite powerful tool, is often something that breaks a person. Because when your requests start getting shut down, your world view starts to crack, and the bubble breaks.

When we enter the real world, and by the real world I don’t mean just the Corporate world, by real-world I mean the world of relationships, heartbreaks, and goodbyes, by the real-world I mean the world of two-faced people where we are often get burdened by decisions, burdened by opportunities.

By the real world, I simply mean the world of hard decisions. And in this world not all decisions are going to be jackpots. There will be a few decisions, either taken by you or the decisions being taken for you, which will won’t be in your best interest. And this is what starts tearing apart at the expectation which we have from our career and lives.

Although shattered expectations don’t seem THAT dire at first, but then again when it happens over and over again, your mind starts to drift to that place. You start thinking negative thoughts – depression, frustration. Shattered expectations reduce your motivation to continue with the same thing, to fulfill that expectation. And that ALWAYS affects the work that you do. It affects how hard you try to achieve the set objective, it affects the way you perceive and interpret the actions of those around you.

Even in personal relationships, not just serious (romantic) relationships, even in normal friendships and even in casual relationships, if the other person does not reciprocate the same feelings, it changes how you perceive the relationship. Either you turn hostile towards the other person or it reduces the effort you put into the relationship.

For most people, their perception is reality and the truth often doesn’t matter. The same is the case with expectations and assumptions. Assumptions and expectations often go hand in hand. For deep dive into this point, you can check out this link: Our Dearly Beloved Broken Society

Normally at this point in the post, I am delving into the problem and listing and explaining the ways to tackle them, explaining how each one would work and the benefits. But not this time. This time I have only one thing to say.

No expectations, No disappointments.

No that is not what I want to say. Not this statement exactly. I made a few adjustments to the above cliched saying.

However, though unrealistic expectations can often seem like the core problem, the real problem is the lack of communication, the absence of clarity and insufficient self-awareness. Not knowing where the other person stands and not knowing what the other person wants is the real problem.

Here’s a little fact no one except handful people around me know, I do things to help others without expecting the same in return. Those who know this about me, and are reading this, hope we are in agreement about this.

I do help people. I like hearing about people’s problems and helping them in any way necessary and possible. For some, that way can be by being a good listener and letting them express their emotions and true feelings about the situation. It can be being a vent for someone to release their suppressed emotions. Or it can be actively finding out solutions in a brainstorming sort of session. Or it can be just being there for them, through their tough time, talking to them, making them realize the solution on their own over time, and of course, pulling them back when they drift off course.

Lots of people like to help people like I do. Lot of these people are quite emotional. One would think, I would be the same, Emotional. But no, I am just logical. I am more interested in logic and reasoning behind people feeling what they feel, rather than their emotions and feelings. I am interested in the “why’s” behind the actions.

The emotions in situations are pretty common, but the logic and reasoning behind every situation is unique for every person. People try to help people based on the evidence they see. I want to understand the story behind it all. One line from the now retired TV show Castle resonates quite strongly with me,and I am paraphrasing here,

When everyone sees the evidence, I see the story.

This way of thinking is transferred to all situations.
Everything happens for a reason. And Everything happens because of a reason. And once you find what that reason is, you can act accordingly.

Once you try and get to the know the reasoning behind everything, you get to a point where you can understand the opposition’s stand point. You can even understand the logic an reasoning behind every decision that is made for you, every expectation that was fulfilled and every expectation that was shattered.

Know expectations, No disappointments.