When I first heard of the idea of “detachment with love”, I found it very confusing. In my mind, Detachment was letting go. But I thought that you only let go of things that you no longer Loved or desired. If you loved someone how could you detach from them? This idea seemed like a complete contradiction.

I was treating people like I treated things. If I had a shirt that I loved, I wore it all the time. And then I continued to wear it, long past the time it should have been tossed in the trash can. There was no way that I was letting go of that shirt. But if I decided that I didn’t like the shirt, I tossed it without a second thought. If I didn’t want it anymore, it was easy to let go.

I treated people the same way. I tried to manage them. I tried to fix them. I tried to manipulate them. Since I loved them, I hung on tightly to them. Until I just couldn’t take it any more. Then I would toss them like the worn out shirt.

Detachment with Love is so different than my old pattern. Love isn’t about control, demands, or manipulation.

Sunshine is a wonderful metaphor for Detachment with Love. The sun is always shining on the Earth. But I have total freedom to be out in the sun or to hide in the shadows. The sun doesn’t withhold it’s light if I hide from it. It’s unconditional and detached.

I can bring that same unconditional love into all of my relationships. I have the ability to focus on pure positive energy, and let it flow freely to others. They don’t have to earn my love. I can be the Love, and let them choose their own path.

Detachment with Love was originally published in The Ascent on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.