Recently, while browsing through my emails, I came across a notification from “Quora“. Someone had posted a question on the grounds of being Paranoid in real life. Personally, I didn’t think the answers that followed did justice to the question. This really got me thinking about a post I had written a while back, a post about Low Self Esteem. I could not help but wonder, had I written something on similar lines, and by chance that poor soul had come across my article, maybe it would have helped them. It would have given them some hope in the sense that they are not alone, that there still are people in this world who understand.
Paranoia is what keeps us on our feet. It helps us keep our head on a swivel, remain alert, jumpy. At times when these things might be good, more often than not, the same things do more harm than good.
Being paranoid about oneself is the worst kind of self-evaluation there is.
Do you ever feel uncontrollably anxious to know what someone talks about you behind your back? How many times have you given into these rumors and tried to fix things about yourself, in order to get accepted by the gossipers, and in doing so lost what made you, YOU?
I am not a psychologist but its a possibility that you may have low self-esteem. This does not mean that you are a weak person. It means that somewhere in your journey, somewhere along the way, something drastic happened which made you decide that you were not enough. Not good enough, strong enough, smart enough, pretty enough, etc, etc. These are the limitation we put on ourselves. These are the things that we fear, and we shun any person or their Opinion that reminds us of them because we don’t like things that remind me of our shortcomings.
You forced yourself to deeply doubt yourself, be it your worth or your abilities and so you deferred to others. You began to assume that if someone or many someone(s) are saying that about me, then this is the truth. This is why you feel so sensitive to confrontation, criticism or other people’s gossip or beliefs about you. Because you believe that they are true irrespective of what is the Actual Truth. You lose your own identity.
Probably at some point, you were bullied at school, or by a sibling or even had a very Critical or over-bearing parent. An abusive Relationship can break your sense of self-worth. During the course of the relationship, you twist yourself into knots to keep the relationship alive or just because giving up something about yourself or undertaking something that you hate makes the other person happy.
This happens in everlasting relationships as well, but the difference is 2 fold. 1. The person will reciprocate, he will show the same level of dedication as you did. And 2. He will do something or doing that particular thing would be wonderful enough so much that your knots turn into feathers in your cap.
If you reflect back on your history it shouldn’t be too hard to see where you started to develop these traits. But then again, most of us are afraid to stare at our soul. We know what skeletons have been buried deep down that should never see the light of day.
This is how I am able to let criticism slide off of me. I look at the person who is critical. Who are they? Nobody. What importance do they play in my life? None. What is their significance in my life? None. So WHY should I allow a person with zero significance in my life affect me? Why should I even care what others think of me? Do they really have the slightest clue about who I am and what I’ve been through? NO. If they don’t know me, how do they have to get the right to have an opinion that AFFECTS me? Agreed, Everyone has their right to their opinion, but the significance of their opinion starts at NULL and slowly climbs if they manage to insinuate themselves in a worthy position in my life, at a place where I will value their opinion.
If you can’t handle this on your own, I would strongly recommend counseling. A good counselor can really help you sort this out. A good counselor can be a trained professional or he/she can be the person closest to you, who can serve as your emotional rock, who can handle whatever you throw at them, a person who you can be sure of, that whatever bullshit you say about them, how much ever you lash out, nothing will stick because that’s the only person who really knows what you’re going through.
No-one deserves to feel that they are less than their worth. There is no shame at all in seeking help. Please don’t be critical of yourself. Treat yourself as kindly as you would treat the love of your life, won over after going through hell.
I wish you all the best.
And Always Remember:
