When your rage is in control things can get ugly

Let’s face it; anger problems are common in our society.

From the mesmerizing meltdown by Serena Williams during her US Open finals loss to Naomi Osaka, to the outraged tweets spewing forth from President Trump — our society seems to be angrier every day.

It’s important to deal with hostility in a healthy way. Nowhere more so than when you are behind the wheel of a car.

When rage gets behind the wheel

A couple of days ago I saw a bizarre case of road rage. It was 6am and I was out on an early morning run. As I crossed the river near Tsukiji Fish Market I heard loud shouting. Looking up I saw two trucks driving in parallel coming off the bridge in low gear.

The Driver of the smaller truck had his window open. He was leaning out and yelling at the driver of the larger truck alongside him. Both trucks had the road clear in front, yet they had slowed down and were backing up traffic across two lanes on the bridge.

The driver of the larger truck could have sped off, but he didn’t. He matched the pace and crawled along as if nothing was wrong which seemed to infuriate the driver of the smaller truck more.

The tirade continued as the trucks drove past me and onwards toward a set of traffic lights which had ominously turned red… Since I was mid-run and on a schedule I didn’t stop to see what happened next — sorry!

I can only guess at what triggered this altercation. Road rage was the last thing I expected as I set off on my run with the sun coming up and a brand new day ahead.

As I watched the fury of the drivers I couldn’t help but think, “There but for the grace of God, go I.”

Driving brings out the worst out in some people.

When people get angry on the road it is often caused by traffic congestion and feeling trapped. Interestingly, people who feel “disrespected” while driving (others following too close or cutting one off) can develop this rage.

Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean that really got out of hand fast! — Will Ferral, Anchorman

Some people react violently when they feel angry and lash out physically hitting people or breaking things. Other people can turn their Anger inward. People who self harm often do it as a way of coping with the intense feelings they have.

The driver of the smaller truck expressed his anger by shouting and swearing, whereas the driver of the larger truck was more of a passive aggressive type. He refused to engage verbally but he goaded the other driver by maintaining the same slow pace.

To my mind, both drivers were equally dysfunctional. Their toxic antics selfishly inconvenienced other drivers to boot.

Anger management tips

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion but it’s unhealthy when it flares up all the time or spirals out of control.

The Mayo Clinic shares the following 10 tips to control your temper.

1. Think before you speak.
2. Once you’re calm, express your anger.
3. Get some exercise.
4. Take a timeout.
5. Identify possible solutions.
6. Stick with ‘I’ statements.
7. Don’t hold a grudge.
8. Use humor to release tension.
9. Practice relaxation skills
10. Know when to seek help

Out of these 10 tips, the four below are the ones I focus on the most to manage my temper whenever it flares up.

Think before you speak

Even if you are right, there is nothing gained from being aggressive with people you care about. It is important to deal with anger in a way that doesn’t harm you or anyone else.

Get some exercise

Exercise is a great stress blaster. People who exercise feel much better about themselves and more in control of the events that shape their lives.

Identify possible solutions

When I experience anger I try to channel it into productive problem solving. If that doesn’t work I take a deep breath or count down slowly from 10 instead.

Don’t hold a grudge

Forgiveness is a powerful tool. When you forgive someone who has angered you, you release bitterness and you are free to move on with your life.

The last word

There are many degrees of anger from full-blown rage to annoyance and irritation. Regardless of how it manifests, at its core anger is a negative emotion.

Surveys show that 32% of people know someone, say a close friend or family member, who has trouble controlling their anger.

Think back to the last time you got angry. What was it that set you off?

What were the techniques you used to keep your anger in check? Is there anything useful you can share with other people reading this article?

If so, please post in the comments below.

Till next time,

Lucy 4.0

Key references: Wikipedia, Why Am I So Angry (NHS website), Anger Management (Mayo Clinic)

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Angry Drivers, Racket Abuse and Midnight tweets was originally published in The Ascent on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.